


Hey, Stranger

by kaaaiiiyooo



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Fluff, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-01-06 14:44:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 75,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18390509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaaaiiiyooo/pseuds/kaaaiiiyooo
Summary: “Maybe you weren’t the one for me, but deep down I wanted you to be.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> posted as an au on twitter by @dotbei

“Chanwoo what the fuck come out it’s cold!”

The knocking at the front door continues waking Hanbin up from his sleep. He checks the clock by the bedside table to see it was past 2 am. He gets up and climbs down the stairs slightly annoyed at the ruckus happening at the front door.

“Jung Chanwoo what the fuck wake up!” The man outside shouts again. His knocks were turning into slamming.

Hanbin opens the door to see an unfamiliar face in front of him.

“Can I help you?” He asked irritated.

The guy in front of him looked confused. He looks at the house number at the side of the door and looks back at Hanbin.

“I’m sorry. Are you…?”

“Am I what?” Hanbin asked. It was the first time he’s gotten sleep in days only to be disturbed by a total stranger.

“I’m pretty sure this is Chanwoo’s house but I’m not sure what you’re doing here. Are you a family member or a boyfriend or anything?” The stranger asked. He asked even though he was sure it he wasn’t anyone related to Chanwoo.

Chanwoo was his best friend and he would know if Chanwoo had a boyfriend so that scraps it from the list. He knew everyone from Chanwoo’s family and he’s a hundred percent sure he isn’t one either. Who is this arrogant guy? He asked to himself.

Hanbin’s frown starts disappearing after finding out the stranger in front of him was related to Chanwoo.

“Oh, I’m a guest. I rented the villa for the week. Mr. Jung’s not here.” He explains.

The stranger dances around in place hugging himself for he was cold. “Can we settle this inside? I’ve been out here for thirty minutes and I’m freezing. I’m not a thief or a serial killer don’t worry.” He says.

Hanbin opens the door wide letting the stranger in. He knew he shouldn’t have because 1. It isn’t his house and 2. He could be a serial killer but there was something in the guy he trusted. Or he was just effortlessly hot which is the problem with Hanbin. He has a habit of trusting hot guys who will obviously hurt him but he doesn’t see that because he likes to see the good in people and he likes to believe he can change people. 

The stranger went directly to the kitchen to turn up the heater. Only then he believed he really was related to Chanwoo. He was so familiar with the house.

He walks back to the living room where Hanbin was and starts settling down.

“I’m sorry for waking you. I’m Chanwoo’s best friend and I didn’t know a guest was going to be here. In fact I didn’t know he wasn’t going to be here. I knew I told him I was coming but there surely was a misunderstanding.” The stranger starts explaining.

Hanbin eases up. “Surely.”

The stranger takes a step back and falls back at the couch behind him. He laughs at his clumsiness.

“I’m sorry. I think I had too much to drink tonight. Do you mind if I stayed? I have nowhere else to go.”

“I know you said you’re not a serial killer but I’m pretty sure no serial killer admits that they’re a serial killer so I hope you don’t mind I call Mr. Jung to ask him and inform him that you’re here.” Hanbin says in return.

The stranger laughs. “You’re cute.”

“Huh?” Hanbin pretends he didn’t hear but he was so close to blushing.

“Nothing. You can call Chanwoo if it will give you peace of mind.”

Hanbin fakes a smile and runs upstairs to the room. He fans himself for he was feeling hot.

“What the fuck Kim Hanbin you can’t be crushing on a possible serial killer.” He says to himself.

He takes his phone and dials Chanwoo’s number. Chanwoo answers after a couple rings obviously woken up from a sleep.

“Mr. Kim is everything okay?” He says over the phone.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m sorry to wake you. But a guy who claims to be your friend is here and he says he was nowhere else to stay so he’s asking if he could stay.”

“Friend?” Chanwoo sounded confused. “What did you say his name was?”

Hanbin realized he didn’t even get the strangers name. He rushes downstairs and asks.

“I’m sorry. What did you say your name was?” He asked.

“Bobby.”

“Bobby.” Hanbin says to Chanwoo.

“He’s there?!” Chanwoo explains.

Hanbin nods as if Chanwoo can see him.

“Mr. Kim, do you mind putting me on speaker?”

Hanbin takes the phone away from his ear and presses the speaker button on his screen.

“You’re on speaker.”

“Kimbap?” Chanwoo says over the phone.

“Chanuya why didn’t you tell me you had a guest?” Bobby says casually.

“You dumbass you said your flight wasn’t until next weekend!” Chanwoo says back.

“No, I told you it was this weekend.”

“Whatever. It doesn’t change the fact that you’re in my house when I have a guest. Can you leave and stay at a hotel? I’ll pick you up tomorrow.”

“I’m too drunk to drive.”

“You’re such a pain in the ass. Mr. Kim, I’m sorry about him. I really didn’t know this was going to happen.” Chanwoo apologizes sincerely.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind him staying. I just needed to confirm he wasn’t a serial killer.”

Chanwoo and Bobby laughs.

“He isn’t. But he’s an asshole so I apologize for his behaviour in advance. I’ll be there first thing tomorrow to pick him up. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

“You’re still on speaker Jung Chanwoo I could still hear you.”

“I intended for you to hear me so please behave. I’ll be there tomorrow morning.”

“Okay. I love you my friend.” Bobby says laughing.

“Bye Mr. Kim. I’m sorry again.”

Hanbin hangs up and stands awkwardly by the living room. Bobby looked like Hanbin didn’t bother him at all. He was seated comfortably on the couch legs and arms crossed. Hanbin turns to the kitchen when he notices Bobby’s eyes were on him.

“I need alcohol. Uhm, do you want a glass?” He calls out.

Bobby gets up from the sofa and follows Hanbin to the kitchen. He sits by the breakfast bar and says, “I guess I could use another one.”

Hanbin opens the cabinet up the sink and tries to reach out fot the bottle of scotch he saw when he arrived two days ago. He struggles to reach it so he decides to ask Bobby to get it since he figured he was taller than he was. He turns around to find Bobby already behind him reaching up for the bottle. 

Hanbin freezes in place for Bobby was so close to him. 

“Here you go.” Bobby says handing him the bottle. 

Hanbin snaps out from being frozen and takes the bottle. He clears his throat and takes two glasses from the other cupboard. 

Bobby goes back to his seat while Hanbin poured alcohol on the glasses in front of them. 

“I’m sorry.” Bobby says taking Hanbin’s attention from the alcohol. “Sorry for the asshole approach and sorry for barging in.”

Hanbin smiles this time sincerely taking Bobby’s apology. “Sorry for being cranky earlier too. And for thinking you were a serial killer.”

“I wouldn’t have trusted you too if I were in your place so it’s understandable.” Bobby laughs. “What brings you to Jeju in the winter. And for a whole week?”

“How’d you know I was here for a whole week?”

“You mentioned earlier that you rented the place for a week.”

“Oh.”

Hanbin takes a sip from his glass and groans at the bitter taste. 

Bobby does the same. “I left this here when I came to visit two years ago. That’s probably why the alcohol tastes so much stronger than it should.” 

“Oh. I’m sorry I didn’t know it was yours and I really don’t do alcohol so…”

Bobby laughs. “It’s okay.” They both stay quiet for a moment and takes sips interchangeably. 

“You didn’t answer my question.” Bobby says after a while.

“What question?” Hanbin says ignorantly.

“Obviously you have a lot on your mind. Is that why you’re here? Running away from something maybe?” Bobby makes an assumption.

Hanbin raises a brow. “Am I that easy to read?” He asked.

“Wild guess.” Bobby says. “Boyfriend?”

“Cliché, I know.” He says a little bit embarrassed.

“Not at all. We all cope up differently. I’m not judging.”

Hanbin smiles at Bobby’s comment.

“How about you? What are you doing here?”

Bobby shrugs. “I missed eating black pork stew.”

“There’s no black pork stew in Seoul?” 

They both laugh. “I haven’t been to Seoul for the longest time. But to answer your question, nope. Not as good as Jeju’s.”

Hanbin agrees. 

They both finish their first glass quietly so Hanbin starts pouring their second one. 

“Is it helping? You being away for a while?”

Hanbin laughs and shakes his head. “Not at all. I’ve never been more lonely than I have been the past two days. I feel better when I have company because it doesn’t make me think about my problems but now that I don’t… I’ve been miserable.” He laughs again. 

Bobby laughs lightly. “Alcohol helps though right?”

“Not a fan.”

Bobby raises a brow. “Would have never thought. You’re on your second glass.” He points at the glass in Hanbin’s hand. 

“I was nervous.”

“I make you nervous?”

Hanbin nods. 

“Why?”

“Good looking people make me nervous.”

Bobby laughs. “I’m flattered you think I’m good looking.”

“I also think you’re good in bed.”

Bobby chokes on his drink. 

“I just said that out loud didn’t I?” Hanbin says embarrassed. 

Bobby laughs and nods. 

“This is why i’m not a fan of alcohol. It brings out the worst in me.” Hanbin admits. 

“Flirting isn’t the worst thing don’t worry about it.” Bobby tries to make Hanbin feel better. 

Hanbin smiles shyly, he takes the bottle and walks to the living room. Bobby follows quietly behind and sits beside Hanbin on the floor by the coffee table. 

“I forgot the last time I flirted with somebody.” Hanbin says out of the blue. “Oh wait, are you in a relationship? I’m sorry if you are I didn’t mean to…”

“No.” Bobby cuts Hanbin off. 

“Oh. That’s good.” Hanbin says. “I didn’t mean good so that I could flirt with you again. Just good because…”

Bobby leans in closer to Hanbin shutting Hanbin up from rambling. He tilts his head and looks at Hanbin’s eyes who was looking at his nervously. Hanbin closes his eyes giving him permission, so Bobby closes the gap between their lips. Bobby pulls away after leaving a soft lingering kiss on Hanbin’s lips. 

Hanbin had a confused look on his face after Bobby pulled away. 

“Was it bad?” Bobby asked worriedly. 

Hanbin shakes his head. “Weird. I’ve never kissed a total stranger before.” He says. 

Bobby lets out a sigh of relief. It’d be the first time he’s gotten a bad comment if ever Hanbin said it was bad. 

“I do it all the time.” Bobby says. 

“Can you try it again?” Hanbin asked. 

“You’re drunk. I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage.”

“You already did. And the fact that there’s a possibility we both won’t remember this tomorrow makes me want to do it more.”

Bobby laughs. “You’re really interesting you know?”

Bobby leans in closer again pressing his lips onto Hanbin’s. Hanbin kisses him back softly and gives Bobby’s tongue permission to enter his mouth. Bobby’s hands move to Hanbin’s neck caressing his cheeks with his thumb as he kisses Hanbin passionately. Hanbin moves closer to Bobby until he’s stradling him, ruffling his hair with his hands. Bobby moves his hand to Hanbin’s back supporting him as he leans forward until Hanbin’s back touched the carpeted floor. Hanbin wraps his legs around Bobby’s waist as their kiss becomes more aggressive. Bobby breaks the kiss to lift his shirt up and off his toned body. Hanbin caresses his chest down to his perfectly defined abs. 

Bobby leans down again to kiss Hanbin but Hanbin holds his chest up stopping him. 

“You have abs?!” He asks. 

Bobby scrunches his nose and nods. 

Hanbin gets up making Bobby sit back down on the floor. 

He stares at Bobby’s body as Bobby sat with both hands supporting him from behind as he leaned back. 

“No way i’m sleeping with you with that going on. Nope.” Hanbin says pointing at Bobby’s body. 

Bobby laughs. “They’re just muscles.”

“Nope. Not getting naked in front of that perfect body. Do you know what that’ll do to my self-esteem?” 

Bobby laughs again. He takes his shirt on the floor and puts it back in. 

“I’m serious. And also, i’m not really good at sex and you obviously are but i’m really conscious and obviously insecure. I won’t be able to sleep for days knowing I had sex and I didn’t satisfy the one I had sex with.”

“You underestimate yourself. You’re already a lot better than you think you are.” Bobby says seriously. 

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better. Thanks though. You made me feel good about myself more than my boyfriend of 6 years the last hour we’ve known each other.” 

Bobby scans Hanbin. His eyes, his face, his body. He watches him take another sip from his glass and says, “The way I see it, it’s his loss.”

Hanbin scoffs and places his glass on top of the table. “You’re good.” He smirks. “But I know not to believe people when they say things like that especially when they know you’re vulnerable because it’s mostly just a way to get into your pants.” 

“I’m serious.” 

Hanbin laughs. Bobby was pretty convincing but he wasn’t that naïve to believe a comment like that after an hour of meeting. He takes both glasses on top of the coffee table and hands one to Bobby. “Cheers to this weird but actually fun night.”

They finish off their drinks in one go and Hanbin bids good night to Bobby and heads upstairs to sleep. 

Bobby positions himself in the couch and smiles at the thought of Hanbin. 

“Haven’t laughed this much the past two years. Is it okay that i’m happy?” He whispers then he falls asleep. 

*the next day*

Hanbin woke up a few hours later and heads downstairs to make coffee. He stops when he reaches at the end of the staircase at the sight of Bobby sleeping shirtless. 

Flashbacks on what happened the night before come to him and he cringes as he remembers every single thing he said and did. 

“Uggghhh alcohol hates me.” He says silently as he walked towards the kitchen. 

He takes out the grinded coffee beans and puts a couple of scoops into the coffee maker for two cups of coffee. 

He sits by the breakfast bar as he waits for the coffee maker to finish its job. 

“Hi. Good morning.” Bobby says from behind. 

Hanbin, startled, turns the stool around and greets Bobby. “Good morning.” He says shyly unable to look at Bobby’s eyes. 

Bobby walks back in the living room to put on a shirt and goes back to the kitchen taking the seat beside Hanbin’s. 

They sit side by side awkwardly for a few minutes not knowing what to say to each other. 

“Oh, by the way, Chanwoo’s on his way to pick me up. I’ll be off your tail in an hour.” Bobby says shyly. “I’m sorry again about last night. The barging in and the uhm…” Bobby clears his throat. “I mean sorry if the.. you know… is bothering you, but, I mean if it’s not, it was you know… nice. I mean I just want you to know I enjoyed kissing… you… last night… I hope that doesn’t sound creepy. I just… I don’t regret it but if you do I’d totally understand and I’m sorry.” Bobby says. He wanted to make sure he didn’t offend Hanbin with any of his actions last night. 

“No, it’s okay I don’t mind. I mean not that I want you to do it again and I don’t mean that because it wasn’t good because it was really good it’s just uhhhh… you know what I mean right? I don’t regret it either, I think? Oh, no. I’m sure that I don’t. It was okay and good and yeah.” 

Bobby nods and laughs. “You’re rambling.”

“I know. I told you you make me nervous. You were too.”

Bobby laughs again. “I was, wasn’t I?” He turns his stool to face Hanbin. “Look, what I really wanted to say was that I had fun last night and I enjoyed kissing you. And today may be the last time we see each other and I find you really interesting and funny and I don’t want to keep things awkward between us so I hope we can be friends even just until I leave?” He says and offers a handshake. 

Hanbin looks at Bobby amusedly. He hasn’t met a person as confident as him. Hanbin is really awkward with people he barely knows but the way Bobby speaks to him makes him feel like they’ve known each other for years. He had the capability to make him feel at ease. 

He takes Bobby’s hands and he shakes it. “Friends. Until you leave.” He says and Bobby smirks at Hanbin. 

The coffee maker stops dripping coffee drops on the kettle so Hanbin gets up from the stool and takes two mugs from the cupboard. He pours coffee on both mugs and he steams milk before pouring it in. He makes a little coffee art before handing the cup to Bobby and he makes one on his own before going back to his seat. 

“You make good coffee.” Bobby says after taking a sip. 

“That I believe.” Hanbin says proudly. “My bestfriend owns a coffee shop. I got my skills from him.” He adds. 

“How about you? What do you do?”

“I’m a writer.”

“What type of writing do you write? Poems? Lyrics? Fiction?”

Hanbin shrugs. “A little of all the things you just said.”

Bobby nods and takes another sip from his mug. “I have a random question for you.” He says. 

“Shoot.” Hanbin replies. 

“Why’d you stick to a relationship if all your partner did was make you feel bad about yourself?”

Hanbin’s surprised Bobby remembers that part of the conversation they had from last night. 

He takes a sip then clears his throat. “Because I loved him.”

“You can’t say that. Your making love look bad.” 

“It’s true.” Hanbin defends his answer. “I was young and in love. Once you love someone, you love all the good and sometimes, well most of the time, get blinded by the bad. I loved him and I believed everything he told me was for me. I thought he was helping me become better. I took all the criticism he had towards my looks, my writing, my friends, even my family. I viewed his words as signs of self-betterment. The whole time I was with him I thought I was trying to be a better version of myself but what I didn’t realize was that I was trying to be someone who was going to be better for him. When I was writing, I wrote like he was the only one who was going to read my book and so I wrote what I knew would please him. The time with him was all about pleasing him and trying to be good enough for him. So yep, love.”

Bobby sighs. “He was given a person who loved him so much he was willing to change for him. He was given love he didn’t deserve. A lot of people seek for love yet he let go of the love he was damn lucky to have. I was right, it’s his loss.” 

“Right love, wrong person. Unlucky me” He responds. “But he wasn’t bad. He was good to me despite all that. I just wasn’t the person for him.”

Bobby takes another sip of coffee and sighs again. “Here I thought the good ones were always given good love. I didn’t know even the good ones had it bad too.”

Hanbin didn’t know the reason Bobby said that. He didn’t know the reason Bobby was saying all those good things about him. But one thing was for sure, it made him feel like he was worthy; to be loved and to be kept. It made him think that maybe one day, some day, he could get not only the love he thinks he deserves but the love he truly deserves. It didn’t matter if Bobby meant it or not, but the few hours he had with Bobby already made up for the weeks he had spent crying over Junhoe. It made up for times he doubted himself. He wasn’t expecting for more. He knew it was a fleeting moment but those few words were enough to feel better. And it could just be that day but one good day was way better than none at all. 

A car pulls up from the front of the house. Bobby takes the last of his coffee and says, “Must be Chanwoo.” He places his mug on the sink and runs towards the front door. 

Hanbin gets up from the stool and follows Bobby up front to greet the house owner.


	2. 26

“You ready to go?” Chanwoo calls out as he exits his car. He walks towards the door where Bobby and Hanbin were standing and hugs Bobby as soon as he reaches him. 

“Not quite.” Bobby says rubbing the back of his head. 

Chanwoo pulls away and shakes Hanbin’s hand. “I’m sorry about last night Mr. Kim. It won’t happen again I swear.”

“Call me Hanbin. And it’s fine don’t worry about it. Come inside i’ll make you coffee.”

They head towards the kitchen and Hanbin proceeds to make coffee for Chanwoo. Bobby and Chanwoo sits by the breakfast bar and fights over who was right or wrong with their scheduling. They pull out their phones and scroll back to old messages to prove they were right. 

“Ha!! Here’s the message you sent me! You said you were coming next week.” Chanwoo says. 

“Did I?” Bobby takes the phone from Chanwoo to check. “Oh.” Was all he could say. 

“Let me guess, you were drunk?” Chanwoo asked. 

Bobby laughs and nods. He rubs his face with his hands and apologizes. “I’m so sorry.”

“I take this as a sign that it’s time to get your shit together. Maybe go back to working?” Chanwoo said and Bobby’s mood changed. 

“Not now.” Bobby whispered. 

Hanbin noticed the change of mood in the room so after the coffee was ready, he excuses himself and heads upstairs to take a shower. 

Chanwoo takes a sip from the coffee and appreciates the taste. “This is some good coffee. He must’ve gotten his skills from his friend.” 

“You know his friend?” Bobby asked. 

“Yeah. He owns café’s in some of my buildings around Seoul and we’ve been talking about my warehouse in Seongsu-dong. He plans to turn it into a café/restaurant.”

“Right.” Bobby says. 

“So? Are you back for good this time?”

Bobby shakes his head. 

“Then what are you doing here?” 

“Why’d you think I flew straight to Jeju?”

“We were supposed to meet next week and I doubt you didn’t know that. You’re not the type to forget about those things. If you think I have forgotten, I haven’t. It’s his birthday on Friday. It’s why you’re here in Korea early isn’t it?”

“I told you, I didn’t know I was supposed to be here until next week. I got the dates messed up. Stop making up theories.”

Chanwoo felt helpless. Bobby has been running around the past two years. He filed for an indeifnite leave and because his company needed him before he needed them, they agreed. He’s been traveling around the world staying at foreign countries for at least a month and if he happened to like the people he stayed longer. He and Jinhwan supported him at first when he told them his plan. But it’s been going on for too long and to see that it hasn’t helped him even for a bit, they thought what he was doing was useless. He hasn’t gone home in more than two years. He hasn’t seen his family, he hasn’t seen his friends other than Chanwoo and Jinhwan. The closest he was to being in Seoul was the airport and he made sure he’d leave as soon as possible. 

“What time do you want to leave so that I could book our flights?” Chanwoo asks. 

“I’m not leaving Jeju.”

“Come on you can’t stay here I have a guest. And you I can’t stay I have important meetings this week before our trip to Indonesia.”

“Then you go. I’m not going home.”

“Bob, don’t you think it’s time? Donghyuk’s family have forgiven you. Your family has forgiven you. Stop being so hard on yourself.”

Bobby gets up and walks towards the living room to take the bottle of scoth they left from the night before. He takes a glass on the cupboard and he pours himself a drink. He takes a sip and says, “I don’t have a family.”

Chanwoo gives up on his conversation with Bobby. He knew it was going nowhere so he let it go. He calms himself and tries to enjoy his coffee. 

“Do whatever you want. Just don’t stay here. I’ll book you a hotel.” Chanwoo says. 

Bobby says nothing but smirks. 

Chanwoo shakes his head. “Not him. He’s my client’s friend and he’s a very good client. Don’t mess this up for us.”

Bobby’s mood lightens up at the thought of Hanbin. 

“I’m serious, man. Not him.” Chanwoo warned. 

Bobby raises both his arms in defeat. “Okay. I’m leaving.”

“Thank you.”

As much as Bobby wanted Hanbin, he knew he was too good for him and he knew he couldn’t give him what he deserved. He slept around, got into relationships, but he always found reasons to leave before things got serious. And though he did this, he made sure he didn’t pursue the good ones. And for him, Hanbin was a good one. 

Chanwoo finishes his coffee just in time Hanbin finished taking a shower. Hanbin goes down to see the boys off. 

“I’m sorry again about this.” Chanwoo nudges Bobby’s arm. “Hope you enjoy the rest of your stay.” He shakes Hanbin’s hand and Hanbin shakes his. 

“I will for sure.” Hanbin says nicely. “Have a safe flight.”

Chanwoo nods and walks towards his car. 

Bobby offers a handshake. “It’s been a good 9 hours.” He says. 

Hanbin smiles and shakes his hand. “It was nice meeting you too.”

“Well, I gotta go. Good luck on life… and love.”

“You too.” Hanbin responds and Bobby walks away. He watches them leave the driveway and he goes back inside the house to start writing.

 

*a few days after*

Friday comes and Hanbin has written more than he aimed to write on his stay. It was his last night on Jeju so he deiced to visit the local’s market, eat out during lunch and make dinner at home for himself. So far, it’s been a pretty good stay. Better than he expected. 

If Bobby hadn’t appeared days ago, he probably booked the first flight home the next day but he seemed to have managed being alone and his feelings for a few more days. 

After dinner, he fell into a nap. He woke up a few minutes after midnight feeling hungry again so he deicdes to go out and visit the food tent he saw earlier that day. 

He orders food to go and notices the lady owner talking worriedly about a man who has been drinking since they opened in the afternoon. Hanbin looks at the guy the lady was talking about and sees a familiar face. 

“Bobby?”

“You know him, dear?” The lady asked Hanbin. 

“Uhm yeah but…”

“Can you please take him home? He’s been drinking since this afternoon. He fell asleep twice already and he goes back to drinking everytime he wakes up. I’m afraid he might make trouble in here again just like the other night.” 

“But I don’t even know where he lives. I-”

“Please just take him. He got into a fist fight with one of my customers the other night. He needs to sleep in a bed.”

The lady was almost begging so Hanbin couldn’t say no. He nods and the lady says her thanks. She hands him his food and Hanbin goes to Bobby. 

He bends down to so that he’s eye level with Bobby and he talks to him as softly as he can. 

“Bobby?”

Bobby looks at Hanbin’s direction. “It’s you!” He shouts and wraps his arms around Hanbin’s neck. He was laughing. 

“Yeah it’s me.” Hanbin said. “Come on, get up. We have to go.”

Hanbin assists Bobby up and supports his back as they walk out of the tent. Bobby couldn’t walk propelry anymore so Hanbin put his arm around his neck to help him. 

“Bobby, I need to know where we’re going. Where are you staying?” Hanbin asked. 

“26.” Bobby responded. 

“What?” Hanbin asked. 

“Birthday.” He said again. 

“Huh?” Hanbin couldn’t understand what Bobby was saying. He was getting tired of walking and carrying him at the same time so he stops by the end of the road and he makes Bobby sit by the curb. 

He crouches down and rests one knee on the ground. “Where are you staying?” Hanbin asked again. 

Bobby takes Hanbin’s face on his hands and looks him in the eye. He stares at him for a while. He rubs Hanbin’s cheek with his thumb and shakes his head. And then tears starts flowing down from his eyes. 

“Are you crying?” Hanbin asked. 

Bobby pulls Hanbin closer to him and wraps his arms around Hanbin’s neck. He rests his chin on his shoulders and he cries. 

Hanbin doesn’t move. He lets him be so he stays still for a while. 

Bobby continues to cry and he starts mumbling. He keeps mumbling words until they became clearer. 

“Happy 26th birthday, baby. I am so sorry. I’m so so sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He cries as he say those words again and again and again and again. 

Hanbin doesn’t stop him from crying or talking. He stays as he is until Bobby stops crying. 

Bobby stops crying only a few minutes after. And then on, he had already passed out. Hanbin carries him up and struggles to get him on his back. When he does, he starts walking home with the drunk stranger. 

On the walk home, he thought of the first time he met Bobby. He was laughing and he talked so positively. He never would’ve thought, he too was going through something. And then he thought how much secrets each one could have and how good they were at keeping them. 

Hanbin was a vocal person. He said his feelings out loud because for him it was a way of facing it and getting over it. He told everyone who asked how he was and he always answered them honestly. He knew keeping it inside would only kill him softly because that’s what he saw with his mom. 

Hanbin and his mother were abused by his father when he was growing up. Hanbin tried to be there as much for his mother but his mother always had this strong front. She never cried in front of her, she never showed weakness even after getting beaten up but that was what took his mother’s life. She didn’t have a support system, she didn’t have friends to talk to, she was keeping everything inside and it ate her up slowly until she decided she didn’t wan to fight it anymore. 

Hanbin’s mom took her life when he was 20. Just as soon as he graduated college and started a new job, she left. He was full of hate and pain but he learned from his mother so he let go. He let go of the pain and he let go of the hatred he had towards her. 

What helped him most was writing. He wrote down everything he felt on paper and when it wasn’t enough, he’d run to Junhoe. 

Junhoe helped him throughout this time, too. It’s only been a year since they started dating but Junhoe never left his side through it all. He spoke to him and told him everything he felt even though he knew there were times he wasn’t listening to him anymore. He just needed an outlet. A piece of paper, a pen, and Junhoe being there was the best thing he could have at that time. 

When they reached the house, Hanbin brings Bobby up to the room. He tucks him in and when he was about to leave, Bobby grabs his hand. 

“Stay. Please.” Bobby says. 

Hanbin sits at the floor by the bed holding onto Bobby’s hand. Once he knows Bobby was in deep sleep, he lets go and heads downstairs. 

Hanbin was worried about Bobby. He couldn’t stop pacing around the house so he takes his laptop from the room upstairs, settles down on the floor at the living room and turns on his laptop on the coffee table. He starts writing his worries away. 

Hanbin was so invested to his writing he didn’t notice he’s been seated at one position for hours. He stretches his aching back and leans back at the couch behind him resting his head on the cushion. He rests his eyes closing it until he hears footsteps by the stairs. 

“Hey. It’s almost 4. You’re still up?” Bobby asked as he walked towards the living room. 

“Yeah. I couldn’t sleep. Why are you up so early?”

“You left.” Bobby says and sits by the coffee table in front of Hanbin. “I must’ve scared you off earlier. I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me. I must’ve looked so lame crying in front of you.”

It’s taking so much of Hanbin to stop himself from assuming Bobby’s words mean differently. It was affecting him slowly. 

“I didn’t think you would remember. You were so drunk.” Hanbin says. 

“I wish I didn’t. I feel so ashamed. I’m sorry.”

Hanbin holds Bobby’s hand and Bobby takes it. “Hey, it’s okay. Like what you told me, we all cope up differently. I’m not judging.” 

Bobby grips Hanbin’s hand softly and smiles. “Thank you.” 

Hanbin gives a reassuring nod. “Go back to sleep. Your head must be killing you.”

“How about you?” 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep. I took a long nap last night and woke up a midnight.”

Bobby nods. “I’ll be upstairs.”

Hanbin smiles and nods back and he watches Bobby climb back up the stairs. 

*the next morning*

Bobby heads down the house with a massive headache. The living room was empty so Hanbin was probably in the kitchen. 

“You’re up?” Hanbin asked as soon as he saw Bobby. He hands him a small paper bag he bought from the pharmacy when he went out. 

“Pain reliever. Take one. It’ll help your head.” Hanbin said and turned back around to continue what he was cooking. 

Bobby smiles and takes the medicine. 

“What are you making?” He asked. 

“Hangover soup.”

“Hanbin, you didn’t have to.”

“It’s okay. I went to the market earlier so I figured i’ll by stuff for the soup too.”

“I’m sorry.”

Hanbin laughs. “It’s okay.” 

“I’m so sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry it’s starting to get annoying.” Hanbin says jokingly. He finishes up the soup and pours Bobby a bowl. “I hope it’s good.”

Bobby takes a spoon full and blows on it before taking it to his mouth. “It’s perfect.” He says. 

Hanbin smiles and he watches Bobby eat. 

“Oh, Jinhwan’s coming over. He’s friends with me and Chanwoo. But he’s not going to take long he’s just coming to pick me up.”

“No it’s okay really. You guys can stay. I’m leaving this afternoon anyway.” Hanbin said. 

“Leaving to where?”

“Back to Seoul.”

“You’re going home?”

“Yup. My week’s over. I have a lot of work waiting for me so it’s time to go back.”

“Oh.” 

“Well, enjoy your soup and feel better. I have to start packing now. I’ll be upstairs if you need anything.”

Bobby nods and Hanbin starts leaving the kitchen. 

“Hanbin ah.” Bobby calls out. Hanbin looks back and Bobby says, “Thank you.” 

Hanbin gives him a sincere smile and exits the kitchen completely. 

It bothered Bobby that Hanbin was leaving but he didn’t understand why. 

The door bell rings a few minutes later and Bobby greets Jinhwan at the door. 

“Kim Jinaaaaaaan!!!!!!!” Bobby screams and carries Jinhwan up from the ground. 

Jinhwan wraps his legs around Bobby’s waist and Bobby twirls him around inside the house. 

He puts him down and hugs him and Jinhwan hugs him back. The hug wasn’t just about them seeing each other after a long time. It lingered as if they both needed to be there. It was comforting for the both of them. 

“Ya imma, aren’t you sick of being away from us yet?” Jinhwan says as they pull away from each other. 

Bobby laughs. “Nope. Life has never been better without you guys.” 

Jinhwan slaps the back of his head. 

“Ouch! Stop I have a headache!” 

“Rough night?” Jinhwan asked. 

Bobby shrugs and walks towards the kitchen. Jinhwan follows. 

“You want soup?”

Jinhwan shakes his head. “I need coffee. And a decent lunch while i’m here. Let’s go out for a drive.”

“Well I need a bath. Let me just wash up before we go. Are you staying the night? Chanwoo’s tenant is leaving later so nobody’s gonna be left here but me.” 

“I can’t I have a client I need to meet tomorrow.”

“You’re no fun. Chanwoo too.”

“Well some of us has to work for a living. And for you to live also. Where’d you think you’re getting all the money you waste on alcohol?”

“Yeah, yeah whatever. Come upstairs i’ll introduce you to Hanbin. And you guys have clothes left here right?” 

“Yup at the master’s bedroom.”

“Do you have a key?”

Jinhwan hands him a bunch of keys on a fancy kechain. “It’s one of those figure it out.”

They both go upstairs and knock on Hanbin’s door. 

Hanbin and Jinhwan says their hi’s and hello’s and goes back to packing. 

Jinhwan was lying in the bed in deep thought while Bobby was taking a bath. When Bobby goes out of the bathroom, he notices Jinhwan looking bothered. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Bobby asked. 

“He looks familiar. I’ve seen him before I know I have I just don’t remember where.”

“Who are you talking about?”

“The stranger in the other room.”

“Hanbin. His name’s Hanbin. He’s a writer maybe you’ve read something of his?”

“You know I don’t read books unless I need to. No it’s not that. I saw him when something bad was happening. I could feel it. I just can’t remember when and where.”

“You must’ve seen him while I wasn’t around anymore because I’m certain I’ve never seen him before.”

Jinhwan groans at his frustration. “Ugghhh it’s bothering me so much where have I seen him?” 

Bobby laughs and ignores Jinhwan. He knows he’s going to go about it for a while so he focuses on changing. 

Once he’s done, he lies on the bed beside Jinhwan and they lie there staring at the ceiling for a while. 

“It was Donghyuk’s birthday yesterday.” Bobby says out of the blue. 

“I know. We went to see him. Chanwoo and I.” 

“You think he’s doing well?”

Jinhwan turns to lie on his side so that he’s facing Bobby. “I know he’s doing well. And I also know he’d want you to visit him too.”

Bobby sheds a tear and Jinhwan wipes it out. 

“I miss him too, Bob. I miss having him around. But I miss you more. We miss you. Not having Donghyuk around is already hard enough, we didn’t have to lose you too. Come home.”

Bobby turns to his side to face Jinhwan. “What if it breaks me more?” He asked with so much fear and pain. 

“You lost everything you had to lose already. There’s nothing more in you that could break.” Jinhwan takes Bobby’s hand and grips it. “Being away didn’t help you at all. Maybe coming home would. You need closure. And once you get it, maybe then you can start patching your pieces back together again.” 

“Will you help me?” 

“Only if you’d let us.”

Bobby nods and sheds a few more tears. Jinhwan too. They lie there a couple more minutes side by side until Hanbin knocks on their door. 

Bobby gets up, wipes the tears away from his face and release a breath. He opens the door to see Hanbin with his bags packed all set to leave. 

“Hi. I just wanted to say bye. My flight’s in a few hours and I was planning to eat out for lunch before heading to the aiport.” Hanbin offers a handshake. “Again, it was nice meeting you.” He smiles at Bobby. 

Bobby takes the handshake. “We were just about to head out for lunch. You could join us if you want?” He offered. 

Jinhwan rushed to the door and said, “Yeah. Come join us. We’d love company.” 

Hanbin smiles and nods. “Okay then.” 

“Great!” Bobby said. “Let’s go.”

“You guys go ahead downstairs. Help him with his bags. Put them in the car.” Jinhwan instructed Bobby and handed him the keys. “There are just files Chanwoo asked me to get.”

Bobby nods and carried Hanbin’s luggage down and into the car. He starts the car and Hanbin goes inside the back seat. 

Hanbin adjusts the mirror and looks at Hanbin who was looking out the window. 

“Hanbin.” He distracts Hanbin from his thoughts. 

“Mmm?” 

“Thank you for not asking.”

“It wasn’t any of my business.” He smiles. 

“Remember when I told you I haven’t been to Seoul in a while?” Bobby asked. 

Hanbin nods. 

“It’s because of him. I’ve been running away from him. I’ve been running away from the truth. But being away hasn’t helped even a little bit. I get worse as time passes.” 

Hanbin wasn’t sure what to say. 

“Do you think I should come back?” Bobby asked. 

“Do you want to come back?” Hanbin asked back. 

“I’m not sure.” Bobby responded honestly. 

“Did you want to stay away?” 

“It was the hardest thing I ever did.” 

“I think maybe that’s why it hasn’t helped you because it wasn’t what you wanted to do. I think you’re scared because, well, the truth really is scary. But I learned that it’s okay to be scared and that the pain holds on longer if you keep running away from it.” 

Bobby smiles at Hanbin through the rear view mirror and Hanbin smiles back. 

“Thank you. So much. For everything.”

“You also helped me in ways nobody else couldn’t. Let’s call it even.” Hanbin lets out a soft laugh. 

“I did?”

“Yup.”

“What did I do?” Bobby asked. 

Hanbin shrugs. “Just… things.”

“Fine.” Bobby laughs. “But at least let me pay for lunch.”

“What do you mean? I wasn’t planning to pay anyway.”

Bobby laughs again. “Sorry.”

Jinhwan comes down and locks the house before getting into the car and Bobby drives them to their favorite restaurant. 

 

“That was so good i’m full. Thanks for taking me.” Hanbin says to Jinhwan and Bobby. 

“Glad you came. This place serves the best beef in the whole world and i’m not even kidding.” Bobby says. 

“Agree. We always make sure to visit this plce every time we’re here.” Jinhwan says. 

“That I will do. Their meat is insane.” Hanbin says. 

Bobby shoves in the last piece of meat to his mouth and chews with so much joy. The other two laugh. 

“What time’s your flight, Hanbin? We’ll drive you to the airport.” Jinhwan asks. 

“No need. I can manage from here. Thank you.”

“Are you sure?” Bobby asks. “Let me at least drive you?”

“No, i’ll be fine I swear. You go do your thing. It’s a nice day, drive around town.” 

“Are you sure?” Bobby asks again. 

“Stop being so annoying.” Hanbin laughs. 

They go their separate ways after lunch. Hanbin takes a cab to the airport while Bobby drives to the hotel he was saying. 

“What was that about?” Jinhwan asked. 

“What was what about?”

“Let me at least drive you.” He says mocking Bobby’s way of saying it earlier. 

Bobby punches his arm. “Stop. I just feel indebted to him that’s all.”

“How so?”

“Nothing. He just helped me realize things.”

“You’re making friends. I guess that’s good.”

“Friend i’ll never see again. Exactly why I wanted to drive him because he’s helped me a lot and I know i’m never seeing him again.”

“Good guy, Kim Jiwon.” Jinhwan teases. 

“Shut up.”

“So, are you coming?”

Bobby nods. 

“You are?!” Jinhwan got so excited. 

“I will if you stop acting like it’s a big deal.”

“I won’t stop acting like it’s a big deal because it is a big deal.” Jinhwan holds Bobby by the back of his neck and rubs his nape. “I’m proud of you. And i’ll be here for you. Chanwoo and I will be here. You know that right?”

Bobby nods. 

“Good. Let me inform Chanu so that he could have your room ready by the time we’re home.”

“Thank you. I’ve been saying those two words a lot these days but I mean them every time. Thank you.”

Jinhwan rubs the top of Bobby’s head messing up his hair. “Anytime.”

“Jinani, going home is a big step for me. Just don’t pressure me into doing things i’m not ready to do okay? I promise i’ll do them but only when i’m ready.”

“We’ve been waiting two years. We don’t mind waiting a little bit more. We just want you to be better.”

“I’m sorry. And thank you. I don’t know what else to say but those two.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Jinhwan assures him. 

Bobby continues to drive the roads of Jeju until their back to his hotel. He packs his stuff and get everything ready. Jinhwan helps him gather his things and they pleace everything in his luggage. They chill at the room for a fee hours before deciding to head to the aiport. 

When they get to the airport, they notice Hanbin at one of the benches sitting, playing with his phone. 

Bobby went straight to him while Jinhwan went to get their tickets. 

“Hanbin!” He calls out. 

Hanbin looks up and smiles at the sight of Bobby. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked. 

“I’m coming home.”

Hanbin’s face lights up. “I’m proud of you.” 

Bobby takes his hand. “It’s because of you. And Jinani. But thank you.”

“Again with the thank you’s!” Hanbin exlaimed and they both laugh. 

“Wait what are you still doing here? Have you been waiting for hours?”

“Yeah. They only have one flight left. I didn’t check before I left earlier.”

Jinhwan comes back with two plane tickets in his hand. 

“I guess we’ll be on the same flight.” Bobby says. 

“I guess so.” Hanbin responds.


	3. you fall too fast, you break too fast

A day after returning back to the city, Hanbin decides to surprise Yunhyeong and visit his café in Mapo-gu. Hanbin wasn’t expected to be back until the next day but he felt bad for his agent for leaving so much work to do for days. 

He stops by a flower shop and gets some for Yunhyeong’s shop. Another thing he loved to do was decorating places he could with flowers. He usually worked at Yunhyeong’s café’s and he never forgets to bring flowers every time he comes.

Yunhyeong could see him crossing the street from inside the shop so he goes out to greet Hanbin by the glass doors.

“Ya! What are you doing here?! Wasn’t I supposed to pick you up at the airport tomorrow?” He calls out happily.

“What? I’m not allowed to visit my best friend at work?” Hanbin asked and hugged Yunhyeong.

Yunhyeong hugs him back and rubs the back of his hair. “Come in. I’ll make you lunch.”

They go in the café and Hanbin settles his things on a table. He takes the flowers to the kitchen and washes a vase he keeps for when he brings flowers. Yunhyeong didn’t like buying flowers so there were only flowers in the shop if Hanbin was there. 

He places the vase filled with hydrangeas by the counter fixing it before taking the smaller vase filled with angel’s breath to the table where Yunhyeong was seated. He places the vase on top and takes a seat across his friend.

“You should’ve told me you were coming. I would’ve cancelled my lunch meeting.” Yunhyeong says.

“It’s okay. I just came to say hi. I’m meeting the Kim’s for lunch too. We’re visiting my life-saver together.”

“Do you want me to come? I can cancel my meeting.” 

“Don’t. I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

Yunhyeong nods. “Well, how was your trip? You didn’t call me the whole time you were there.”

“You didn’t call me either. A phone works both ways you know?” 

Yunhyeong laughs. “I know. I’m sorry. I was very busy. The final plan for the warehouse is finally starting to come together. And speaking of the warehouse, there’s something I’d like to ask you and I would totally understand if you’d say no.”

Hanbin narrows his eyes. “What is it?”

“You see, I found the perfect architect for my project. But my engineer quit because they don’t work well together. Architect Kim is very meticulous about the things he wants and there’s only one person I know who could work with a person like him...”

“Junhoe.” Hanbin said and Yunhyeong nods. Hanbin releases a sigh. “Well, it’s not like I’ll be the one working with him. And we both know how good he is with his job, no doubt about that. If he’s who you need, go for it. I know he’d love to take on your dream project.”

Yunhyeong takes Hanbin’s hands. “Are you sure?”

Hanbin grips his back. “Yes.” He says sincerely. “I know you hired a different engineer for my sake. Don’t worry about me. Do what you have to do.”

“Binnie, thank you.”

“No. Thank you. Thanks for putting my feelings first. I just want you to know that you don’t have to.”

“I know you’d do the same for me. That’s how we are.” 

Hanbin shrugs. “Some super emo kids are we huh?”

“You go that right!” Yunhyeong laughs. “I’d make you work in my office but I have a meeting in 30 minutes.”

“I’m good here don’t worry.”

“Okay. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything.”

“Coffee.”

“Ara.”

Yunhyeong leaves and asks his barista to make Hanbin coffee. Hanbin opens his laptop and starts reading his emails from his agent. 

Writing started as a hobby to Hanbin. It was an expression for him and he never intended anyone to read his work. During college, he became friends with this girl named Jennie. Jennie was a campus crush and he hated her being around him all the time because she always attracted attention and Hanbin hated that but Jennie didn’t care. She loved Hanbin’s company. 

Junhoe went to different university because the one Hanbin went to didn’t offer a major on Engineering. So during college, it was mostly Jennie and Hanbin together. 

One time, Jennie slept over at Hanbin’s place and found a manuscript under his bed while he was taking a bath. She managed to read the first page and she fell in love with his writing as soon as possible. She hid it in her bag before Hanbin went out of the bathroom and read the whole thing when she got home the next day. 

The story made such a huge impact on her so she decided to forward it to a publisher and to her surprise, the publisher got back to her within a week. She contacted her and offered a price. She got so excited she went straight to Hanbin. There was shouting and fighting and a lot of explaining as to why Jennie did it but she talked to Hanbin seriously about it and they both agreed on publishing it as long as nobody would know who he was, hence the pseudonym. 

Jennie has been Hanbin’s literary agent for 5 years now. They’ve released 4 books together and was now working on their 5th book. Hanbin used to seek validation from Junhoe with his writing but he somehow feels less pressured now knowing all he needs validation from is himself. 

While typing his response on his last email, a guy comes to his table to greet him.

“Hey, stranger.” A smiley Bobby greets.  
Hanbin takes off his earphones. “Hey!” He says as Bobby took the seat in front of him. “What are you doing here?” He asked.

“My friends have a meeting with the owner. They mentioned food here was great so I came along for lunch.” He says.

Hanbin says hi to Chanwoo and Jinhwan and Yunhyeong comes out from the kitchen to greet his guests. He shakes their hands and ushers them to his office.  
Hanbin introduces Bobby to Yunhyeong and they greet each other nicely.

“My meeting’s going to take a while. Order whatever you want and put in in my tab.”

Hanbin pushes Yunhyeong away. “I’ll be fine stop worrying about me. Go, your guests are waiting!”  
Yunhyeong greets Bobby one more time and leaves room.

“Over-protective best friend.” He says to Bobby and Bobby laughs.

“I know how you feel.” He says. “Have you eaten? Let’s have lunch together. My treat.”

Hanbin pouts. “I wish I can but I’m meeting someone for lunch too. But hey, you’re welcome to join us if you want.”

“A date?” Bobby asked curiously.

Hanbin laughs and shakes his head. “No. Family.”  
Bobby nods. “Alright. That’ll be fine I guess.” He says.  
Hanbin looks at his watch “They’ll be here any minute now. Wanna order ahead?”

“I can wait. I’ll just use the wash room.” He excuses himself.

Hanbin shuts down his laptop and keeps it inside his bag. 

Mrs. Kim and Esther comes in the café together and Hanbin immediately stands up to greet them. He walks towards them and hugs them both tightly. 

He pulls up two chairs for the ladies and once their seated comfortable he sits back down on his chair. 

“How are you?” Mrs. Kim asks holding Hanbin’s hand on top of the table.

Hanbin grips her hand softly. “I’m okay. I’m sorry I missed his birthday. I was planning to visit him today but I had to see you guys first before you go back to the States.” 

“It’s okay. I know you needed that break.” Mrs. Kim says.

Hanbin smiles. “By the way, I bumped into a friend earlier. He just went to the wash room. I hope you don’t mind him joining us for lunch.”

“A new boyfriend, oppa?” Esther asked.

Hanbin laughs. “No. Just a friend. You guys must be hungry? I’ll go get the menu.” He stands up and walks towards the counter and takes the menu. He sits back down and hands the menu to his guests.

“Yunhyeong wanted to join us but he’s in a meeting. He says it’s going to take a while but he sends his regards.”  
“Kwaenchana. He made it to Donghyuk’s birthday. That already meant a lot to me.”

While Mrs. Kim and Esther study the menu, Bobby steps out of the wash room.

He notices the people seated with Hanbin from a few feet away and he panics. He steps back in the wash room and locks himself inside.

He catches his breath for he felt so out of it. He splashes his face with water to help him calm down and he figures out a way to go out of the café without being seen. Lucky him the café was located at the corner of the street so there were two doors. He comes out of the wash room and rushes out of the café before Hanbin comes to look for him. He runs to his car parked at the corner of the street and drives as far away from the café as possible.

A few minutes after, Hanbin came looking for Bobby and gave up when he couldn’t find him around the place. He explained to the Kim’s and they forgot about him and enjoyed their lunch together.

After Mrs. Kim and Esther left, Hanbin wanted to text Bobby to ask if he was okay and where he was but he realized he didn’t have his number. He thought that maybe there was something important he needed to do that’s why he left without saying good bye. 

He sets his worries away and he takes out his laptop again and he starts working. After being immensely immersed into his fictional character for hours, he decides to take a break from all the writing for he could already feel his eyes hurting from looking at the screen for a long time. 

 

He makes his own coffee from behind the store counters and heads back to his seat. He looks out the glass windows and notice the sun has gone down.  
Yunhyeong pulls out the chair in front of him and takes a seat.

“You’re meeting’s done?” Hanbin asks.

Yunhyeong nods. “Finished about an hour ago.”

“Really? I didn’t notice you come out of your office.”

“I was literally sitting in front of you up until 5 minutes ago because I needed to take a call.”

“Really?!”

Yunhyeong laughs and nods. “Really. That’s how you are when you’re invested so much in your writing. You never noticed?”

Hanbin shakes his head and laughs. “That was funny. I never knew.” And then he thinks about how many times Junhoe probably sat in front of him without him even noticing. Was I that insensitive to him as well? He thinks. 

“So…” Yunhyeong says leaning forward on the table. “Who’s Bobby and why haven’t I heard of him before?”

“He’s a friend I met in Jeju. Actually, I’m not really sure if we’re friends but yeah he’s someone I met in Jeju.”

“Aaaaand?” 

“And what?”

“Come on tell me more about him I’m curious!”

“There’s nothing to tell!”

“You liar! The fact that you’ve met my landlord and my architect before I even introduced them to you screams a lot. Now, spill.”

“He’s a semi-friend who knocked on my door one night drunk and we kissed and sort of made out but he had abs so I stopped him and then he slept over and he left the next day. And a few days after I saw him drunk on a food tent so I helped him and brought him home since I didn’t know where he was staying and we talked and he talked to me about, you know, and yeah that’s it.” 

“Wait, what?! You made out?! And what do you mean by you know?” Yunhyeong asked loudly taking the customers attention.

“Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.” They both apologize.

“Details!” Yunhyeong whispers.

“We talked about ourselves. You know, he talked about him, I talked about me. Stuff like that. You get it.”

“And the kiss?!”

“He was drunk and I was drunk and I thought I wasn’t going to see him again. I got curious it was the first time I ever kissed a stranger.” Hanbin shrugs.

“Oooh, Kim Hanbin, you nasty!” Yunhyeong teases.

“Stop!”

“When are you going to see him again?” Yunhyeong asked excitedly.

“I don’t know. He has a habit of appearing and disappearing out of the blue. I don’t even have his number.”

“Do you want his number? I can ask Mr. Jung.”

“No. Please, don’t. Let’s not go there. I’m not interested.”

“Is that why you almost did it with him?”

“Shut up!”

Yunhyeong laughs and then Hanbin laughs with him.  
“You look happy. It’s been a while since I saw you like this. I’ve been waiting for this.” Yunhyeong says sincerely this time.

Hanbin smiles. “I feel happy. And I have you to thank. That Jeju trip helped me a lot. Thanks for setting it up for me.”

“That’s what we do.” Yunhyeong winks at Hanbin and gets up from the table. “Dinner?” He asked.

Hanbin shakes his head. “I had a full lunch and three cups of coffee. I’m good. And I’m heading home I’m tired. Wanna come along?”

“I can’t I have a staff meeting after we close. You go and get some rest.”

Hanbin nods. He clears up the table and puts his stuff inside his bag. He says bye to Yunhyeong and his staff and he drives home.

Bobby wakes up early the next morning. He takes a hot shower to get ready for the day he was going to have and then he changes into a white dress shirt and a black suit. 

He drives to Donghyuk’s house. 

He parks outside their gate and he stays in his car for a very long time before he finally decides to come out. Both his hands and legs were shaking while he walked towards the gates. 

He rings the bell and Esther greets her at the gate. As soon as Esther sees Bobby, she wraps her arms around his neck and she starts crying. Bobby wraps his arms around her and starts crying as well. He kisses the side of her head and he says, “I’m sorry.”

Esther shakes his head while she cried. She pulls away from Bobby and takes his face on her hands. “You have nothing to be sorry about.” 

Donghyuk’s mom comes out of the house and as soon as she sees Bobby, she too starts crying. Bobby cries harder at the sight of Donghyuk’s mom. Esther steps away and Bobby tries to move his legs but he couldn’t. He was stuck there frozen so Donghyuk’s mom walks towards him and when she’s right in front of him, she wraps her arms around him. Bobby collapses onto her arms and she holds him tightly. Bobby was sobbing uncontrollably on Donghyuk’s mom’s arms unable to say a word. 

“Son, i’m sorry. I am so sorry. I was mad. I was in denial. I was angry. I was looking for someone to blame. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. Forgive me. Forgive my my son. Forgive me.” Mrs. Kim cried as she caressed Bobby in her arms. “I should’ve been there for you. You needed us as much as we needed you but I urged you to leave. Forgive me. I’m sorry. I’ve been waiting for you.”

“I’m sorry too. I never should’ve left.” Bobby finally made out words to speak. “I blamed myself. I was angry at myself too. I’m sorry for leaving you alone.” He looks at Esther and her mom as he spoke. “I’m so sorry.” 

Donghyuk’s mom pulls away and holds Bobby’s face. Bobby leans his face at her soft hands and closes his eyes. 

“I’m so happy you’re okay. I’m so happy you’re here. I know he would’ve been too.” She smiled at Bobby while tears fell from her eyes. 

Bobby holds her hand in his. “Would you come with me? To visit him? I don’t think I can go alone.” He asked and Donghyuk’s mom nodded. 

“I thought you’d never ask.” She lets out a soft laugh.  
Almost an hour later, Bobby was about to face his biggest fear: the truth he’s been hiding from the past two years. 

Donghyuk’s mom walked through the empty halls of the columbarium with Bobby’s hand on hers. Tall walls with names behind small glass windows flash in front of Bobby’s eyes and as every step he took his heart beat faster. Bobby looked around like a scared child holding onto his mother’s hands. 

Donghyuk’s mom stopped at the end of the hall where a wall ended the room. Bobby looked into Donghyuk’s mother’s eyes with so much fear and she held his face in her hand. She brushed his cheek softly and nodded. “It’s okay.” She said.

Bobby’s tears start falling and Donghyuk’s mom let go of him slowly. 

“Take your time. We’ll be waiting outside.” She walks away with Esther who was walking right behind them until they weren’t visible to Bobby’s eyes anymore.  
Bobby turned to the side and walk until he reached the far end of the hall. He looks at the glass window in front of him and Donghyuk’s name flashed right before his eyes. 

He wasn’t crying as much as he was when he saw Donghyuk’s mom first but he was still crying.  
He hangs the flowers by the glass and he smiles at the photo of Donghyuk inside the tiny cabinet. It was a photo of him during their trip to Japan on his birthday three years ago. 

“Hi.” He says touching the glass in front of him. “I hope you’re not mad at me for only coming now.” He wipes his tears away and he clears his throat. “It’s just, it was hard for me. I couldn’t grasp the fact that you weren’t around anymore and I thought going away would make me forget you.” He shakes his head. “It didn’t. You were with me everywhere I went.” He takes a moment to cry. 

“I miss you.” His voice cracked as he said the words. “I’ve been missing you. I’m sure you know that because I tell you that everyday.” He wipes away his tears and he catches a breath because his sobs were getting stronger. 

“Baby i’m so broken. I’m so broken and you’re the only one that can fix me. I need you to tell me that everything’s going to be okay because I feel like it’s not and I feel like it’s never going to be. I’m lost and I can’t find my way back. I need you. I need you here with me. Everyday I wish you were with me. I want to wake up from this nightmare. Wake me up from this nightmare.” He leans his head softly on the glass and he cries. He cries for Donghyuk, he cries for his love for him and he cries for the longingness he keeps. 

After their visit to Donghyuk, Bobby goes home to change snd drive’s back Mrs. Kim’s house to help them pack for their flight later that day. 

They spend their time together catching up, reminsicing, forgiving, and forgetting the things that need to be forgotten. 

Mrs. Kim made Bobby’s favorite dinner and states how much she missed cooking for him. Bobby appreciated the gesture amd the food as they enjoy their first meal together in two years. 

After all the packing and resting for some bit, Bobby drived Esther and Mrs. Kim to the airport. After dropping them off, he remembers how he left Hanbin the day before with the Kim’s. 

He didn’t have Hanbin’s number and address so he drives straight to the coffee shop hoping either Hanbin and Yunhyeong was there. 

It was almost midnight when reaches the café. Yunhyeong was helping hi staff clean up the café by putting the mugs under the counter. 

Bobby knocks on the glass windows and Yunhyeong rushes out to greet him. 

“Hi. I was hoping you know where Hanbin is right now? I kinda left him yesterday without saying goodbye and I wanted to apologize.”

“Oh, Hanbinnie. He’s at home. I can give you his number?”

“Can I have his address instead?”

Yunhyeong gives Bobby Hanbin’s number and Bobby leaves right after saying thank you. 

Bobby rings the bell on Hanbin’s apartment door. Hanbin, who just got out of the shower, changes into his pyjamas in a flash curious as to who was at his house in the middle of the night. He was sure it wasn’t Yunhyeong because Yunhyeong knew to passcode to his house.

He opens the door and sees Bobby standing by the hall.  
“Hey. You disappeared yesterday. I was gonna call you but… wait, are you okay?” He noticed Bobby’s eyes were swollen. He looked like how he looked like the morning after he cried on his shoulder in Jeju. 

Bobby’s smile disappears when Hanbin notices his eyes. He looks down the ground and rubs his face with his hands. “Yeah.” He says. “I came to apologize about yesterday. I was hoping you’d be at the café tonight working. Luckily Yunhyeong was there. He gave me your address. Is it fine that i’m here?”

“Yeah. Of course. I was just going to say that I was going to call you but I don’t have your number.”

Bobby takes out his phone from his pocket and hands it to Hanbin. “Give me yours. I’ll call you.” 

Hanbin takes types his number in and looks at Bobby again worriedly. “I know it’s not my place to ask, but are you okay?” He asked softly. 

Bobby looks at Hanbin with the saddest face. He tries his best to keep himself from crying. He takes a step closer to Hanbin and then wraps his arms around him hugging him. He rests his head on Hanbin’s shoulder but he doesn’t say anything. 

Hanbin wraps his arms around Bobby’s back and he rubs it softly. “Whatever it is, it’s not going to last forever.” He says. 

Bobby hugs him tighter and finds comfort in his arms.  
Hanbin embraces him without judgement.


	4. we bend, we break

Hanbin has been staring at his computer for hours. He stretches his neck sidewards and up and when he faces back front he jumps. 

“You scared me!” He exclaims.

Bobby, who was seated in front of him, laughs.

“What are you doing here? Yunhyeong and your friends left to go to the site after we had lunch earlier.” Hanbin asked.

“It’s not them I wantedt to see.” Bobby says casually making Hanbin blush.

“Are you hungry? Coffee?” Hanbin asked trying to hide his emotions.

Bobby raises his coffee-less cup and shakes the ice. “I finished one. I’ve been here 30 minutes and you didn’t even notice.”

Hanbin hides his face in his hands. “I’m sorry. I have a habit of totally ignoring everything around me when I work.”

“It’s okay. I like watching you work.”

Hanbin looks at his watch. “I have 2 hours left to work and if you keep doing that I won’t be able to concentrate and I need to send a draft to my editor before dinnertime so please stop acting cute and watch me work silently.”

Bobby laughs. “Good thing I brought this.” He takes out his gaming laptop from the bag he brought and sets it up at the table. “If you need something to calm down when you’re stressing out, watch me play. I’ve heard plenty of times that I look hot while I play so I guess that’ll help you.”

“Getting cocky are we?”

“Kidding. Go back to work so you can finish and we can talk.”

“Is there anything we need to talk about?”

Bobby shakes his head. “Not really. I just like talking to you.”

“Please stop.”

Bobby laughs. “I’ll stop.” He puts on his headphones and starts logging in to his game. 

Hanbin goes back to work and immerses himself again totally ignoring Bobby.

An hour later, Yunhyeong, Chanwoo, Jinhwan and Junhoe walk inside the café one by one. Chanwoo recognizes Bobby’s back so he walks straight to their table and he pushes the power button of Bobby’s laptop while he was in the middle of the game. He runs towards the other table where the others were before Bobby catches him.

He sits beside Jinhwan while they laugh at Chanwoo’s silliness. 

“Really mature, Jung Chanwoo.” Jinhwan says.  
The two bicker like kids. 

Junhoe, on the other hand, can’t help but notice Bobby.   
“Yunhyeongie, who’s he?” He asks. 

Yunhyeong looks up to see who Junhoe was talking about and laughs softly. “Why? You jealous?”

“No. I was just asking. He wasn’t at lunch earlier.”

“Bobby. He’s a producer. Or he used to be… years ago.”

“Right.” Junhoe nods. “Is he dating Hanbinnie?” He adds.

“Why do you care?”

“Of course I care. Hanbin’s still important to me but don’t worry it doesn’t mean I’ll meddle with his business. I was just curious.”

Yunhyeong rolls his eyes. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this but no they’re not dating.”

Jinhwan grabs Junhoe by his arm and says, “I’ll introduce you to my bestfriend.” He says. 

Junhoe gives his attention to Jinhwan while he called Bobby. Bobby gets up from their table and walks towards theirs. 

“Bob, meet our engineer, Goo Junhoe.” Junhoe gets up and offers and handshake. “Junhoe, meet Kim Jiwon but he’s known as Bobby.” 

Bobby looks at Yunhyeong and Yunhyeong nods confirming he was Hanbin’s ex. He shakes Junhoe’s hand and says, “Nice to meet you.”

“You too.” Junhoe says. He sits back down and offers a chair to Bobby.

Bobby looks behind to see Hanbin still immersed in his work. He takes the seat Junhoe offered.

“Are you guys ready for dinner? Reservation’s in an hour.” Jinhwan asks.

Bobby looks at his watch. “He’ll be done by then.” He says referring to Hanbin. 

“Do you guys want coffee while we wait?”

The guys at Yunhyeong’s table nods so he gets up to get them some. 

“I’ll help you.” Bobby catches up to him not wanting to stay at his friends’ table.

“Uhm, was Junhoe there during lunch earlier?” Bobby asked while he walked behind Yunhyeong.

He goes passed the counters and asks the barista to help him prepare 5 cups of coffee. He checks Hanbin’s table and he counts the coffee cups on top. “Is the other one yours?” He asks Bobby. Bobby looks out where he was pointing at and nods. “Make it 6.” He says to the barista. “Hanbin’s limit is 3 cups so he gets one more.”

“Oh, what was your question? Was Junhoe there during lunch earlier?” 

Bobby nods.

He turns to fill up the coffee maker and laughs to himself. “Yeah. Why?”

“Was Hanbin okay with him being there?”

Yunhyeong stops what he was doing and looks at Bobby. “He was. They’re okay. They had the goodbye talk after Hanbin’s trip and they’re in good terms.”

“Oh. Okay. That’s good I guess.” Bobby says and Yunhyeong laughs.

“You like him?” Yunhyeong asked.

Bobby scoffs. “A person would be crazy to not like him.” He says as he watched Hanbin type on his laptop from where he was standing.

Yunhyeong stops and looks at Hanbin. He smiles and nods.

Hanbin stretches his arms up as soon as he finishes up his job. He searches the room for Bobby and when they finally meet eye to eye he smiles at him. Bobby looked at him like he was the only one in the room and gives him a smile back. 

Hanbin shuts his laptop down and walks towards the store counter. He leans forward and watch Yunhyeong and Bobby prepare their coffees. 

Yunhyeong takes the tray of iced coffee to his visitors who were busy talking about their project while Bobby and Hanbin remained behind.

“I heard you had lunch with your ex earlier.” Bobby bumps into Hanbin’s side.

“Jealous?” Hanbin asked.

“Me?” Bobby scoffs and they both laugh. “Just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He said this time sincerely.

Hanbin nods. “There’s no reason not to be.”

Bobby smiles. “Where do you get your positivity?”

Hanbin shrugs. “I already have too much on my plate to stress about the things I know I can’t change and us not being together anymore is one of them so I let it go. It wasn’t easy but at least I did right?”

“What’s on your plate that adds to your stressors?” Bobby asked curiously. 

“Hmmm let me think.” Hanbin brings his hand out and starts counting with his fingers. “You, you, you, oh and you.” He says teasingly. 

Bobby pouts. “I’m a burden to you?”

Hanbin faces Bobby. “I like being burdened by you.” He says and he leaves to pack up his things. 

This leaves a huge smile on Bobby’s face. He takes a sip from his coffee and Chanwoo leans behind the counters beside him. 

“You look like an idiot.” He whispers to Bobby.

Bobby notices he was still smiling so he makes a straight face and he stands up straight. 

Chanwoo laughs. “Go pack up things if you don’t want us to lose our dinner reservations.” 

Bobby leaves Chanwoo and moves to the table. He helps Hanbin gather his notes and he places his laptop back into his bag.

They move out of the café and drive to Itaewon for dinner.

 

Hanbin meets Bobby at the children’s playground in his place. He takes the swing next to Bobby and he rocks back and forth gently. 

“Are you cold?” Bobby asks.

“Nope I’m fine. You?” Hanbin answers.

“I’m okay too.” 

They stay silent for a while enjoying the cold breeze the wind blew. It wasn’t too cold that night. The weather was just right to hang outside.

“I just wanted to spend time with you. I’m going away for a while.”

Hanbin stops and looks at Bobby.

Bobby looks at him and says, “I’m going on a trip to Indonesia with Chanwoo and Jinhwan tomorrow.”  
Hanbin closes his eyes and releases a sigh of relief. He laughs at his pettiness and he goes back to rocking the swing. 

“I think Junhoe likes Jinhwan.” Hanbin says out of the blue.

“Really? How so?”

“I don’t know. I could just feel it. I do know the person and I know what he’s like. I’m not a hundred percent sure but there’s a huge possibitly.”

“Too bad Jinhwan doesn’t like assholes.” 

“He isn’t that bad.” Hanbin says in Junhoe’s defense.

“But he wasn’t that good either right?”

“To me. Jinhwan’s different. What if he’s the one Junhoe was looking for? We can never know.”

“You know what one of my goals were growing up?” Junhoe asked changing the subject.

“What?”

“It was to protect all the people around me as much as I can. I promised myself I’d never let anyone hurt the people I care about. I was so adamant about that when I was a kid. And then one day I failed and after that I kept failing. And what’s funny is that the person I needed to protect the people around me was myself. Ironic right?”

“You know what word I hate the most?” Hanbin asked randomly.

“What?”

“Fail.” He says as he starts getting to his point. “I hate it when people say I’ve failed, or I’m failing or I’m a failure. It irritates me.” He laughs a bit. “Being alive is one of the greatest blessings one could have and instead of living it thinking you’ve failed, why not live it by trying again and again until you make it? Right?”

“You say it like it’s that easy.”

Hanbin shakes his head. “I never said it was easy. It was never easy for me and I know it will never be. Same goes for you and for other people. What’s the point of having goals if it were easy to achieve?”   
Bobby looks at Hanbin and smiles. “I guess you’re right.”

“I am aren’t I?” Hanbin laughs. “Imagine how easy life would be if everything came easy. But also imagine how dull it would be. There’d be no room to learn and grow. Pain is what makes us human. We get it, we cause it. It’s inevitable. But what’s great about it is we learn from it.” Hanbin stops his swing from rocking and he faces Bobby. “You’re not responsible for everyone around you. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

Bobby looks at Hanbin and nods. “I’ll try.”

Hanbin shrugs. “That’s good enough for me.” He smiles at Bobby.

Bobby leans at the chain of the swing and smiles back at Hanbin. 

They stay for a little more while talking about the most random things until it got too cold to be out. Hanbin walks towards his building while Bobby followed from behind. Bobby pulls Hanbin’s hand from behind and he hugs him as soon as he turns to him. He buries his face in Hanbin’s neck and hugs him tight. 

“I can’t help it. I’ve been wanting to do this as soon as you stepped in the playground earlier.” Bobby confessed. 

“Why didn’t you?” Hanbin asked.

“I didn’t think you’d want me to.”

Hanbin wraps his arms around Bobby. “It’s only okay if you do it.”

Bobby kisses the side of Hanbin’s head and he keeps him in his embrace for a long as he can before walking him back to his apartment.

After a day of roaming around, visitng the beach and exploring Bali, Bobby, Chanwoo and Jinhwan called in an early night and went back to their villa after dinner for they were tired. They had a few days more to spend in town so they take the first night to just chill by their place. 

Chanwoo took out three bottles of beer from the fridge and went towards their pool area where Jinhwan and Bobby were. Bobby was lying down resting his head on the pool chair while Jinhwan was distracted by his phone. Chanwoo hands out the bottles to his friends and he bumps the tip of their bottles before taking the pool chair in between Bobby and Jinhwan. 

Bobby takes a sip from his beer without taking his sight off the sky. “There are so many stars here. you can never see this much stars in Seoul.” He says.

Chanwoo looks up the stars and smiles. “You’re right. This is why I bought a house on Jeju.”

Jinhwan laughs at his phone and the two give him judging looks.

“Who the heck have you been texting?” Chanwoo asked.  
“Huh?” Jinhwan asks and looks up. 

Bobby laughs. “You’re smiling like an idiot.” He says and leans back the chair to admire the sky more.

“I wasn’t. we’re talking about work.” Jinhwan says in defense.

“Work?” Chanwoo raises his brow at Jinhwan. 

“Yeah. I’m talking to our engineer.”

“You’re flirting with our engineer?!” 

“I said I was talking!”

“People don’t smile like that when they’re talking about work especially on vacation! You’re flirting!”

“Yeah. Yeah. So what?! Huh?! I’m single, he’s single what’s wrong about it?!” 

“Why lie when you were just gonna admit it anyway?!”

“Can the both of you please shut up?” Bobby asked calmly still looking at the stars.

Chanwoo sticks his tongue out at Jinhwan and sits back in a relaxing position on the poolside chair. 

Jinhwan takes a sip from his beer and does the same.

“I didn’t tell you because it doesn’t mean anything yet. We’re just talking.” Jinhwan calmly explains his side.

“Just make sure that relationship of yours doesn’t affect our project.” Chanwoo says and takes a sip from his beer.

“It won’t. We’re grown-ups and professionals. He is too. He’s kind and a gentleman and very professional. There won’t be a problem, take my word for it.” 

Chanwoo scoffs. “You barely know the guy.”

“Chanwoo’s right, Nani. You barely know him. From what I heard he’s an asshole.” Bobby butts in the conversation.

“And you know him because?” Jinhwan asked.

“He’s Hanbin’s ex.” Bobby takes another sip from his beer.

“Oh.” Jinhwan was concerned. “I can stop talking to him if he does. I mean if he’s going to be around. You know…”

Bobby laughs. “What? What are you talking about?”

“He means if you’re going to be with Hanbin he can’t be with Junhoe because that’d be awkward when we all hang out together.” Chanwoo explains.

Bobby scoffs and shakes his head. He finishes up his beer and gets up from the chair. “I’ll get the next round.” He says as he walked back inside the villa to get more beer.

“Ya! Why didn’t you tell me Junhoe was Hanbin’s ex?!” Jinhwan slaps Chanwoo’s arm.

“Does it look like I know?! They didn’t seem to bother each other at dinner the other night.” Chanwoo responds.

“You’re right. They’re probably over each other. It’s probably been a long time. Right? Do you think Bobby’s mad? Do you think I offended him?”

Chanwoo shrugs. “No. I don’t think so? Stop overthinking he’s just getting beer.”

“Right. Okay. But what do I do? Do I keep talking to   
Junhoe?”

“Ask Kimbap. I’m not the one dating the ex.”

“Not dating the ex either so I don’t have a say in that.” Bobby says from behind. Chanwoo’s eyes grow large and he keeps himself from laughing.

“Nani, date whoever you want. I was just saying that from what I heard about him, he’s an asshole. But who knows? People change right?” Bobby adds. He hands out the bottles to the boys and sit back down his chair.

“What about Hanbin? Do you think he’ll mind?” Jinhwan asked.

“Hanbin isn’t the type of person to meddle with other people’s relationships too. If you really like Junhoe and you think he’s worth it, talk to him about it. It’ll make you feel better.”

Jinhwan nods. “Hanbin really does seem nice, right? But you don’t like him?” He asks Bobby. 

“Are you kidding me? Have you seen him smile when Hanbin’s around? He likes him. And kimbap, if you guys date, it’s a plus for us too. I love having him around. He’s comfortable.” Chanwoo says.

“Right? You feel it too? He feels really familiar. I know I said I’ve seen him before because I think I really have but now that you mentioned it, maybe I just think I’ve seen him before because he feels really comfortable to be around.” Jinhwan says amusedly. 

Bobby nods. He takes a sip from his beer and leans his head back focusing on the stars above them again. He lets out a sigh. “I like him. I really like him. But I don’t know why I like him and that’s the problem.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? He’s funny, he’s smart, down to earth, good looking. He’s practically everything you could ask for in a person.” Chanwoo says.

“He also has Donghyuk’s heart.” Bobby says without budging from his position. 

Chanwoo sits up and faces Bobby while Jinhwan gets up from his chair and walks in between Chanwoo and Bobby but no one says a word. The two grow quiet. They’re both in shock by what they just heard. Jinhwan sits at the space in Chanwoo’s chair facing Bobby too.   
Chanwoo’s hand was covering his mouth still unable to say a word. Bobby sits up and moves to the edge of the chair. He sits facing the two and he rests his elbows in his knees.

“The hospital.” Jinhwan says. 

Chanwoo and Bobby looks at him and waits for him to say more. 

“I know where I saw Hanbin first. The hospital. We were waiting for your surgery to be done. They brought out Donghyuk first and then we asked if he was okay and then the nurse shook his head. Chanwoo walked away and sat back down the hospital bench and cried but I followed the nurse. He said he was needed at the other operation room and I couldn’t figure out why if he was lifeless. I stood outside the room because I wanted to know what they were going to do with him. And then I saw Hanbin being rushed to the same operation room. Donghyuk donated his heart and Hanbin got it.” Jinhwan says still in astonishment at how things were starting to make sense.

“Is this true?” Chanwoo asked.

Bobby looks at him and nods.

“Did you know all along?” He asks Bobby again.   
Jinhwan gets up and walks around to get some air.  
Bobby shakes his head. “I found out after we met the first time. Esther called. I don’t know how she got my number but she called to say they were back in Korea and that her mom wanted to see me. And then she told me about Hanbin. They said they kept in touch with him and asked if I wanted to meet him. I didn’t imagine it would be him. I even laughed because of how coincidental it was to have the same name with the person living in your house. But she sent me a photo.” Bobby was crying now. He wipes away his tears from his face. “And it was him.” He shrugs. 

Chanwoo reaches for his hand and Jinhwan crouches down in front of Bobby to hold his other hand. Jinhwan was crying now too. 

“Does he know you know?” Jinhwan asked.

Bobby shook his head. “He doesn’t need to know because I’m not going back anymore.”

Jinhwan let go of his hand. “What do you mean?”

“Bob, you don’t have to come back for him. Do it for us? For you? You can’t keep running away forever.” Chanwoo says.

“That’s the point. I came back because of him. I can’t keep myself away from him. I always feel the need to be wherever he is. I’m going crazy about him, because of him. I want him. I want him so much but I know I want him for all the wrong reasons and it’s not fair. It’s not fair to him and it’s not fair to me.”

Chanwoo doesn’t argue and so does Jinhwan. They let him be but they stay there with him. Bobby didn’t need lecturing. He needed a shoulder to cry on and that was what they were there for. 

They were as confused as Bobby. They knew about everything but it felt like they knew nothing. It was hard to grasp. It was a lot to take in for all of them. Especially now that Hanbin’s gotten close to them as well. 

Donghyuk wasn’t just Bobby’s boyfriend. He was family to Chanwoo and Jinhwan too. Their emotions through this situation was hard to explain. 

Do they only like Hanbin because Donghyuk’s a part of him? Is that why he feels so familiar and comfortable? How much of Donghyuk was in Hanbin? These kind of questions were running through their minds but they were all too scared to speak it out loud. 

Afraid that it could harm their friend and afraid that it might be true.


	5. do it together

“Can’t sleep?” Bobby asks Jinhwan who was at the living room area of the villa playing with his bottle of beer while deep in thought.

He takes a seat at the other side of the couch. Jinhwan hands him his beer and Bobby takes a sip before giving it back. 

They both stare at the empty space in front of them before Jinhwan speaks.

“Where’d you think we’ll be right now if Dong was here?” Jinhwan asks him.

“Hmmm.” Bobby thinks clearly and goes back to how they were before. “Probably in our apartment. You’d be making dinner, Chanwoo and I would be at the living room playing a game and Dong would be at the dining table cutting out pieces of paper for his class the next day. Then you’ll get mad because nobody was helping you slice the onions or set up the table. Donghyuk would laugh at you but will move his stuff in our room to help you. Then we’ll have dinner and talk about our day. How you and Chanwoo booked another client, how my song is still ranking on charts after a month of release, how Dong’s student ate glue again. Then we’ll laugh and laugh and laugh and we’ll move to the living room to binge watch our favourite show until one of us fall asleep.”

Jinhwan smiles emotionally. “Our life was so simple back then. Despite all the crazy from work, it was peaceful.”  
Bobby nods. “It was. Simple but great. Almost too good to be true.”

“Maybe that’s why it ended too soon? Because it was too good to be true?”

“Maybe.” Bobby says sadly.

Jinwhan lets out a sigh. “I haven’t missed Dong this much in a long time. I miss him even more today. I’m scared I’ll miss him a lot more in the future.”

Bobby stays quiet for a while. They both do. They exchange the bottle of beer and takes turns in taking sips. 

“I’ve been thinking about him. Hanbin I mean. I’ve been thinking why I was so fond of him. I keep looking for traces of Dong in him.” 

“Don’t do that. It’s not fair.” Bobby says.

Jinhwan looks at Bobby apologetically. 

“But is it even possible? For a person to change personalities because of a heart transplant?” Jinhwan asked curiously.

Bobby laughs a bit. “Believe it or not, Chanwoo has been reading me studies and researches about it until he fell asleep.”

“So is it?”

Bobby nods.

“You think Hanbin too?”

Bobby releases a sigh. “I don’t know. But I don’t think it matters.”

“Why not?”

“Because...” He starts. It was hard for him to say out loud the truth that has come. He’s grown to like Hanbin. He’s grown to want him. He hasn’t felt better the last two years until he met him and it was just horrifying for him to think that maybe the only reason he was so into him was because his first love lies beneath him. “Nothing will change the fact that Donghyuk’s a part of him. He will always be. I’m always gonna see that, and even if time comes that I don’t, he’s going to see that and he’s going to think I’m only staying because of it. I can’t do that to him. He’s been beating himself for too long. I can’t let him live thinking he’s only wanted because I see someone else in him.” He says regretfully.   
Jinhwan moves closer to Bobby and he rubs Bobby’s back in comfort. There were so much he wanted to say but he knew none of it would matter so he keeps them to himself. 

He and Chanwoo have been talking about how much Bobby’s changed ever since he came back. The past two years were dreading for them as friends. They nearly caught up with Bobby. He was a mess, a wreck. He fooled around, got drunk every night, got into fights. Sometimes Bobby would call them from a different country and they’d fly over until he was okay again. Until he wasn’t crying again. Until he can manage to feed himself again. It went on for a very long time and they thought it wouldn’t end. And then Hanbin came to the picture. He wasn’t drinking that often anymore, he looked forward to going out more than staying in, he was involved more in conversations, he made jokes and he laughed, he was slowly going back to how he was. It hurt Jinhwan seeing how Bobby was the past two years but it hurts him even more now that when he finally found someone who could save him, he turns out to be the one the broke him. 

Jinhwan excuses himself and goes to the bedroom to sleep. Bobby takes another bottle of beer and heads out the pool area. He rests at one of the pool chairs and enjoys the peace and his beer by himself. 

While deep in thought, his phone rings. He takes it out from the pocket of his hoodie and he stares at the name flashing on the screen. He made it rings three more times before finally answering the call.

“Hey. Did I wake you?” Hanbin asked.

“No. I was up.” Bobby answered. He looks at his watch to check the time. “It’s 3 in the morning over there. Why are you still up?” 

“I thought of you so I called you. How’s Bali?”

Bobby smiles sadly. “Could be better.”

“Better if I was there?” Hanbin teased and Bobby laughs.

“Are you drunk?”

“Not exactly. But I did have a little bit to drink before I went home.” Hanbin says shyly. 

“I’m flattered I’m the one you chose to call.”

“Wouldn’t be calling anyone else but you.”

Bobby sighs. “You make my heart hurt, Kim Hanbin.”  
“Is that a good thing?” 

Bobby shakes his head as if Hanbin could see him. “I wish it was.”

“Mmmm?” Hanbin asked. He was obviously on the verge of falling asleep.

Bobby laughs silently. “Sleep well, Hanbin ah.”

“Bobby?” Hanbin called out.

“Yeah?”

“See you when you get back okay?” 

“Mmmm.” Bobby answered.

“Promise?”

Bobby looks up the sky as tears rolled down his cheeks.   
“I’m sleepy.” Hanbin talked like a baby. “Promise?”

“Promise.” 

Bobby kept the phone on his ear until he heard Hanbin snore on the other line. He laughed a bit and dropped the call. 

He stood up from the chair, took off his hoodie and his pants until he was in his boxers and dove into pool. He swam laps as fast as he could and when he got tired, he float upwards and stared at the stars.

“Was it always this hard to be happy?” He asks out loud as he lay there in the water.

“I’ll wash these quickly.” Hanbin says to Yunhyeong as he transferred the plates from the dining table to the sink.

Yunhyeong promised him a quiet dinner at home after dragging him out the night before for drinks with some of their friends. He made Hanbin’s favourite dish so that made Hanbin in charge of the dishes. 

Yunhyeong grabbed the bottle of wine and the different types of cheese he just sliced and took them to the living room. He placed it on top of the coffee table and he made himself comfortable at the carpeted floor while he waited for Hanbin to finish up.

He scrolled through his phone and checked on new posts made by friends and he saw one of Junhoe at the airport.

“Oh, I didn’t know Junhoe was travelling. Bali? He’s going to Bali?” He zoomed in the photo to take a good look on Junhoe’s photo of his ticket and passport.   
Hanbin laughed as he walked in the living room. “I guess I was right. There’s something going on between him and Jinhwan?”

“Jinhwan my architect?! What?! How?! And how’d you know?”

Hanbin chuckled. “Didn’t you notice how quiet Junhoe was the day we had lunch and dinner? He’s only quiet when he’s around a person he wants to impress. You know that.”

“I didn’t even notice. I was busy talking to Chanwoo.”  
“It was actually funny he was almost whispering as he spoke to Jinhwan.” Hanbin laughed as he remembered.

“And you’re okay with it?” Yunhyeong asked seriously.  
Hanbin shrugged. “Yeah. Why get in the way of two people who wants to be happy right?”

“Just months ago you were crying over him.”

“Exactly. It was months ago. I told you. We talked. He forgave me, I forgave him. It’s all good.”

“You’re too nice. He could’ve at least told you he liked Jinhwan or something. He can’t just flirt around in front of you when we go out to eat and stuff.”

“Maybe’s it’s not serious yet? Junhoe’s a decent guy. He knows what he’s doing. Stop hating him so much.”

Yunhyeong scoffs. “If he was a decent guy, he would’ve been decent enough to end it properly with you.”

Hanbin poured wine onto both their glasses and took a sip. “It was a bad break up, yes. I had it hard for months, yes. He had it hard too. I was just lucky because I had you but he had no one. He had to go through it alone. People fall in love. People fall out of it and it’s okay. I found the answer as to why it happened to us and that’s enough for me.”

Junhoe and Hanbin had been together for 6 years. And unlike other couples who broke up every time they fought and got back together when they were okay, it didn’t happen to them. When they broke up, that was it. It was bad because when they split, they hated each other. But the time apart made them realize why it wasn’t going to work anymore. 

When Hanbin got back from Jeju, he went straight out of his apartment to drive to Junhoe’s place to talk only to find Junhoe already outside his building on the way to talk to him. Only then they said their sorry’s and their goodbye’s. They were grateful to the time they spent together and looked forward to a life where they at least can be friends. 

“You found an answer huh? Does that answer happen to have a name? Bobby maybe?” Yunhyeong teased.  
Hanbin’s eyes widen. “What? No!”

“Admit it. You like him!”

Hanbin smiles from ear to ear so he hides it by taking another sip from his glass.

Yunhyeong glares and Hanbin nods. “Yeah. So?”   
Yunhyeong scrunches his nose. “He is cool isn’t he?” 

Hanbin giggled and nodded. “He is. He’s hot, too. And I always thought it wasn’t possible to like people the first time you meet them because when I first met Junhoe I despised him so much but Bobby… I don’t know. There’s something in him that draws me in.” 

Yunhyeong smiled like how a supportive friend should and took a sip from his wine. “I’m happy for you. I’m happy you’re okay and now even better because of a certain someone.”

“I’m happy too. Like really happy it’s kinda scary. You know how they always say that great happiness comes with great sadness. I’m afraid it might happen to me because I’m so happy right now.”

Yunhyoeng takes Hanbin’s hand to his and grips it. “The people who say that are just bitter and ungrateful in life. Stop seeing the negative side of things. Enjoy what you have now. Make it last because sadness is inevitable. It crawls up to us when it wants and it’s up to us to let it stay or not. You’re the one who told me that.” 

“You’re right. But I don’t want to rush things with him. I like his company and I just want to get the most of what I can get. I’m happy when he’s around, when I think of him, the thought of seeing him again in a few days. It makes me giddy. I feel like I’m in high school.” Hanbin laughs.

“Oh to be young and in love.” Yunhyeong rolled his eyes and they both laughed.

“Wait, we’re out of gruyere. I’ll go slice some more.” Hanbin gets up and takes the wooden board filled with cheese to the kitchen with him. He takes out a chunk of gruyere from the fridge and he begins slicing them thinly placing them one by one on the board. His doorbell rings and he called out to Yunhyeong to check who it was.

Yunhyeong gets up from the floor and checks the monitor. hanbin walks back in and stares at Yunhyeong who was still staring at the monitor tilting his head checking out the person outside the door. 

“What are you doing? Who is it?” Hanbin asked as he placed the wooden board back on the table.

Yunhyeong tilts his head to the other side and continues to spectate the person. “I agree he’s hot but I’m certain I’m more good looking than he is. He’s not bad though, don’t get me wrong.”

Hanbin walks towards him and jumps when he sees the monitor. “Oh my god he wasn’t supposed to be back until the next few days.”

Bobby laughs from outside. He clears his throat and says, “I can hear you guys.” 

Hanbin and Yunhyeong cover their mouths with their hands at the same time.

“I think we had too much wine.” Hanbin whispers to Yunhyeong. 

“I think it’s time you let him in.” Yunhyeong says and walks back to the living room.

“Oh. Right. Sorry.” Hanbin walks towards the door and opens it for Bobby. “Hi.” He greets him cheerfully. 

“Hey.” Bobby says back. 

Yunhyeong walks back to where they were and squeezes in between Hanbin and Bobby. “Hey. I’m sorry. Actually, I’m not. I still think I’m better looking than you are. But you’re hotter don’t worry.” He says to Bobby and walks away from Hanbin’s apartment.

“Where are you going?!” Hanbin asked out as Yunhyeong walked towards the elevator.

“I’ll call you tomorrow. Have a good night.” He winks at Hanbin and then he disappears from their sight.

Hanbin rests his head on his palm before looking back up at Bobby. “I’m sorry about him. Wine.” He says.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry for crashing your party.”

He welcomes him in and they proceed to the living area.   
Bobby places his backpack down by the coffee table while Hanbin went to the kitchen to get a wine glass for Bobby. He walks back to living room places the glass down the table. Bobby, who was staring out the huge glass window, and turns around to look at Hanbin who was pouring wine on their glasses.

Hanbin notices the sad look on Bobby’s eyes as we walked back closer to him. “Are you okay?”

Bobby purses his lips into a flat line and releases a breath. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

Hanbin’s heart starts racing before even knowing what it was going to be about but he tries to keep his chill and he hears Bobby out. He hands out the glass to Bobby and takes a sip from his. They sit on the couch both on different edges. Bobby takes a sip of wine from his glass and Hanbin waited patiently for Bobby to speak.

Bobby took another sip from his glass and he releases a deep breath before he starts speaking. “When I turned 24, two years ago, I had a birthday party in one of the clubs in Gangnam. All of my friends were there. Jinhwan, Chanwoo and a lot more. And so was my boyfriend and his friends. We were probably a group of 50 people or more. Artists, co-producers, my bosses, everyone. It was lit. Really loud music, unlimited alcohol, dancing and singing, indoor fireworks. Like how a real party should be. And then I got so hammered until I couldn’t walk anymore. Good thing, my boyfriend then, didn’t drink because he wanted me to have a good time and not worry about who was going to drive us home that night. When it was time to go home, he carried me to our car and he fastened my seatbelt. He went on to the driver’s seat, fastened his seatbelt and just when he was about to drive away, I vomited right there so he had to get off and clean me up before we left to go home. On the way home, we got into a crash. It wasn’t as bad as the movies where the car goes rolling upside down but the collision was strong enough to lift my boyfriend up from his seat until his body was halfway out of the shattered windshield.” Bobby wipes away his tears as he remembered the worst day of his life. 

Hanbin was covering his mouth with his hands with tears already forming in his eyes. 

“I don’t remember that much on the crash because I was dead out drunk. The last thing I remember was a very bright light in front of me and the noise of glass shattering. A few days after, I woke up in the hospital. I woke up to Chanwoo and Jinhwan standing at the edge of my bed staring at me. Jinhwan was already crying and Chanwoo was consoling him. I tried sitting up but my whole body hurt. Chanwoo and Jinhwan rushed to my side to help me lie back down. I asked where Donghyuk was but none of them answered. I grabbed Chanwoo’s hand and asked him again and then he shook his head. He shook his head and he started crying. He held into my hand, he bent down and he cried with me.” Bobby’s breathing has changed because of his crying and he had a hard time catching it. This was the first time he told this story to anyone but it was twice as hard to tell especially that it was Hanbin he was telling it to. 

Hanbin, who was gently weeping beside him, moved closer to Bobby and wiped away his tears from his face. Bobby looked at Hanbin and Hanbin gave him a faint smile. On then Bobby was able to continue on with his story. 

“Chanwoo nodding hurt more than the broken bones in my body. It hurt more than the bruises and the stitches. And what hurt more is that he had to go when I was the one who deserved to go. It was my fault. If I hadn’t puked in that car he would’ve had just drove away with his seatbelt on. But I did and so he got off to clean me up and when he got back he forgot to put it back on. I know because I heard the click the first time he did it and I didn’t hear the click the second time. And if I weren’t drunk I would’ve told him that he forgot to put it back on. Later the day I woke up, I insisted to leave the hospital. That was the time I couldn’t feel anything anymore. Not my wounds, not my scars, not my bruises nor my broken bones. Chanwoo and Jinhwan drove me to where Donghyuk was and before we even got into the building, Donghyuk’s mom came out crying hysterically. She threw punches on my chest and she was screaming ‘You killed him. You killed him. How dare you take away my son from me. You killed him.’ She said and I couldn’t even defend myself because right then and there, I knew it was true. I knew I did. I knew it was my fault.” He stops to catch his breath again before continuing on.   
“And so I ran away. I was suffering the past two years but not once did I complain because I knew I deserved to suffer. Seoul broke me and I was afraid if I went back it would break me even more. The reason I went to Jeju earlier than what Chanwoo and I talked about was that because I wanted to be as near to him as I can on his birthday.”

“The night I found you.” Hanbin said. “It was his birthday, right?” 

Bobby nodded. 

“The first time I met you was the first time I had hope in getting better, in feeling better. No one in those two years made me laugh like you did the first few hours we met. But that hope I held on tightly for a few hours, flew away as soon as I stepped outside that house.”

“Why?” Hanbin asked.

“Donghyuk.” Bobby said.

“What?”

“Kim Donghyuk.”

Hanbin moves a little bit farther away from Bobby. “How’d you know that name?” 

Bobby looked at Hanbin weakly and Hanbin starts shaking his head. “No.” He says his voice shaking.

Bobby closes his eyes and he cries harder. His heart felt like someone was gripping it.

Hanbin couldn’t believe what was happening but he tried to be as calm as he could.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked Bobby as they exchanged sobs.

Bobby looked up to meet his eyes. “I don’t know.”  
Hanbin closes his eyes and more tears rolled down his face. He shook his head and opened his eyes again to meet Bobby’s. “Why?” He asked again.

“I don’t know.” He said again. “I was scared. I was in denial. I was happy. I was okay. I felt okay.” He shrugged. “I needed you. I need you. I want you. I like you.”

Hanbin cries harder. He rests his elbows on his knees and he covers his face as he cried. 

Bobby kneels down on the floor and he takes Hanbin’s face in his hands. He wipes away his tears as his fell from his face. 

He looks into Hanbin’s eyes. “I was going to runaway but I couldn’t do it. Not to you. I needed you to know and I needed it to come from me. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away. I’m sorry it had to come to this before I told you. It was just so hard for me to grasp.”

Hanbin leaned in into Bobby’s hand and he cried even more. Bobby moved beside him and held him in his arms as they both cried together. Both scared. Both in denial. Both not knowing what to do.

Hanbin woke up quarter past 3 in the morning wrapped in Bobby’s arms. He doesn’t remember how they fell asleep the night before. He gently moves so that he doesn’t wake up Bobby and sits up on the couch. Bobby still had tears down his face so he figured it hasn’t been long since he slept. He wiped away the tears on his face and he brushed his hair gently. He sits on the floor leaning his back on the couch behind him.

“How did this happen? Why didn’t I see this coming? The moment Bobby grabbed my face and shook his head before greeting me happy birthday, I should’ve known then. Does he only like me because he sees another person in me? Do I only like him because it isn’t my heart? Do we stop this? Do we go on? Did his friends know? Is the reason why his friends are nice to me because I have their friends’ heart? Was I made a fool? Was I used? Did he only say all the nice things to me because I’m not me?” 

All those words were running through Hanbin’s mind. He wanted to get mad. He wanted to be angry but he couldn’t get himself to be angry. Especially that he knows Bobby didn’t ask for this too. Bobby was having it hard too. 

“What a fucking joke.”

He thinks to himself again.

Bobby wakes up and rubs the top of his head gently. Hanbin looks up to him and he smiles. Bobby smiles back. He sits a few inches apart from Hanbin an rests his elbows on his knees.

“Jiwon. Your name is Jiwon.” Hanbin says as he looks at Bobby.

Bobby nods. “How’d you know?”

“They told me about you. I wanted to meet you but Esther said they couldn’t reach you.”

Bobby nods again.

“Did you know before you left? That he had donated his heart to someone?”

Bobby shakes his head. “Not after a year. Jinhwan and Chanwoo told me when they went to see me in Greece.”

“Were you surprised?”

Bobby shakes his head again. “Donghyuk did everything he could to help people. Even the people he didn’t know. It was kind of expected.”

“Did you ever wonder who it was?”

“No. I just thought that whoever he was, he was lucky.”  
Hanbin nods. “I am. Really.” He smiles. “Did Jinhwan and Chanwoo know?”

“I told them just the other night.”

“Do you still blame yourself?”

“Not anymore.”

“This is why you ran away at the café? You saw Mrs. Kim and Esther?”

Bobby nods. 

“Have you spoken to Mrs. Kim and Esther?”

Bobby nods. “I saw them before they left for the States.”

Hanbin has started crying again but he cried quietly.   
“Bobby.” He called out softly.

Bobby looked up to him and moved closer when he saw the tears in Hanbin’s eyes.

“I honestly don’t know how to feel about all of this.” Hanbin starts. “I’m so confused. There are so many questions running in my head. My heart hurts. It hurts so much. It’s breaking piece by piece I’m with you. But what hurts the most is that I want you to be the one to fix it. I want you to be the one to put it back together. Just like how you did it the first time we met. And the second time. And the third. I was slowly becoming whole again and it was because of you.” 

Bobby takes Hanbin in his arms and wraps himself around him. Hanbin rests his head on Bobby’s shoulder and he cries some more. “I don’t know what to do and I hate that I don’t. I want you. I want to be with you but I’m not even sure that’s the right thing to do. What do I do? Tell me what to do.” Hanbin begged helplessly. 

He rubbed the back of Hanbin’s head continuously to ease him from crying so much. “Ssshhh.” He said. “We’ll figure it out. We’ll figure it out together. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” He hushed Hanbin until he stopped crying.


	6. valid feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter can be boring and/or confusing but i need it to set the next parts of the story if you have questions you can ask me here 
> 
> https://curiouscat.me/kaaaiiiyooo131

Bobby had spent the night in Hanbin’s room beside him. He took him to his room the night before to get him to rest properly after their heart wrenching talk. He held Hanbin until he fell asleep in his arms and fell asleep a little while after Hanbin did.

He wakes up without Hanbin in his arms but still right by his side facing him sleeping. A little light from Hanbin’s glass window went through the room aiming straight at Hanbin’s face. He watched him sleep. Hanbin looked disturbed frown lines slightly showing. He runs his finger on Hanbin’s forehead calming Hanbin’s face and he raises his hand up to Hanbin’s face to stop the sunlight from getting to his face. 

Bobby has never spent the night with anyone than Donghyuk. Sure he slept around and had fun but spending the night together had a different level of intimacy to him so he never shared himself asleep with anyone else. It was just Donghyuk. And now Hanbin.  
When he decided to fly an almost 7 hour flight from Indonesia to Seoul the day before, he didn’t really have a plan on what to say to Hanbin. All he knew was that Hanbin needed to know. When he started telling his story, he was fearing one thing: for Hanbin to let him out of the house and out of his life. And at some point in the conversation, he accepted the rejection that was about to come. Yes, he had grown to like Hanbin. It was going to be hard for him to be away from the one person he held onto, the one hand holding him up from falling off the cliff. But a voice in him said that maybe it was for the best, maybe it was the right thing. And maybe letting go was going to get him back to square one but he knew that once he healed, and because of Hanbin he believed he would, he would be healed entirely. He was set to get his life straight. He wanted to get better. On that 7 hour plane ride, he thought of ways to move past all the pain he received the past two years. He knew he needed to forgive himself, he knew he needed to forgive Donghyuk for leaving, he knew he needed to stop depending on his friends, he knew he needed to get back on his ass and start working again no matter where it would be. For once, he wanted to move on with his life. And deep inside those thoughts, he wished that once he was completely healed, he’d knock into a random door again and Hanbin would answer the door. And then he’d fall without having thoughts that maybe he was just falling because his first love was beneath him. He’d fall because he was Hanbin and no one else.

Waking up next to Hanbin was just not possible, he thought. He brushed the back of his fingers on Hanbin’s cheek to make sure it was all real. He smiles at Hanbin’s touch but a tear falls from his eye at the same time. Never in his wildest thoughts did he ever think this was going to happen. But now that it had, he’s even more eager to work on not just himself but Hanbin too. Now that he had this beautiful human being in front of him, he had set new goals: protect at all cost, never make him feel he’s wanted for a lot of other reasons other than just him as him, cry, laugh, and if given a chance, love with him, be there when needed and even when not needed, love all his perfects and love even more the flaws and imperfections, answer all questions that needs answers and ask only the questions that were needed to be asked, and most of all, take away all the pain that could be taken. 

Bobby has never had this willingness to live ever since Donghyuk’s passing. Each day since then was him just trying to end it. So many nights he slept and wished he didn’t have to wake up the next morning, so many unfamiliar streets he walked and waited for someone to randomly stab him and leave him until he bled out in the cold, so many drives he hoped a truck would collide into his car making it tumble around the streets of a foreign land, so many brawls he got into and prayed a punch would just knock him out dead. But now as he looked into the face sleeping soundly in front of him, he gives his thanks for having to live off all of those dreadful days. He was willing to now live the best way he can for him and for Hanbin. 

Hanbin flinches and opens his eyes slowly. His eyes get caught with Bobby’s and he smiles of relief. It wasn’t a dream. He was right there next to him. He moves closer closing the gap between them and he buries his face on Bobby’s chest. Bobby wraps his arms around him taking him in as much as he can. He rests his chin on top of Hanbin’s head and steals a quick kiss on top. 

“Good morning.” Hanbin whispers.

“Good morning.” Bobby responds. “You hungry?”

Hanbin nods with face still tucked in Bobby’s chest.

“Should I go out and see what I can make you with what you have in your kitchen?” Bobby stroked the back of Hanbin’s head as he spoke.

Hanbin nods again but he takes his arms out in between their bodies to wrap around Bobby. “5 minutes. Give me 5 minutes. I just want to make sure you’re here for real.”

Bobby chuckles and hugs Hanbin tightly. “It’s real. I’m here. I’ll be here.”

Hanbin smiles and they lay in his bed for a couple more minutes.

Hanbin was now pretty sure Bobby was there but there were still a couple questions running through his mind. He wondered if staying was the right thing to do. He wondered if it was normal to completely trust Bobby. He wondered why he felt so calm in his arms. He wondered if he only feels this way because of his attraction to Bobby. And then he stops when his mind wandered at that direction. He didn’t want to think he was only attracted to Bobby because of Donghyuk. And he didn’t want to think Bobby only wanted him because of Donghyuk. He trusted him but he knew he needed to guard himself too. At this point he thought anything was possible. He made a promise to himself that if Bobby made him feel he was only wanted because he saw Donghyuk in him, he had to be strong to let go. He can’t go back to something he worked hard on running away from. 

Hanbin looks up to Bobby and Bobby looks down on him. 

“You ready for breakfast?” Bobby asked.  
Hanbin nodded. 

Bobby pulls away from Hanbin and gets up from the bed and stands at the edge. “Uhm, can I use your bathroom?”

Hanbin nods. There was no need to ask.

“Thanks.” He says shyly. He turns his back but turns around to face Hanbin again. “Do you have a spare toothbrush? I left mine in Indonesia.” He rubs the side of his head embarrassedly. 

Hanbin sits up. “By the sink, second drawer on the left.”  
Bobby nods. “Okay, thanks.” He turns around towards the bathroom but turns back around again after a few steps.

“Towel?” Hanbin laughs.

“Is it okay if I shower first? Or are you hungry?”

“I can wait.” Hanbin says quite excited because someone was finally making him breakfast other than Yunhyeong. Junhoe never did because he never learned how to cook. The best Junhoe can do was boil water for ramen. They were both every dependent with Yunhyeong when it came to food although Hanbin knew the basics, they both still insisted to eat at 

“I’ll be quick.” Bobby says as he disappeared into the bathroom.

Hanbin’s bath was quite spacious for a bathroom for one. It had a shower at the corner and a tub by the glass window showing the different kinds of plants outside. It was clean enough for a man’s bathroom. With white and gray walls and a few black accents. A mini bookshelf instead of a magazine rack and a chair to sit in. White towels of different sizes filled the wooden shelves at one corner. Bobby took one and proceeded to the shower. He washes himself quickly but thoroughly and wipes himself dry before stepping out. Only then he realizes his backpack was in the living room. He brushes his teeth and heads out of a bathroom with only a towel draped around his waist. Hanbin was scrolling through his phone leaned back on his headboard with a pillow on his lap when he notices Bobby step out.

“I forgot, my stuff is outside.” Bobby rushes out of the bedroom to get his backpack and quickly bringing it back in with him. He walks back to the bathroom Hanbin not even once breaking stare on Bobby.

When Bobby disappers from his sight, he grins. “How lucky am I to be surrounded by guys with such amazing bodies.” Thinking Junhoe too had such a buff body. Junhoe never missed a gym day no matter how busy he was. It was a need for him to go and if he couldn’t, he’d make sure he at least does push ups and crunches at home. 

After Bobby’s changed, he walks out of the bathroom and leaves his backpack by the foot of the bed. “I’ll be at the kitchen. Come out when you’re ready.” He smiles at Hanbin.

“I’ll just take a quick shower myself.”

Bobby nods and proceeds to the kitchen.

When Hanbin walks out after a quick bath, Bobby was placing eggs on their plates. He didn’t even have to make up food for Hanbin’s fridge was stacked. He made kimchi fried rice with egg and two cups of coffee.  
Hanbin takes a seat at the dining table and Bobby takes his place after pouring coffee onto their mugs. 

“My coffee isn’t probably as good as yours but it’s decent enough.” He says.

Hanbin takes a sip from his mug and nods. “I think it’s a little higher than decent.”

Bobby smiles and they start digging in their breakfast.  
The silence was staring to make the atmosphere awkward so Hanbin starts conversing. 

“What are your plans today?” He asks.

“I have a meeting with my boss in two hours.” Bobby says. “I think it’s time to go back to work.”

Hanbin smiles proudly and they spend the rest of breakfast talking about work related stuff filling each other in. Just the first step of getting to know each other more. 

\- 

An hour and a half later, Bobby leaves Hanbin’s place and drives directly to his company. He walks confidently inside and greets workmates he hasn’t seen in ages. Nobody was expecting him back at the company at that day but everyone was pleased to see him. He got hugs from his co-producers and the artists he bumped into. Surprisingly, he was pleased to see everyone too. Only then he realized how much he missed the place and the people. He’s always got a good working environment at that only was enough for him to decide that he didn’t want to tear up his contract with the company when he left two years ago. He knew he was going to go back and it was a place he wanted to go back to. He just didn’t know when.

He knocks into his boss’s glass door before entering and his boss was pretty happy to see him making him look up from his computer immediately. He walks towards Bobby and gives him a welcome back hug rubbing the back of his head. Bobby always saw his boss as an older brother. He felt bad for leaving him with nothing but worry two years ago. He shut everyone out and now it was time to make up for the time lost with his other friends. 

“It’s good to have you back.” Mr. Yang says smiling so widely. “I thought you’d never come back.”

“I can never leave you for good you know that.” Bobby says and they both laugh. 

“Sit, sit. We have a lot to talk about.” His boss makes him sit at his office couch and he sits at the other side of the coffee table across from Bobby.

Bobby looks around the office and shakes his head. “It’s like I never left. Nothing’s changed around here. Well, except for the new daesang trophies on you shelf but everything seems to be pretty much the same.”

“It’s been a very hectic last two years. Especially that you weren’t around. Everyone was just lost without you.” Mr. Yang says honestly. 

Everyone was just very dependent with Bobby when it came to music production. Instead of Mr. Yang having the final say on things, it was Bobby they went to. The company struggled without Bobby the first few months. Comebacks were pushed back. It was a huge adjustment. But Mr. Yang came up with an idea to help them get through their struggle. He asked his producers, “What would Bobby do?” They held unto that question until they got their flow back and it kind of helped. Their songs still charted high and to their surprise, they even won daesangs. Since then they learned how to make things work without Bobby. They had to because nobody knew when he was coming back. If he was coming back.

“You’re making me feel bad.”

“Well, you should.” Mr. Yang teased.

Bobby gave him a roundabout of what he went through the last few years without going into that much details. He was still sensitive about it and if it wasn’t Hanbin who asked, he wouldn’t be comfortable in sharing. He apologized for disappearing and forgetting about the family he had within the company. He apologized for not answering calls and texts and he explained how much he didn’t want to burden Mr. Yang with what he was going through because he knew how much Mr. Yang already had on his plate as a CEO. 

It was a few hours of conversation and simply just catching up. Mr. Yang had lunch delivered to his office for the both of them and they started discussing the plans of the company now that Bobby was back. Bobby was a producer everyone looked up to. He was a teacher, a coach, a partner, a friend. He was creative, artistic, and smart when it came to his craft and it was something he loved doing. 

Before he left his boss’s office, Mr. Yang took out a key from his drawer and handed it to Bobby.  
“The key to your studio. That key hasn’t left my drawer the past two years. Nobody has touched your files and your work.” 

Bobby takes the keys to his hand and he grips it in. “Thank you, boss. And thanks for understanding.” 

“What family is for right?” His boss says and Bobby smiles. “Now, go! Start working! We need your touch back!” 

Bobby leaves after a thank you hug and he takes the elevator down to the 4th floor where his studio was. He walked passed studio after studio and greeted each one by one including the rookie producers. 

Once he reaches his door at the edge of the hall, he releases a quick breath before inserting the key to the door handle and twisting it open. He flicks the lights on and he studies the small space he used to call home. Everything was how he left it just a lot dustier. He walks inside and he locks the door behind him. An open notebook on top of his desk, the last drawer open, a throw pillow on the floor, a blanket on top of the couch, his stuffed pooh and friends sitting at the edge of the sofa. He laughs. He’s never been a clean one. He walks further more the room and he takes a seat on his computer chair. He takes the framed photo of him and Donghyuk by his monitor and he leans back resting his head. He wipes the frame with his hand and he stares at the photo. It was a selfie of them doing ugly faces with a very bad camera angle from the bottom of their faces making them look even funnier. Donghyuk’s nostrils were flared and Bobby’s hair was a mess because he had just woken up. It was taken right there where he was seated. He hasn’t come home in days because of deadlines and he was stressing about work too much. He was napping when Donghyuk came over to visit to bring him food. He got up immediately when he saw Donghyuk and he hugged him tightly making him feel a hundred times better. 

A simple hug from Donghyuk took away all the stress he was having for days. He remembers printing the photo immediately after taking it because he had just gotten his printer from his co-producer Mino as a gift. The photo was quite small for the empty frame he had hidden in his drawer but he didn’t mind. And ever since then, every time he was stressed, he’d look at the photo and he remembers how Donghyuk made him feel that day and he felt better. Every time. 

He runs his fingers over the glass of the frame and he fails at trying not to get emotional. He releases a deep breath and he leans back tilting the chair back a little.

He looks around the room and he takes note of every single thing that reminded him of Donghyuk. His notebooks, his pens, his blanket, the stuffed toys, the figurines, and the SUrF painting hanged on the wall.  
He looks back down at the framed photo on his hand. “I’m going to get rid of them. I need to get rid of them. But it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. Every single thing you gave me, it will always mean the best to me. You know that right?” He spoke as if he wasn’t the only one in the room. “It’s just that, there’s this guy I started to care about. And because I care about him that I can’t have all this around me. You still make me sad, I still ache for you, because of you, and I know it’s not your fault but it’s not his fault also. I just want to be good to him. I just want to be worthy of him.” He smiles sadly at the photo in his hand. “I miss you. I still miss you. I’m always going to miss you. I don’t know if it was you who planned for us to meet or if it was God. I have no idea. I have no idea what’s going to happen between us but right now, I want to work hard for him. Maybe I’ll get answers to my questions in the future and I can’t wait to. I just feel like right now, this is what I’m supposed to do.” He wipes away his left cheek where a tear was rolling down and he smiles knowingly that Donghyuk understood where he was coming form and was smiling down on him.

Donghyuk had the biggest heart. He cared, he loved, he understood, he was calm and composed, he had answers to almost everything and if he didn’t, he won’t stop looking until he finds it. He fixed everything, people, things, his students, problems, toys, everything. He was jolly and sweet and he was every good thing in the world. He had no bad bone in his body. And at some point, Bobby thought that maybe that’s why he was taken so early because he’s finished his goal in this life. He’s done all the good things there is probably to be done. He’s done more than people who lived until they were 90. 

Bobby takes a few more moments before finally deciding to get up and start cleaning up his dusty studio. He takes two empty boxes from the utility closet on the 4th floor. One for the things he needed to keep somewhere else, and the other one for the chocolates and chips he stocked in his drawer that were surely expired. 

After sorting out the stuff in the boxes, he keeps them in a corner and he starts wiping the table and his computers. The sofa surely needed to go and be changed, and so as the computer chairs for the leather was starting to peel because of the room temperature. He used up the whole afternoon cleaning his studio and tomorrow he would start buying the stuff he needed.  
After a few hours, he scans the room for any more stuff that needed to go but it was almost empty. Sofa was out, the stuff on the drawers were out except for the notebooks he had written lyrics in. All that’s left was his desk, his computer and his speakers which he tried earlier and still worked divine. 

He stands by the door and scans the room again.  
“Ah, fuck it! I’m changing everything!” 

He calls out for the utility man and asks to get rid of his desk and even the carpet. He needed change and change was what he was getting. He was going to buy a new computer with a bigger RAM, new speakers, new mic, new bulbs, new figurines, new paintings, new everything. 

“Wook Jin hyung, can I leave my computer here just until tomorrow?” He asked his next door neighbour who was busy editing a song.

“Big clean up you’re doing huh? Even getting rid of your computer.” He says. 

“I’m just upgrading. My files are still there so I need it tomorrow for transferring before getting rid of it completely.”

“No probs, Bobby. You can leave whatever you want in here.” He says nicely but he doesn’t lose focus on his work.

“Thanks, hyung. I owe you one.” Bobby says appreciatively.

“You owe me two years worth of owing.”

Bobby laughs. “I understand. I’ll make it up to you I promise.” And then he leaves to get another glimpse of the now empty studio he has. He nods before locking it and he says good bye to his friends before leaving the company for the day.

-

“This is just messed up! How are you even sure this relationship is going to work?” Yunhyeong asked.  
Hanbin filled Yunhyeong in with what happened between him and Bobby the night before. Yunhyeong’s mind is all around confused with the information he just gathered and is now even more confused with Hanbin and Bobby’s set up.

“We’re not in a relationship… yet. Or I don’t know if we ever will be. But I feel like I need him and he needs me. We’re good for each other… I think.”

“Can you even hear yourself? Yet? I feel like? I think? Is there even one thing you’re sure of about this?”  
Yunhyeong was beginning to be his overprotective self.

“I’m sure of him.” Hanbin says confidently.

“You say that now. You’ve met him when? Hanbin, this is Junhoe all over again. He’s thinks he likes you and one day when he realizes you’re not who he think he is, he’s going to leave and you’re going to go back to where you were months ago. You can’t go there. Not again.” Yunhyeong says warningly. 

“That’s just crazy! He won’t do that to me! It’s hard to explain what we have. Uggggghhh!!” Hanbin says frustrated. He wants Yunhyeong to understand but he doesn’t know how to make him understand. “We’re both still confused but we’re going to figure it out. Together.”

Yunhyeong rolls his eyes. “Did he say that?”

“Well… yeah.”

“Of course he will. Hanbin ah, we’re talking about a person who left everything when Donghyuk left. He literally left everything. His career, Mrs. Kim and Esther, his friends, his business. Everything. And he went away for a very long time. And after finding out where the heart of his boyfriend went to, he suddenly wants to be with you? He suddenly comes home to where you are? Did you even think of that?”

“I told you, he didn’t know it was me before we met.”  
“Bullshit! Do you really believe that?! Do you really think knocking on that door was a coincidence?” Yunhyeong was starting to raise his voice. Good thing they were inside his office at one of his café’s.

“I don’t get why you’re so mad! He hasn’t done anything wrong!”

“He lied to you! Why are you blinded by all of this?!”  
Hanbin groans out of frustration. “He explained himself and I believe him! He makes me feel good especially about myself. What’s so wrong about liking a man that makes me feel good huh?”

“Is that why you were checking out Donghyuk’s SNS earlier? Is that how much he makes you feel good? You’re checking out the competition?”

“I’m not trying to check out the competition because there isn’t one! Don’t say that! I was just curious that’s all!”

He didn’t know Yunhyeong noticed. He spent a good two hours just stalking Donghyuk’s old account and finding what he can about him. 

And then he asks himself why even was he stalking Donghyuk? He knew enough about him from Mrs. Kim and Esther.

“I just wanted to know more about him. What he was like towards his friends, to Bobby, to the kids he taught. I guess that’s just it.”

They both don’t say a word until they’ve both calmed down. They were starting to get into an ugly fight and they know it wouldn’t end well if they did. 

“Look, I’m sorry. I like Bobby. I do. And I feel bad for doubting him. I’m just scared. I just don’t want you going back there again.” Yunhyeong says wholeheartedly. Hanbin was in a bad place during and post Junhoe and Yunhyeong wasn’t going to just sit there and watch it happen again.

Hanbin takes his hand that was on top of the table resting. “I know. I am too. But a part of me makes me want to trust him. I trust him. I know what I’ve been through with Junhoe and I know what I’m getting myself into now. He’s not a bad person. Liking me just because I have his ex-boyfriend’s heart doesn’t make him a bad person. He hasn’t done anything to me that could harm me mentally, emotionally, physically, nothing. And I promise you I would be the first one to leave when that happens but it hasn’t. He’s been so good to me. So good. So please trust him to. For me?” Hanbin spoke with so much sincerity. 

Yunhyeong bows his head and apologizes. “I’m sorry. I judged him without even knowing his intentions entirely. I’m sorry too. I’m just scared. You’re finally in a good place…”

“I’m in a good place because of him.” Hanbin says cutting Yunhyeong off. “It’s because of him I can smile and laugh and even work again. It’s because of him I can face Junhoe without feeling bitter or angry. It’s because of him I want to keep getting better and I want to keep getting better. I know you’re concerned and I truly understand where you’re coming from because if you were in my shoes and I was in yours, I’m pretty sure I’d be telling you the exact same thing. But I’m also sure that when you tell me you’re going to be okay and you know what you’re doing, I’ll support you and trust your word for it.”

Yunhyeong nods. “I’m sorry.” He apologizes again. “I trust you. If you think this is what’s best for you, I trust you.” He sighs. “I’ll be here. Always.”

Hanbin smiles. “I know. Me too, for you. You know that right?”

Yunhyeong smiles and nods. “I know.” He stands up from his chair and moves to Hanbin’s side and gives him a hug.

-

On the ride home, Hanbin couldn’t stop thinking about Yunhyeong’s words. 

“Did he really know who I was when he first knocked on that door? Was he going to leave me when he realizes I’m not Donghyuk? Is he just staying because he sees Donghyuk in me?”

He shakes his head rapidly shaking all the negative thoughts away. “He won’t. I trust him.” He whispers to himself. 

He receives a text from Bobby saying he’s gotten home from work and asking if he wanted to grab dinner together. He informs Bobby that he can come over instead and to inform the receptionist of the building that he was expecting a guest. Bobby was happy to oblige and he waits for Hanbin in his home patiently.  
At the bottom of the building lie restaurants of kinds. He enters a pizza place and orders two boxes of pepperoni pizza just in case Chanwoo and Jinhwan was home and pays for additional mozzarella on both.

After a good 30 minutes, he proceeds to the building and takes the elevator up the penthouse.

The lift sent Hanbin directly to Bobby’s foyer. He knew Bobby and his friends lived in a penthouse but he never imagined they had the whole floor all to themselves.  
Bobby happily greets Hanbin at the elevator and gets surprised by the pizza boxes in Hanbin’s hand.

“Ahhh pizza! You should’ve told me you wanted some so that you didn’t have to bother waiting at the restaurant. I could’ve just called for a delivery.” Bobby says. He takes the boxes away from Hanbin’s hand and they both proceed to the dining area.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind.” Hanbin responds but his attention was still on the house. “You guys have the whole floor to yourselves?” He asks still in shock.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Kinda. Well, Chanwoo owns the building so…” 

“Right.” Hanbin remembers and now gives his full attention to Bobby nod.

Bobby sets out two plates and takes two bottles of soda from the three door fridge. 

Hanbin takes a seat across from Bobby. Bobby opens the box and his eyes grow wide when he sees the round dough full of cheese.

“Pepperoni with extra mozzarella.” Hanbin says smilingly.

“How’d you know?” Bobby asked. He takes a slice and places it on Hanbin’s plate and he takes another one for himself.

Hanbin shrugs. “Lucky guess. Oh, I bought two, are your friends here?”

Bobby shakes his head. “They went out for drinks.” He struggles to speak because his mouth was full.

“Why didn’t you come with?”

He swallows the food in his mouth before speaking. “I wanted to eat dinner with you. Priorities.” Bobby says nonchalantly making Hanbin blush.

“Can you show me around the house after we eat?” Hanbin asked changing the topic. He couldn’t believe how much impact simple words of Bobby can give him.  
Bobby hesitated to answer and Hanbin noticed.

“Oh, it’s not okay, it’s fine. Really.”

Bobby wasn’t sure if it was a good idea because Donghyuk’s stuff was still around the house including photos of them and their friends. He didn’t want Hanbin to think that he was leaving it there on purpose. He didn’t want Hanbin to feel uncomfortable. But then he thought Hanbin wasn’t immature to think that. 

“No, no. I’ll give you a tour. It’s kinda a mess though. Imagine three guys living together.” 

Hanbin laughs and they continue to indulge on the slices of pizza in front of them.

After dinner, they started the house tour at the spacious living room. A huge L-shaped couch at the center. Hanbin run his fingers on the expensive fabric while they walk past it. A huge flat screen TV hugging the wall in front and gaming consoles at the coffee table below. A huge book shelf at the other side of the room full of architecture and design books and photo frames scattered around it.

Hanbin takes one of Bobby, Chanwoo, Jinhwan, Donghyuk and another guy he doesn’t recognize and he runs his fingers through the glass. He smiles at how happy Bobby was at the photo and he stares at Donghyuk for a while. 

Bobby clears his throat and takes the photo from Hanbin’s hand putting it back to where it originally was.

“Ready to see the rooms upstairs?” Bobby asked obviously bothered.

Hanbin ignores Bobby’s reaction thinking maybe he went too far. It was only normal for that photo to be there. Donghyuk was their friend. Donghyuk lived there. The only thing they have left of Donghyuk are the memories and photos. 

“But why do I feel sad after looking at it?”

The more they went through Bobby’s house, the more Hanbin noticed something of Donghyuk’s. Kindergarten books, pencils and crayons, toys, medals, awards. All the obvious things were very visible to him. 

Bobby has noticed the change of Hanbin’s mood so he stops the tour and invites him to watch a movie downstairs. While walking towards the staircase, Hanbin notices a room at the edge of the hall.

“What’s that?” He asked Bobby who already was a few steps down. 

Bobby climbs back up to see what Hanbin meant.

“Oh. My studio.”

“Can I see it?”

Again, Bobby was hesistant but he says okay. He walks back to his room to get the key and they walk towards the end of the hall.

“Uhm, I haven’t opened this room since I left two years ago. It’s probably very dirty and dusty and for surely a mess because I’m not really neat when I work.”

Hanbin nods saying it’s okay and that he understands. He just wanted to know a little more of Bobby and seeing his work place says a lot about a person. 

This studio had more of Donghyuk than his studio at the company. 

Bobby opened the door and turned on the lights to see the room he had left a long time ago sitting exactly the same just like his studio in the company. But this time, it felt incredibly different to be in it.

There were sticky notes plastered on the walls, the desk and the mac monitors. Hanbin takes one and reads it silently. It was a cheer up note for Bobby from Donghyuk. He reads the next one he sees and it was a love note. He transfers to look at the photos on the wall and studies them one by one. He smiles at what he sees but he doesn’t understand why he ached inside. 

Bobby was seated at the couch watching Hanbin slowly move from the photos to his desk. Hanbin opens a notebook and he notices it was Donghyuk’s notebook because of the name written on the cover. Donghyuk often helped him write lyrics. He helped him record demo’s. He was pretty involved in Bobby’s job and it really helped Bobby a lot having a support system at the same time a working buddy while he was at home. 

“Hey.” Bobby called out to Hanbin.

Hanbin turns around to see Bobby waving at him asking him to sit beside him.

“You okay?” Bobby asked.

Hanbin nods. “Yeah.” 

Bobby didn’t believe Hanbin. He tilts his head to look him in the eye because Hanbin was avoiding him.

“Am I that obvious?” Hanbin asked shyly.

Bobby nods. “I’m sorry.” He says.

Hanbin grabs Bobby’s arm. “No. Don’t be. I was the one who insisted to see the house. I know it’s normal to have his stuff here. I’m just being pathetic.”

“You’re not pathetic.” Bobby runs his fingers through Hanbin’s hair. “I haven’t been back long so I haven’t had the time to clean up the house.”

Hanbin shakes his head. “No. Don’t. Donghyuk’s a part of you. He’s a part of this house. He’s a part of your friends’ life. You can’t clean up his stuff because of me. Now I feel even more pathetic.”

Bobby moves to face Hanbin. “He was a part of me. Was. But he’s a part of you and he will always be. That’s what makes everything about us complicated.” Bobby wasn’t sure if being honest about what he really thought of their situation was a good idea but he wants to show Hanbin how sincere he was towards him and being honest was the only thing he could do as of the moment. 

“If I’ve known you were coming over today, I would’ve hid Donghyuk’s things. Not because I want to pretend that I’m not reminded of him every time I see his things, but because I am and I want to move past it. I want to move past it because I want you. Because I care for you. And I know being reminded of Donghyuk all the time would hurt you and I don’t want to hurt you. That’s the last thing on my mind. I honestly don’t know if I’m making sense because, I too, is still so confused but I’m trying to do my part. I just hope I’m doing it right. I promised you we’ll figure this out together. We will. I’ll do my best. I’ll do everything until everything starts to make sense. I’m going to work hard until we’re both not confused anymore.”

Hanbin was so touched by Bobby’s words and one thing he immediately thought of was Yunhyeong. He hoped he was there listening to Bobby. 

Bobby leans in closer and runs his fingers on Hanbin’s cheeks. Hanbin didn’t even realize he’s crying. He brings his hand up his face and he laughs embarrassedly when he feels the dampness. 

“I’m sorry. I told you, pathetic.”

“Sshh. Stop calling yourself that. You’re not pathetic. Your feelings are valid okay?” Bobby says making him smile.

“Thank you. Thank you for trying hard enough for the both of us. I haven’t even had the chance to doubt you before you took it all away.” He joked. “You have me. My trust and my support. Anything you’ll ever need from me I’ll give it to you.”

“Me too. Whatever you need. Tell me anything you want or ask me anything you need answers to. I want to be as open to you as I can. That’s the least I could do.”  
Hanbin nods. He leans on Bobby’s shoulder and they stay there in Bobby’s dusty sofa both deep in thought and confused. 

Hanbin knew it was going to be harder as time goes but seeing Bobby take this big of a step sacrificing what he can for the sake of his feelings make him want to work twice as much as Bobby. The truth is, he needed Bobby and he was going to try his best to keep him by his side and the first thing to do was to stop being so affected by Donghyuk. Yes, he was a part of his life. Yes, he will always be there somewhere, somehow. It would take time. He needed to accept that that there was someone else before him in Bobby’s life and of course, the thing that made all things complicated, that someone else was in him. 

As he thought about it now, he understands why Yunhyeong reacted the way he did earlier that night. Because it really did sound crazy. How was he so sure Bobby wanted him for him when his first love was in him? What if Bobby was in denial he just doesn’t know it? He was so sure of his feelings with Bobby that someone who wasn’t him was, no doubt, going to doubt it. 

After his operation two years ago, the only thing that changed about him was how he saw life. The importance of every single living day. After the operation, he read studies about heart transplantation and it’s effects. What he remembers vividly is that only 3/100 experience personality change. He was scared he’d go through it too. But after time all that’s changed about him was his view on life just like the other 97 people in the study and so he was sure of his feelings towards Bobby. He was sure what he felt for him was his feelings and not someone else’s. There are questions but there aren’t doubts and he had Bobby to thank for that. He was making it so easy for him to believe him and himself. He was making this leap he took with him a good decision.


	7. the beginning

Hanbin jumps from his seat as soon as he looks up from his computer when he sees Junhoe sitting in front of him. 

“You scared me!” He exclaims.

“You really have to break that habit of not minding anyone AT ALL when you’re working. Next thing you know your things have been stolen.” Junhoe tells him. “Hi.” He adds after the quick lecture and smiles genuinely. He was happy to finally have Hanbin’s attention after almost an hour of waiting.

“Hey.” Hanbin smiles back. “I know I’m sorry. You know me.”

“So? You done? Can I finally talk to you?” Junhoe raises one of his brows as he leans closer.

“Yeah?” Hanbin says a little bit confused. “Is everything okay?” He looks around to see if anything weird was going on.

Junhoe laughs. “Everything’s okay, Hanbin ah. Chill. There’s just something I need to talk to you about.”  
Hanbin sighs of relief and rests his back on his chair. He takes his iced coffee and takes a sip. He looks at Junhoe already knowing what Junhoe was going to talk to him about. 

“Let me guess, Jinhwan?” He smiles.

Junhoe’s eyes widen. “How’d you know?”

Hanbin laughs. “You’re forgetting we dated for 6 years and that’s kind of a long time. I can tell when you’re nervous or distracted and the first time we shared a meal with Jinhwan, you were pretty obvious.” 

Junhoe bows his head embarrassed. “Right. I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“Well…”

“Junhoe, there’s nothing to be sorry for. We’re broken up.”

Junhoe nods. “But I did want to talk to you about it. I didn’t tell you at first because I didn’t know it would work out. We were just getting to know each other so I didn’t see a point in telling anyone else yet. But I do like him and I think he likes me too. I just wanted you to know from me. Especially that we’re going to bump each other every now and then. I didn’t want you to think ill of whatever we’re doing or about to do. You know…”

“You didn’t need too. I would’ve understood. But thank you, Juneya. It means a lot you coming here to tell me.”

“Jinhwan wanted to come too but I told him he didn’t have to.”

“Come on you guys, it’s fine. Tell him it’s fine. No worries.”

Junhoe nods. “Thanks.” He takes a sip from his coffee and sits back his chair in relief. 

Hanbin laughs. 

“So… Bobby? You guys dating or something?”

Hanbin shrugs. “Hmmm. It’s complicated.”

“Already?”

Hanbin rolls his eyes. “We’re good. The both of us. It’s the situation that’s complicated.”

“Oh. Is it because of me? Or Jinhwan? Like they’re friends and we’re exes.”

Hanbin shakes his head. “I wish it was as simple as that.”

Junhoe leans closer. “Wanna talk about it?”

Hanbin shakes his head again. “Nah. You’re going to find out anyway and there’s nothing really to talk about. All I can tell you is that it’s complicated. But we’re good.”

“I’m not sure that really makes sense but okay…” Junhoe says confused and Hanbin laughs. “Anyway, wanna grab dinner? I can take you home after?”

Hanbin looks at his watch and remembers Bobby was working until later that night.

“Sure.” 

It’s been three weeks since the Hanbin’s first visit at Bobby’s home and he’s had 7 visits since then. The third time he went, Bobby had cleared out everything of Donghyuk’s in his room and his studio. There were pictures lying around but it was of them and their other friends. 

Hanbin loved every minute he was with Bobby but despised every second he wasn’t with him. He had this feeling of anxiousness every time. He was mostly anxious of Bobby’s thoughts towards him. What if he changed his mind about me? What if he realizes I wasn’t enough? What if he looks for something else in others because I don’t have it? What if he leaves?

The moment Bobby appears in front of him, one smile, a hug, a kiss in the forehead, erased all those thoughts away. Every time. But it came back. Every time. Those thoughts ran in his mind the moment Bobby isn’t in his sight anymore which is more often than the time they spend together since Bobby has started working again. He didn’t like to think about it thought. He didn’t like that his mind questioned Bobby and his sincerity when all Bobby did was prove himself to him. That’s why he worked. Even after finishing the book Jennie was waiting for, he worked. Even though it was time for a break, he worked. He worked as much as he could to protect Bobby from his mind.

Being in a small, closed space with Junhoe triggered those thoughts even more. He was fidgeting in the front seat looking out the window while Junhoe drove.  
“Hey, you okay?” Junhoe called out when they reach the red light. He was telling a story about a funny encounter he had with Yunhyeong while they were working but Hanbin’s thoughts somewhere far.

“Huh?” He turns to look at Junhoe. “Oh, yeah. What were you saying?”

“You’re fidgeting.” Junhoe pointed out his fingers.  
Hanbin stops playing with them and smiles a fake one.

“What is it?” Junhoe asked.

“Nothing.”

“Hanbin, we both know it’s nothing. Can you please tell me? I’m worried about you.”

Hanbin looks back up to Junhoe and sees how concerned Junhoe looked.

“You are?”

Junhoe nods. “Of course I am. Look, we were friends before anything else and we’ll stay friends despite our past. I’ll always be worried about you. Now tell me, what’s wrong?”

Hanbin looks down his hands resting on his laps feeling pathetic. 

“I’m scared.” He says softly.

Junhoe tilts his head to look him in the eye.

“Of what?”

Hanbin shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s pathetic. I don’t know if it’s normal or it’s just me. I feel so immature.”

“Hanbin, you know you have to tell me what it is so that I can help you?”

Hanbin groans of frustration. “I’m just being overly dramatic as usual. This is awkward talking to you about it but you do know I like Bobby right? Like really. And he’s been so good to me. He cares about me especially my feelings. He makes me feel like I’m the only one that matters especially when we’re together. But when we’re not, I get anxious. I have these questions in my head asking what if he realizes I’m no good for him or what if he leaves. Stuff like that. It’s crazy because I trust him but my mind can’t help but to wander every time we’re not together.”

The green light appears right in front of them and Junhoe starts driving again. He drives to the side of the road and rests the car so he can give his full attention to Hanbin.

“Bin, I think I have myself to blame for that.” Junhoe starts. He takes Hanbin’s hand in his. “No amount of sorry’s will ever make what I made you feel okay. And I wish I can take it all back. I was so stupid and immature. I know what I did wrong and every day I regret it. I hurt you. I hurt you to the core without me even realizing it until it was too late and I’m so so so sorry.” Junhoe said as sincere as he could. He felt twice as bad as Hanbin because he knew there was no one else to blame but himself. “Honestly, the first time I saw Hanbin with you, I didn’t like him. Not that I have a say in people you see but I had my opinion. He was dark, and mysterious, and he looked like trouble. He looked and seemed the total opposite of you. But hanging around I realized he wasn’t so bad. Not that I’m obsessed with him and totally rooting for him for you cause I haven’t gotten to that part yet, but the way you talk about him and the way you mentioned how he makes you feel, it makes even me think that he’s good for you. Bin, you’re going to be living with the self-doubts for a very long time and I wanna kill myself for even putting it in you. And I know it’s easy for me to say because I’m not in your shoes but Bin, trust yourself. Believe in you. Love you. You’re an amazing human being. You were an amazing partner. The bestest friend. I hope you see that, too. Look at you, you’re inside the car of the person who hurt you the most. And you’re letting him give you advice! That audacity right?”   
Hanbin laughs in between tears. Junhoe wipes them away.

“Having you in my life is the best gift i’ve ever had and I don’t even know what I did to deserve you. I was so scared of losing you after our breakup. Bin you’re a fucking angel. A saint even. You’re a blessing to every one of us. And if Bobby decides whatever it is you’re thinking of one day, I hope you know whose loss it is.”

“Funny. Bobby told me the same thing about you when we first met.”

“Which one?”

“That it was your loss for letting go of me.”  
Junhoe shrugs. “That I know. I got you back though. What a lucky motherfucker right?” Junhoe kid. “I don’t deserve you Bin. We both know that. But you’re still here with me.”

Junhoe’s words were straight on. He talked about them honestly and Hanbin couldn’t be more appreciative. But he hated himself now for another reason. He hated that he was so independent he needs other people to assure him of things. He hated himself for being weak. 

“But you know what? Bobby realized your worth the first time you met. Don’t you think that says a lot?”

Hanbin looks up to Junhoe realizing how right he was. He smiles of appreciation and Junhoe leans closer to give him an embrace. He strokes the back of his head as Hanbin rested on his shoulders.

“Bin, I won’t mind spending the rest of my life trying to make you feel better. I wanna correct all that I’ve done wrong. Let me stay in your life. I’ll be a good friend. I can even be better than Yunhyeong.”

Hanbin laughs and pulls away. “Nobody can be better than Yunhyeong. Not even you. Not even Bobby.”

Junhoe laughs. “Is that right?”

Hanbin nods. “I’m not going to ask you to leave don’t worry. Not unless Bobby asks me to. You’re lucky he isn’t the jealous type.”

“Can he be any more perfect?” Junhoe teases and they both laughed.

“Maybe he is right? And maybe you can be too. It couldn’t be with me but maybe with Jinhwan.”

Junhoe nods. “I’ll do it right this time. as a friend to you and as a… hmmm, I can’t call Jinhwan my boyfriend yet. I’ll do good to him whatever I may be in his life.”

“You’re already doing good, Goo Junhoe. Keep it up.”

“I will.” Junhoe grins.

“Also, can you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Can you not call me Bin? Cause Bobby calls me Bin and I kinda find it special and now it sounds weird that you call me Bin too because you’ve never called me Bin before.”

Junhoe laughs hard. “Will never call you what you don’t want to be called ever again.”

“Thanks.”

“Shall we proceed to dinner now?”

Hanbin nods cheerfully and Junhoe drives away from the highway.

 

After dinner, Junhoe drives Hanbin to Bobby’s place, Hanbin finds Bobby in the shower. Hanbin has been coming so often but he never walks into Jinhwan and Chanwoo because the two were always busy. Especially that the construction of Yunhyeong’s new café has started.

He rests in Bobby’s bed while he waits so that he can shower after. Bobby walks out his bedroom bath with a towel draped around his waist and Hanbin sits up immediately when he hears Bobby. He stares at Bobby’s lean physique as Bobby walked towards him.

“You like what you see?” Bobby asked with a smirk.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.” Hanbin says still in awe of Bobby’s body.

Bobby lands in front of Hanbin who was now seated at the edge of the bed and he lifts up Hanbin’s face to face him. He turns Hanbin’s head to the side when he notices a sparkly stud at the side of Hanbin’s head.

“You got your ears pierced?” Bobby asked amusedly.  
Hanbin forgot about his swelling ear and touches it gently. He smiles and nods at Bobby. “I got it this morning. You like it?”

Bobby nods. “Pretty.” He kisses Hanbin’s left ear softly. 

“Do you like it?”

Hanbin wasn’t sure why Bobby asked that but he nods.   
“Yeah.” 

“Good. Because it looks good on you.” He reaches down to Hanbin’s lips and leaves a gentle kiss. “I missed you extra today.”

“Hmmm, is it because I was with my ex?”

“You could’ve been by my side the whole day and I’d still miss you.”

“Weren’t you even a tiny bit jealous I was with Junhoe?” Hanbin asked with an slight offended tone.

Bobby crouches down to Hanbin’s level and looks him in the eye. “You’re right here in front of me. It’s me you come home to. It’s me who gets to kiss you good night. It’s me who gets to greet you good morning first. What’s there to be jealous of?”

Hanbin’s heart flutters. Bobby had this power over him that made him feel like he was a high school kid in love. He always knew what to say and when to say it and it drove him crazy.

Hanbin pulls Bobby’s face and closes the gap between their lips. He parts his lips to give entrance to Bobby’s tongue and he lets him savour him right there and then. Bobby stands up pulling Hanbin up with him and he walks backwards without breaking the kiss. 

Hanbin pulls away confused as to what Bobby was up to. “What are you doing?”

“We’re going to take a bath.” Bobby smirks.

“But you just did.”

“Bin, I could take three more showers as long as it’s with you.” He turns around pulling Hanbin right Behind him When they reach the bathroom, Bobby locks Hanbin in between his arms leaned back on the tile wall. He takes Hanbin’s lips in an instant and Hanbin chuckles in excitement. He bites Bobby’s bottom lip making Bobby groan and he laughs. He kisses him back making up for the bite and Bobby lifts him up. Hanbin immediately wraps his legs around Bobby’s waist and Bobby moves him to the bathroom counter. Hanbin rests his butt on the tiled table as he made out with Bobby. Bobby unbuttons Hanbin’s shirt one by one until he reaches the last one, takes it off completely and throws it on the bathroom floor. He grabs the side of Hanbin’s head and runs his thumb on his cheek. 

“You’re mine. Okay?”

Hanbin looks Bobby in the eye who was looking at his intensely. He nods and again, Bobby crashes his lips to Hanbin’s. 

As their kiss grows passionately, Bobby leans forward making Hanbin rest his elbows on the tile table behind him. He moves his kisses down to Hanbin’s neck while Hanbin tilted his head giving Bobby more access. Hanbin moaned at Bobby’s touch. Bobby’s kisses went lower and when he reached Hanbin’s abdomen, he stops and starts unbuckling Hanbin’s belt. Bobby continued to strip Hanbin without them two breaking eye contact. Once he’s unbuttoned Hanbin’s black trousers, he pulls them down along with Hanbin’s boxers. He strokes Hanbin’s member until it’s rock hard. He takes Hanbin in his mouth and goes down as far as he could. He moved slowly taking feeling all of Hanbin. Hanbin tilted his head back as Bobby hallowed is cheeks moaning at every stroke Bobby’s tongue did to him. 

Hanbin moans louder as he was about to come but Bobby stops and takes his long out of his mouth making Hanbin groan.

“What the heck?”

Bobby chuckles. “Not yet.” 

He lifts Hanbin up from the counter taking him into the shower. He leaves his towel on the bathroom floor releasing his hard out in the open. He joins Hanbin in the shower and he turns the water running making them both wet. They start making out again this time fast paced and craving as hell for each other. Hanbin runs kisses around Bobby’s body and kneels down in front of him when he reaches his cock. He licks the tip if Bobby’s hard teasing him before taking all of him inside his mouth. He works his way forward and back and just when they were both about to come, Bobby pulls his member away from Hanbin’s mouth. He pulls Hanbin up and turns him around not leaving even a little bit of space between Hanbin’s back and his torso. He strokes Hanbin’s member with his hand and runs his tongue in his ear and whispers. “I want you. I want to be inside you.” Hanbin tilts his head resting it on Bobby’s shoulder and moans and groans and craves and goes crazy. Bobby continued to stroke him. “Tell me you want me to. We can stop if you’re not ready. I need to know what you want.” 

There was no way Hanbin wanted to stop what Bobby was doing to him. In fact, he was ready to give it all the first night in Jeju if only his insecurities weren’t in the way. Bobby has been so gentle with Hanbin. He respected him and didn’t try anything Hanbin would be uncomfortable with. This was the first time they went this far an if Hanbin wasn’t going to give him permission to enter him, he wouldn’t. 

“I’ve wanted you since the first time we met. I want you. Now. Please.” Hanbin begged.

Bobby grins. “With pleasure.” He reaches for Hanbin lips kissing it hard. He licks Hanbin’s unpierced ear and biting it gently before he pushed his upper body down to give him more access of his back. He rubs his hard covered with both his wetness and the water running and he slowly enters Hanbin from behind. Hanbin moans loudly and Bobby groans at Hanbin’s tightness. Once he’s in fully, he pulls out again and enters him again. He ups his pace when Hanbin relaxes at his largeness and he thrusts faster. Hanbin holds on to the glass door while Bobby had both his hands in Hanbin’s waist assisting him as he worked him in and out. 

“Ahhhh, Bin. You feel so good.” Bobby says as he panted.

“Bub, I’m coming.” Hanbin responded in a rush fist clenched.

Bobby quickens his pace filling Hanbin in to the core and pulls out the moment he was coming. He pulls out from Hanbin he perfect time he comes and Hanbin comes following him right after. He releases his fluid on Hanbin’s bare back while water run through their bodies. Hanbin’s whole body shivers as he releases. Bobby pulls Hanbin up to face him and kiss him this time, gently. He kisses Hanbin with all of him and Hanbin took Bobby and gave exactly what he was getting. Hanbin pushed Bobby backwards until his back rested at the cold tile wall behind him and continued to shower his feelings towards him through his kisses. 

 

“What did Junhoe talk to you about?” Bobby asked. He was resting his head in Hanbin’s chest while Hanbin stroked his hair gently as they lie in bed. 

“Jinhwan.” Hanbin responded. 

“Really? They’re getting serious?” 

Hanbin nods. “He says he likes him and he feels like Jinhwan feels the same.” 

“I think so too. Jinani’s either on the phone with him or talking to us about him when he’s home. He’s never spent so much time on a guy like that.” 

“I think they’re a perfect pair.” 

Bobby nods. “You okay about it, though?” 

“No. I’m hurt.” 

Bobby looks up and glares at Hanbin and Hanbin laughs.   
“Of course I am what type of question was that?” He exclaims. 

“Just asking. You did love the guy.” 

“Key word is did.” 

Bobby looks up and reaches for Hanbin’s lips leaving a soft kiss before going back to position. 

“I’m sleepy.” Bobby says and wraps his arms around Hanbin.

Hanbin lowers himself to make Bobby more comfortable. 

Once Hanbin was sure Bobby was asleep, he takes his arms under Bobby’s head slowly and he watches him sleep for a while. He runs his finger on Bobby’s eyebrow stroking it gently.

Hanbin’s feelings towards Bobby has never felt deeper that night. Crazy how only a few months of knowing a person, he developed feelings that took him 2 years to feel towards Junhoe. 

Hanbin met Junhoe his first year in the university. Junhoe was a freshman but he went to a different university. His university offered very limited slots on minor subjects and Junhoe always enrolled late so the social studies class was full. He didn’t want to wait for another semester to take another subject so he decided to cross enrol in a different university and that was of Hanbin’s. 

Junhoe didn’t attend classes until the second week. He walked in while classes were already starting and sat at the very end of the room. Jennie, who was seated beside Hanbin, noticed him come in from the back.   
“Hanbin ah, cutie alert at the back.” She whispered.  
Hanbin was busy listening and taking notes so Jennie was ignored. She pulled Hanbin’s arm taking his attention and she points at the back.

Hanbin looks back to see Junhoe already looking at him. Junhoe had this smug look on him so it was instantly a turn off for Hanbin. He hated guys who thought they could get away with everything because of their looks and that’s exactly what Junhoe looked like to him.   
“Not my type.” He says returning back to where he left.   
“Is anyone ever your type?” Jennie reacted bitterly.  
The next meeting, Junhoe went to class early. It was so early he was the second person in the classroom. He sat where Jennie was seating the previous time and rested his head on his arms on top of the desk until he fell asleep.

“Excuse me, you’re in my seat.” Jennie said while he woke up Junhoe.

Junhoe wakes up in a jiff and looks up to Hanbin and Jennie staring at him. “What was that?” He asked.

“You’re in my seat.” Jennie says again.

Junhoe scans the chair he was sitting in and looks back at Jennie. “It doesn’t have a name though?” He says.

“Uh, yeah, but I’ve been sitting there since the first day of class so…” Jennie explains as she tried to keep her calm.

“So?” Junhoe raised his brow. “Look, there are plenty of available seats. Take it. I’m not moving.”

“Asshole.” Hanbin calls out and drags Jennie to the row behind Junhoe. They take their seats and Junhoe laughs in his.

After class, Junhoe reached out to Jennie apologizing for what he did earlier. He explained that he was just kidding and trying to take things lightly and that he didn’t realize he was being a jerk. Jennie made peace with Junhoe because Junhoe offered to treat them lunch. Hanbin hated his guts though. He ditched them during lunch and went to the library to study for his next class.

Every day after that, Junhoe had been trying to reach out to Hanbin but Hanbin ignored him. It took a month for Hanbin to finally join Junhoe and Jennie for lunch and since then they’ve been eating lunch together.  
Junhoe was in campus for only a few hours twice a week but after a while, they started meeting up outside of school and on weekends. The three of them became friends slowly and their relationship grew deeper as time passed. Hanbin got to know Junhoe better and until the time his first impression of him was gone, he realized how decent of a man Junhoe was. He looked arrogant, mostly misunderstood, but deep inside he was a kind, smart, funny guy who cared not only about his friends but also the people around him.

Junhoe has it hard when it comes to showing feelings and emotions that’s why with Hanbin, he often showed them through jokes. It took him two years to finally say his feelings out loud to Hanbin and only then Hanbin realized he had fallen for Junhoe too. 

Hanbin was a person with so much scars inside and out and Junhoe helped healed those scars. Hurting Hanbin towards the end of their relationship wasn’t an intention. He really did love Hanbin, as a friend and as a lover. It took him a while to realize he could’ve handled the situation differently after realizing he didn’t see a future with Hanbin anymore. But just like normal, he threw words he didn’t know could hurt and he did actions he didn’t know could scar. 

As Hanbin watched Bobby sleep, his mind starts wandering again. 

“What if you turn out to be the total opposite of who you are now? What if you turn out to be exactly like Junhoe? What if all the what if’s I have until now comes out to have answers I’m scared of hearing?”

He rests his hand in his chest feeling his heart. He was nervous. 

“You know what Kim Jiwon? Fuck all the what if’s. Fuck them because no matter how many they are and how long they wander in my mind, my feelings towards you remain and they only get deeper as time goes.”

“I love you.”


	8. can things change?

“I love you.” 

“What are you doing?” Bobby asks eyes closed. He stops Donghyuk from running his finger on his brow and kisses his hand. 

Donghyuk gets startled and giggles. 

“I thought you were asleep.” Donghyuk said.

Bobby moves closer taking Donghyuk in and wrapping his arm around him. Donghyuk squeezes the closest he can to Bobby and rests in his chest. Bobby kisses the top of his head.

“Aren’t you sleepy?” Bobby asks groggily as he was half asleep.

Donghyuk shakes his head. “I can’t sleep.”

“Why?” 

“Just… too happy.”

Bobby smiles. “You are?”

Donghyuk nods. “I can’t believe you’re here with me.”

“Why not?”

“I thought you’d always just be a dream to me.”

Bobby pulls away and looks at Donghyuk’s face to see if he was kidding but he wasn’t. He strokes the back of his finger on Donghyuk’s cheek. “If I’ve known you felt the same as me I would’ve never wasted time not being with you.”

Donghyuk smiles. “We have forever to go. No worries.”

-

Bobby kisses the tip of his nose and wraps him back in his arms. He rests his head on top of Donghyuk’s head until they both fall asleep. 

“So? What do you think?”

Bobby falls back to reality realizing Chanwoo asked him a question. He was seated on their dining table alongside with Jinhwan who was waiting for Chanwoo to serve them food.

“What’s up with you this morning? Did you and Hanbin fight?” Jinhwan asked.

“Hanbin seemed to be in a good mood when he left earlier though?” Chanwoo informed Jinhwan.

They both stare at Bobby judgingly waiting for him to explain.

Bobby looks up the ceiling resting his head on the back of the chair. Chanwoo and Jinhwan look at each other this time worriedly. This was the first time they’re seeing Bobby bothered for months now. Bobby looks back down to see Jinhwan and Chanwoo looking at him anxiously. 

“He told me he loved me last night.” Bobby says and sighs.

The boys’ face light up after hearing the news.

“Then what’s the problem?” Chanwoo asked. He serves the pancakes he just finished cooking and take a seat across Jinhwan.

“Don’t you feel the same?” Jinhwan asks.

“I do. God, I’ve felt it for a while now.”

“Did you say it back?”

Bobby shakes his head. “He thought I was asleep.”

“Oh. That’s… sweet? Is it?” Chanwoo asked innocently. Jinhwan shakes his head at Chanwoo and Chanwoo shrugs. “That’s what I see in movies.”

“If you feel the same way, then what’s wrong?” Jinhwan asked seriously.

Bobby starts frowning and starts looking like he was about to cry. “I’m starting to think I’m falling for the past instead of who he really is.”

“We’re here. You can talk to us.”

“The more I get to know him, the more I see Donghyuk in him.” He moves to face Jinhwan and tears were already streaming down his face. “Nani, I’m scared. What if I was right? What if we all were? What if I only love him because of Donghyuk? Nani, I don’t want to hurt him. He doesn’t deserve me. He doesn’t deserve this.”

Bobby leans close to Jinhwan and cries in his shoulder. Jinhwan rubs his back and looks at Chanwoo not knowing what to say. 

“Hey, want to tell us what it is you see in him that Donghyukie had? Maybe you’re just overthinking things? Fright it taking over your emotions so you’re starting to think those.” Chanwoo tries to solve the problem.

Bobby moves back to his chair and listens to Chanwoo. “I tried ignoring them. I did. I knew it could just be a coincidence or I thought maybe they just like and dislike the same things. Food, music, style, movies. The little things. But last night, when he thought I was asleep, he was stroking my brow and then he told me he loved me before he went to sleep. That was Donghyuk’s thing. He did that to me. He did it to me the first time we spent the night together and he did it to me until the very last time.”

Jinhwan has already started crying with Bobby. He hated that Bobby was hurting but he hated the fact that he couldn’t do or say anything about it. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have the words for it. 

In all honesty, he and Chanwoo hope everything with Bobby and Hanbin would turn out okay. They hoped their worries were wrong. They hoped the next time they saw Bobby cry was because he was happy. And just as they thought everything was turning out okay. Just as they thought nothing could go wrong anymore, their worries seemed to have taken a toll. 

Jinhwan starts feeling worse than he already did. Was it wrong that they encouraged Bobby with Hanbin? Were they stupid to think it would work out? Were they bad friends for not giving Bobby time to think it through before diving straight in? 

Chanwoo pushes his chair closer to the table and reached for Bobby’s hand. “Hey, you’ve slept beside Hanbin how many times? A lot right? And last night was the first time he did it? Bob, maybe you’re right? You’re just overthinking things. It could be because you’re not totally over Donghyuk or it could be because he still wanders in your memory every now and then. I believe you. I believe your feelings for him are sincere and I believe you love him because he’s Hanbin. I can see it. I’ve seen you with Dong. It’s different. You’re different. He’s different.” 

As expected, Chanwoo would be positive about the situation. But for the first time in their 26 years of friendship, Jinhwan didn’t agree with Chanwoo’s positivity. Bobby was fragile. He felt vulnerable and feeding false hopes could only harm Bobby more at this point. Chanwoo wasn’t a hundred percent sure he believed what he just told Bobby but it was what he wanted to believe. And at the time he said those words, he prayed that he would be right. Just like Jinhwan, he wanted to protect Bobby and being quiet about the situation wouldn’t do that at all. He said what he had to say and just like always, hoped for the best.  
Bobby forces himself to stop crying. He gives Chanwoo an appreciative smile and Chanwoo gives him a reassuring smile back. He pulls Jinhwan to him and hugs him tight. 

“I’m sorry I’ve done nothing but worry you these past few years. Must be hard to have a friend like me huh?”  
“I didn’t think you noticed.” Jinhwan teased trying to light up the atmosphere. 

They laugh and move on. Hearts still heavy but knowing they were in it together made it bearable. 

-

“Hey! What are you doing here?” Yunhyeong greets Hanbin happily as soon as he sees him. 

Hanbin shrugs. “I needed a break from all the writing so I decided to visit. It’s looking good, Yun. I’m so happy for you.” 

“I know right? I have the best team!” 

“Speaking of team, I’ll go say hello.” Hanbin says and leaves the flowers and snacks he bought on the table where Yunhyeong was busy doing paper works.   
Junhoe and Jinhwan were busy going through the blueprints while Chanwoo was busy talking to the contractors. 

“Hey guys. Coffee?” He offered. 

“Hey!! What are you doing here?” Junhoe was totally pleased to see Hanbin. He takes the cups of coffee from Hanbin’s hand and hands one to Jinhwan. 

“Thanks.” Jinhwan says unable to look into Hanbin’s eyes. “I gotta go talk to the contractor.” He adds and excuses himself. 

“Is he okay?” Hanbin asks. 

Junhoe shrugs. “He’s been out of it since this morning. Kinda worried about him. You know something?”

Hanbin shakes his head. “Sorry.”

Junhoe rubs the top of his head and messes up his hair. “Nothing to be sorry about Hanbin ah.” He reminds him. “So, everything good? You look like you’re in a good mood.”

“I am actually thanks for noticing. The place already looks great by the way. Good job.”

“It will be better once it’s finished. I’m in a great team.” Junhoe says cockily. 

“So I heard.” Hanbin smirks. 

“Are you staying for dinner? We’re going to order in for everyone.”

“No, no. I gotta go back to writing. I just really came to say hi.”

Junhoe nods and Hanbin leaves after a quick hug. He walks back to Yunhyeong was to talk for a little more while before heading back home. 

“Hanbin ah, I don’t know what these flowers are for? This shop is still a mess where am I even going to put it?”

“You complain a lot you couldve just said thank you. Here let me fix it.” He picks up the flowers and sets them on the table before arranging them. 

Jinhwan comes near them to bid them goodbye for he wasn’t feeling well and leaves right after. 

“He doesn’t look too good. You guys are maybe overworking yourselves.” Hanbin states. 

“Yeah. He didn’t look too good when he came in this morning. Chanwoo too. I feel bad for making them work too much.”

“You’re a good boss, Yun.”

“Am I?”

Hanbin scrunches his nose but nods and Yunhyeong laughs. 

“So? Updates on your love life?” Yungyeong changed the topic. 

Hanbin presses his lips into a thin line stopping a smile from escaping his mouth. 

“Ew, Hanbin ah I never should’ve asked!!” Yunhyeong already knew from Hanbin’s face and he slaps him by the arm. 

“Ow! Ya I didn’t say anything. You assumed!”

“Oh, shut up. I know you!” Yunhyeong exclaims. “Well, he seems to be a good influence on you.”

“What do do you mean?”

“Hmmm, you’re starting to dress up niceley.” Yungyeong laughs. “You look good, Hanbinnie. You’re always laughing. You’re smiley. You’re dancing dor god’s sake! I don’t know. You’re just alive. I like it. Keep it up, okay?”

Hanbin smiles geniunely feeling like he’s succeeded.

“I love this Hanbin. Just, don’t lose the old one too. I loved him too. It’d be weird without having him in my life.”

“What are you talking about? It’s still me. With just better taste I guess?”

Yunhyeong laughs. “That I agree! I mean, you don’t wear sandals and loafers anymore! I despised those choice of shoe wear of yours.” He confessed. 

“They’re comfy!”

“Comfy doesn’t always mean it looks good.”

Hanbin rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

They both laughed as Hanbin continued to arrange the flowers. After he was done, he places it on top of the still-plastic-covered counters. He waves goodbye to Junhoe and Chanwoo again who was on the other side of the room. 

“Break time’s over. I gotta go back home and start squeezing out all my brain cells again.”

“Dinner sometime okay? I’ll call you i’ll make reservations.”

Hanbin nods and leaves. 

-

“You’re home early.” Bobby walks in on Jinhwan at their living area seated at the lazy boy facing the huge glass window overlooking the city. He places his car keys on the center table and his bag down on the carpeted floor. He leaves the living area to get a bottle of beer from the fridge and turns the other lazy boy around beside Jinhwan to face the city lights.

“I wasn’t much help at the site today so Chanwoo told me to go.” Jinhwan states and takes a sip from his bottle of beer. “You’re home early too?”

“Too pre-occupied to work.”

Jinhwan nods. Chanwoo kicked him out at their workplace because of the same reason. Their conversation in the morning hasn’t been the best for the both of them. He felt bad and he could imagine how Bobby would feel. Jinhwan hasn’t talked to Chanwoo about what he felt with what he said because he thought maybe it was the right thing to do though he didn’t agree. He thought that maybe he was just overthinking the situation just like Bobby. 

“Is Hanbin coming over? He dropped by the warehouse earlier.” He asks.

Bobby shakes his head. “I don’t really know how to face him right now. I feel so guilty. I know what Chanwoo said could be true but I’m scared I spend one more day with him and find another trait of Dong’s and I just can’t. I wouldn’t be able to.”

“Did you ever consider talking to him about it?”

“It would break him.”

“Staying away would too.”

Bobby looks at Jinhwan and agrees. “I just don’t know what to say, how to say it.” He says helplessly.

“Be honest. I think that’s the fair thing to do right now.”

“You think?” 

Jinhwan nods.

They grow quiet for a while staring at the cars passing by through the hi-way. 

Bobby clears his throat. “Today was the first time I saw you disagree with Chanwoo.”

Jinhwan looks at him guiltily but Bobby smiles. He takes Jinhwan’s hand in his and grips it.

“You’ve been a good mom to me, Jinani.” He jokes. “I’m sorry for being so insensitive to you the past few years. I forgot how much you worried. You worry a lot about other people and I know that’s supposed to be a good thing but please worry about yourself too. I’m grateful for you. Very. You pick me up before I even fall. You have answers for me before I even ask. And seeing you today unable to give me the answer I needed, it was kinda refreshing for me but I know it was hard for you. I’m sorry, Jinani. I’m sorry for always worrying you. I honestly wouldn’t know what to do without you and Chanwoo.”

“Ya! What the heck! Why is the atmosphere suddenly like this?” He laughs as he wiped away his tears.  
Jinhwan stood as a mom, a dad, and an older brother to Bobby. Bobby had no family when they first met him. He was a troubled kid with a troubled past making trouble everywhere he went. He wasn’t a fan of school. He was this hip-hop kid always roaming around campus while classes were going on with pants hanging on his waist. He’d spend hours on the corridor with his headphones blasting and writing lyrics. He had no friends, he had no family, he had no one but himself and the anger and hate towards how unfair the world was within him. In high school, Bobby got transferred to a private school. The orphanage sponsoring him got sick of him running away from school so they tried getting him into a school where he couldn’t go out of campus easily. He was in the middle of a fist fight with Chanwoo when he met Donghyuk. Donghyuk tried to stop his friend and the new kid before they got into more trouble with school. And that was the start of their beautiful friendship. Bobby was an additional member to Chanwoo, Jinhwan, and Donghyuk’s crew. It took a while before he and Chanwoo got along but after they did, they were inseparable. They supported Bobby when he first got into music and encouraged him to go hard on his dreams until he made it. The three became Bobby’s family and ever since then, they were all he had. And now, Hanbin.

Bobby wasn’t given a chance to say goodbye to his first love and his best friend. And after a long time, after believing he wasn’t going to move past it, after thinking he’ll never love again, he loves again and the best part was that he was loved in return. With Hanbin, despite all the crazy, he wanted it to last long. But now that reality was slowly creeping in, he thought that maybe he asked for too much. He loves Hanbin. He was in love with him. He was sure of it. But how was it possible to fall in love because of a totally unfair reason and hate that reason after realizing it was the reason? How was it possible to fall in love with Hanbin because of Donghyuk but hate the reason that he was only in love with Hanbin because of Donghyuk? It didn’t make sense. 

After his talk with Jinhwan, he decided to drive to Hanbin’s place. He enters Hanbin’s apartment casually and calls out for him after stepping in. the living area and the kitchen were empty. He goes straight to the room and hears the shower running. 

“Bin?” Bobby calls out. 

“Bub? Is that you?” Hanbin shouts out. 

“Yeah.” He stands by the bathroom door to inform Hanbin of his presence. 

“I’ll be out in a bit.” Hanbin says hurriedly. He wasn’t expecting a visit from Bobby.

“It’s okay. Take your time.” Bobby assures him and walks away from the door. He scans the room and sees Hanbin’s laptop open by his desk. He walks towards it to see what he was working on. Books and pieces of papers were stacked on the side. 

At one of the open tabs, he notices his SNS profile open. He smiles at the fact that Hanbin was stalking him even though he knew he wasn’t active on social media. He sits down on the chair and opens the tab to see what he was looking at in his profile and a photo of him and Donghyuk during their ski trip in Japan flash on the screen. He closes his eyes in frustration and he rubs his forehead with his fingers.

“Bin, why are you doing this? What are you up to?”  
He moves his eyes to the desk and notices a notebook opened by the mouse. It was sort of a check list or notes in bullet form. He knows he shouldn’t be going through Hanbin’s stuff but he needed his mind on something else so he checks the list. It could’ve just been a grocery list for all he knows.

• Pepperoni pizza with extra mozzarella cheese  
• Favourite Mexican restaurant – Cuchara  
• Likes beer more than soju  
• Etc… 

There was a long list of Bobby’s favorites on the paper and Bobby, again, smiles at the fact that Hanbin was taking notes of everything he loved.

He flips the page and finds a different list

• Loves children  
• Listens to hiphop   
• Did dance lessons  
• Loves surprises  
• Brought Bobby food to studio regularly  
• Favorite movie – forrest gump  
• Sneakers, hoodies, oversides tees, earrings, rings, necklaces  
• Hates bugs  
• Etc… 

A long list of familiar facts. A long list of everything Donghyuk loved and hated. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Why did Hanbin needed this information? What was Hanbin doing writing about Donghyuk? 

He turns the page to the next one but it was blank. He flips through the pages until the next page with words written on it and at the very last page, he sees the lyrics of his unreleased songs written.

“When the rain drops, I hope you fade away with it, but it would be better if you could be here next to me…”

“The way you whisper I love you and run your fingers on my brows, oh baby I melt…”

“The prettiest curve on you is the smile on your lips…”  
“My hope to become somebody’s last love is as much as my hope to have you by my side…”

And under the number of lines written, there was a note. It was a note to Hanbin to himself.

“You will never be his first love but you can try.”  
And then it hit him. He was beginning to see Donghyuk in Hanbin because Hanbin was trying to be him. But the question was why?

“Bub?” Hanbin calls out for the second time. His heart was racing. He knew what he left on his desk before he went to the bathroom and there was no way Bobby hasn’t seen it.

Bobby turns around and Hanbin sees him with a face he’s never seen him before. He looked defeated. He looked like he failed. 

Hanbin was already crying. Bobby rests his elbows in his knees and rubs his face with his hands. He sits there looking helpless unable to look at Hanbin.

Hanbin walks closer slowly and when he reaches Bobby, he squats down to meet him eye to eye. 

Bobby looks up and now that Hanbin was in front of him crying, he cries too. “Is it my fault?” He asked.

Hanbin shakes his head promptly. “No, bub.”

“Did I ever make you feel like I needed more from you?” He asks again.

Hanbin grabs his face with his hands. “No! God, no!”  
Bobby closes his eyes shut and more tears run down his face. He pulls away from Hanbin’s touch and stands up. He paces the room with his hands resting on his hips trying to wrap his head around everything that was happening. And then slowly, anger was setting in.

He turns back around to face Hanbin who was now seated at the computer chair

“Do you know why I came here, Bin?” Bobby starts trying to control his anger but the situation was making it impossible. “I came here because when I woke up this morning, I was crying. I was crying because I was scared I was in love with you for all the wrong reasons. I was scared because what if what we were so afraid about was true. I was scared of hurting you, Bin. I was scared of losing you. I came here to talk to you about how I was starting to see Donghyuk in you and it frightened me.” Hanbin felt so guilty but he couldn’t say a word instead he just cried. “I was wondering if I was in love with you because of Donghyuk, why’d I hate it so much? I wondered why I couldn’t stand the fact of hurting you. I was wondering why I was so afraid to face this truth. And you know why? Because I wasn’t in love with you cause of anyone else but you. I love you, Bin. I’m crazy in love with you!”

Hanbin gets up from the chair and runs to Bobby. He hugs him tight but Bobby doesn’t nudge. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was scared. I was so scared I’d lose you. I was just trying to be good enough for you. I’m sorry.”

Bobby pulls away and takes Hanbin’s face in his hands. “You are good enough for me. Don’t you trust me?” He asks weakly.

“I do!”

“Bin, it was you before I even knew who was inside you. It was you all this time. I wasn’t asking for anyone else but you. I wasn’t looking for anyone else but you. I want you. The you I met when I knocked on that door in Jeju. You drew me in the moment you opened that door. And even further when you thought I was a serial killer. And even further the first time we kissed. Bin, I love you. Do you know that? Can’t you feel that I do?” 

“I do.” Hanbin cried.

“Do you love you?” 

Hanbin doesn’t respond. 

“Because Bin, I can’t love you if you can’t love you. Maybe it’s yourself you need to trust. Please love yourself enough to trust. Love yourself enough to believe that you are enough because YOU are enough. I love you so much, Bin. I hope you can love yourself too.”

How many people needed to tell Hanbin this? Junhoe, Yunhyeong, Bobby. How many more ‘til he believes those words. Loving Bobby was so easy because he was everything anyone could ever wish for. But loving himself, what was so good about himself? He couldn’t even get his first love to stay with him and not look for anyone else what more the perfect man in front of him who had not one bad bone on his body? Everyone was too good for him and he will try to be as good enough for them as he could. But at what cost? He was about to lose the one person who believed in him. He was about to lose the one person who loved him for him.

“Am I really enough?”

“I have to go.” Bobby says and just like that, he let him go. 

\- 

Hanbin hasn’t moved an inch from his bed ever since Bobby left three hours ago. He gets up to get the door and see who was there in the middle of the night though he knows whoever it was probably wasn’t there anymore because the doorbell rang 10 minutes ago.   
He opens the door to see Bobby seated at the floor face hidden in his arms crossed resting in his knees. Bobby looks up but doesn’t stand instead, Hanbin sits down on the floor with him. 

“Why’d you come back?” Hanbin asked.

“I never left.” Bobby answered.

They grow quiet for a few minutes before Bobby finds the courage to say the words he thought he’d never say to Hanbin.

“I think we need a break.” Bobby says.

Hanbin nods in agreement. 

“I’m not leaving you, Bin. And I’m not giving up on you. This is something you need to figure out yourself.”

Hanbin nods again. 

“You can call me whenever. You can come to me whenever.”

“That’s not how a break works.” Hanbin jokes and they both laugh subtly. 

“I don’t know how I’m going to go through the next days without you.” Bobby says truthfully.

“Think of me. I’ll be thinking of you.” Hanbin says and smiles. Bobby too.

Bobby lifts his chin up and looks him in the eye. “I love you so damn much, Kim Hanbin. I’ll be waiting for you. Okay?”

Tears were forming in Hanbin’s eyes. He closes his eyes and nods once again. Bobby pulls him closer and wraps him in a tight embrace. He kisses the side of his head and then he pulls away to kiss him in the lips. He leaves him a good one for it will be a while until the next one and then he gets up and walks away for he was already finding it hard to leave.


	9. hello, again

Day 13

I really don’t write aside from lyrics. Especially journals or diaries or whatever this is. But I have no one to talk to. You’re not here. Jinhwan and Chanwoo is sleep when I come home from work and has already left when I wake up. Everyone at the company is busy. That’s pretty much the people I have.

I thought i’d feel better as days go. The first day was bad so I told myself it’s bad because it’s just the first day and that I will probably feel better after a week. Today marks the 13th day of me waking up not next to you and I feel worse. 

I miss you, Bin. I miss you so damn much it’s consuming me. I can’t eat. I can’t concentrate at work. It’s like I can’t function without you. I’m going crazier each day I don’t know how you’re doing or if you’ve eaten or if you miss me too. I want to see you so bad. I can’t wait for you to come back to me. 

\- Bub

-

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Yunhyeong asked before he steps out of Hanbin’s apartment. 

He’s been bringing Hanbin food the past few days and has been coming by just to make sure his friends was still breathing. 

“Yes! I was okay when you asked me earlier and I’m okay now. Stop worrying about me and stop coming over. I know you’re busy. I’m fine!” Hanbin says in defense. 

Though he hasn’t said anything to Yunhyeong about what happened between him and Bobby, Yunhyeong knew there was something going on because Bobby has been asking him about Hanbin. 

“You haven’t left the apartment in two weeks. You haven’t showered in days. The food I left you from last week is still sitting in your fridge untouched. Your house is a mess. You look like a mess. How do you expect me to believe you when you say you’re okay?” He asked worriedly. 

Hanbin felt guilty. It was the first time he didn’t come to Yunhyeong about his problem. But how could he? He was embarrassed. He was ashamed. Even he can’t believe he did that. It was on another level of petty and he never imagined himself to go that low but he did. 

“I’ll go out today. I have a meeting.” He lied. “I’m going to shower and I’m going to eat. I’m fine. I promise.” Again, lie.

Yunhyeong takes his hand. “You can tell me anything. You know that right?”

Hanbin nods. 

“Eat. Okay?” 

Hanbin nods again.

“And please, shower. You reek. And I mean it. You really reek.”

Hanbin lets out a laugh. “I will. Go! You have work to do!”

Yunhyeong nods and leaves. After Hanbin closes the door, he walks back to his room and lies on the bed to go back to sleep. Sleep. That’s all he’s been doing the past week. He’s slept more than a normal person should but he still felt tired. It was good for him though. He didn’t have to think, he didn’t have to remember what happened, and he didn’t have to miss Bobby because every time he was awake, he battling himself from calling Bobby. He knew he deserved what he got and he wasn’t sure it was true that Bobby would be waiting for him. At this point in time, he’s realized how good Bobby was for him. He knew he deserved better than a weak, unstable, insecure partner. 

Before he made himself feel small than he already did, he closed his eyes, pushed away all the thoughts and went back to sleep. He slept through the whole day. 16 hours to be exact. He woke up a little past 11 in the evening. He got up, head spinning and drops down back the bed. He turns his head sideways and a foul smell went through his nose. He raises his arms to find out it was him he was smelling. 

He gets up again slowly and finally decides to take a bath. The tub looked tempting but if he went for the shower. He didn’t want to sit there a long time and start thinking about Bobby. He turns on the warm water and he starts to clean himself. Soaping twice wasn’t going to be enough so he does it again after the second time. He washed into his hair thoroughly rubbing his fingertips onto his scalp. He wasn’t sure when he was going to take a shower next so might as well clean up as much.   
After stepping out of the bathroom, he turns on the lights to his room. The first time in days. Sheets were on the floor, clothes were scattered everywhere. His computer was where Bobby left it when they talked. His notebooks were still flipped on the page Bobby last read. Ramen cups he ate from days before were by his bed. His room was a dirt away from being filthy. And if your asked Yunhyeong, it would already be. 

After changing into sweatpants and a plain white shirt, he decides to clean his room. He walks out of the room to get a garbage bag from the kitchen and walks out into a clean house. Yunhyeong must’ve came over after work to clean after seeing his living situation in the morning. He was so deep into his sleep he didn’t even notice someone come in. the dishes he left on the sink has been washed, the pantry was filled with a new batch of ramen noodles, his favorite snacks including two tubs of sour gummy worms and sour cream pringles. 

He smiles of appreciation. “Song Yunhyeong, really. What am I going to do without you?” 

He turns to the fridge and sees a note sticking on the door. He comes closer to read and his heart races. It wasn’t Yunhyeong’s handwriting. It was Bobby’s. 

“Gummy worms and pringles in the pantry and take out from Wang Thai in the fridge. Please eat –B”

Wang Thai was a restaurant in Itaewon they discovered while driving around. They went to try it and has been a favorite ever since. 

He opens the fridge and realizes the food Yunhyeong has been bringing him has been thrown out too. There were new batches of eggs, two new jars of kimchi, milk, soda, and even beer. How long was Bobby in the house to have done all that? 

He takes out four containers from Wang Thai and opens them one by one. Pad Thai, spicy shrimp soup, curry fried rice and stir-fried pork with basil and spring rolls along with it. He takes a spring roll and shoves in into his mouth and only then he felt hungry. He heats up the rest of the food in the microwave and sets a table for one. 

He enjoys the first decent meal he’s had in over a week and eats in peace. He washes the dishes right after and takes a garbage bag from the kitchen drawers for the trash in his room. He starts with the ramen cups on the floor and he walks towards his work table. He takes the notebook Bobby had read and divides it into two. He rips it again and shoves it inside the garbage bag. He wipes the table clean and he moves to his bed. He removes the sheets and the pillow covers. Unsure if he was to throw them out because it would’ve smelled worse than he did or it was still possible to clean. He grabs his phone to ask Yunhyeong and Yunhyeong told him to throw them out and he’ll buy him new ones and so he takes another garbage bag and wraps his bed covers in it. 

After almost two hours of wiping every corner of his room clean and changing sheets and pillow cases, he rests on the huge bean bag sitting on his carpeted floor.   
“You prove me wrong every time I doubt myself.” He says in silence. 

Just before he slept, he was thinking of how unworthy he was of Bobby and here goes Bobby showing him how true he was to his words. Bobby looked at Hanbin like he was the most precious thing in the world. He just hoped Hanbin would look at him the same. 

He falls asleep on the bean bag for a few hours and wakes up at dawn panting. He tries hard to remember his dream and Donghyuk comes to mind immediately.  
Seated at one of the swings, he was watching kids run around the playground happily. 

“To be a kid again.” Donghyuk sighs. He was seated at the swing beside him. He was watching the kids with the biggest smile on his face. 

Hanbin looks around and realizes they were at Donghyuk’s work place. He turns to look at Donghyuk and he looks at him back with the sweetest smile.  
He gives him a faint smile and brings back his attention to the kids. 

“I never had a chance to play like them when I was a kid.” Hanbin said. Donghyuk stopped swaying from his seat and focused on Hanbin. “My father was an alcoholic and every time he got drunk, he’d beat my mom up because she was the only one there. She was the only one he saw. And so after school, I always rushed home so it could be me he beat up. Not my mom.” 

“I’m sorry. I-“ Donghyuk felt like he was too insensitive but Hanbin just chuckles.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault.” He assures Donghyuk. “My mom… she was strong. She didn’t show weakness even when she was getting the beating. She assured me it was going to be okay and that she was there for me even though we both know it wasn’t going to be okay. What she didn’t know was that at times where my father beat me up instead of her and while she took care of my wounds while I pretended to be asleep, I’d hear her cry. She cried and she apologized. There were nights she apologized for being poor and that she couldn’t afford to move houses. There were nights she apologized for not being a good enough mom. There were times she apologized for my father. She apologized even though there was nothing to apologize for. And there were nights when she just cried. She cried while she cared for my wounds and until she lied beside me to sleep, she was still crying.”

Hanbin looks at Donghyuk and Donghyuk rushes to wipe away the tears running down his face.

“I could only wish to be half as strong as my mom. I’m weak. I’m dependent. I’m insecure. I’m all the things she’s not. I’m so much like my father. He was drinking all the time because he was weak and alcohol made him feel strong and superior. He always thought he wasn’t good enough for my mother and so he beat us up so that we’d feel threatened on leaving him. He was right though, he wasn’t good enough for my mother. He was a pussy. He had no balls. My mother had bigger balls than he did.” He laughed. “Of all the things I could’ve gotten from my father, it had to be the things I hated about him the most. Maybe that’s why I hate myself so much? Because I remind myself so much of my father. What do you think?”

Donghyuk reaches out for Hanbin’s hand he rests them at his lap. “To be able to get all through that, to be able to casually talk about it now… it takes a lot of courage. And you didn’t even need alcohol to do it.” They both laugh. “You’re not your father. You’re better than him. A hundred times over.”

Hanbin grips Donghyuk’s hand of appreciation and smiles. “Thank you.”

“Teacher Dong! Teacher Dong!” A few kids were excitedly running towards the adults direction. 

“Uncle Bobby’s here!” A different set of kids were dragging Bobby from the parking lot to the playground.   
Bobby was smiling widely at the kids holding tightly to him. One was hanging on his back feet dangling in the air. He looks at where Donghyuk was and notice Hanbin. Hanbin was looking back at him weirdly and the smile on Bobby’s face started to fade.

Hanbin then woke up right after he met Bobby’s eyes. He ran his fingers on his face and notice that he had been crying. He wasn’t crying in his dream but he was crying in real life. 

He’s never talked about his childhood. Not to Yunhyeong, not to Junhoe nor to Jennie. Not to anyone he’s ever met. And not even to Bobby. He’d answer questions but they were always vague.Talking about it so casually with Donghyuk in his dream was so weird yet it felt so real. He was heart hurt but it also felt like a huge weight was lifted off him. It hurt in a way where a huge rock was above him but even after taking it away, there were wounds and bruises on him. He felt exposed yet he felt relieved. It was a dream but if felt so real.   
Hanbin despised his father. He was the reason he didn’t have a normal childhood. He was the reason kids in school bullied him. He was the reason they were poor. He was the reason his mother killed herself. After his mother’s passing, he tried his best to live a normal life. He tried to leave everything behind him and never once looked back. What he wasn’t aware of was that he was carrying a baggage filled with hate towards his father.   
Hanbin gets up and rushes to the bathroom. He takes another shower and he changes into clothes much more formal than the ones he’s been wearing the past days. He gets out of the apartment and drives all the way to where Donghyuk’s remains rested. 

Hanbin used to visit Donghyuk a lot. He’d always make time for him at least once a month just to say hi and thank you. His last visit was a few months ago after Donghyuk’s birthday.

He buys flowers and enters the columbarium. At the end of Donghyuk’s side, he stood while he noticed a guy standing in front of Donghyuk’s window. He wasn’t familiar with the man. It wasn’t Bobby nor his friends. He stood there and waited until the man was done with his visit and started walking away from Donghyuk’s glass window. As the man walked away, he noticed Hanbin standing at the end of the hall looking at him. He stopped for a few seconds as if he knew Hanbin and wasn’t expecting to see him. He then continues to walk and passes by Hanbin without a word or a greeting. Not that Hanbin was expecting any. 

He ignored the man and walked towards Donghyuk’s window. He hung his flowers and he starts getting nervous and then he laughs. “I’m nervous to be here. You must know why, right?” He starts. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to visit. Must be why you’re the one who visited me through my dreams.” 

Donghyuk was one of Hanbin’s outlet. The things that bothered him and the things he couldn’t say to Yunhyeong first, he let out when he visited Donghyuk. It was nice to know that someone was listening even though he wasn’t physically there. He shared the small and big things to Donghyuk as if they were friends too.   
“The truth is, I was embarrassed to come. You know what I’ve been doing the past few months and I don’t know… I felt like I couldn’t face you while I did it. I felt shy but also intimidated and I know I shouldn’t have. I don’t know. You’re probably laughing at me right now. I’m pathetic. Anyway, I’m here to tell you not to tell anyone what I told you in my dream. Not that there’s a chance you’d tell anyone but… I don’t know what I’m talking about I’m sorry.” He says frustrated. “It’s just, you’re the first one I’ve ever told that story. Even I haven’t heard my story in a very long time. I feel naked knowing that someone else knows that part of me. I couldn’t even believe I talked to someone about it even if it was just in a dream. But thank you. Thank you for not judging me and thank you for telling me I’m better than him. You make me want to believe you. Maybe one day, I’ll do.” He sits down at the corner and leans his back to the wall. Donghyuk was a little farther away from him no but he didn’t mind. “I hurt him.” He says obviously talking about Bobby. “I don’t know where our relationship stands when it comes to Bobby and I don’t have anyone else to talk to about it because I’m so ashamed of what I did so I hope it’s okay I’m talking to you about it.” He sighs.

“I never meant to hurt him. I was just scared. All my life I’ve always been second best and I don’t know… I got drowned in the fact of trying so hard to be good enough for him. I just… I know how perfect you were in his eyes. He wrote about how he felt about you every time you entered the room or every time you smiled and I envied that. I wanted him to look at me the way he looked at you. ‘Paradise in your arms’ those were a few words he used to describe his relationship with you. He never, not once, gave me a reason to be jealous of you but I still got jealous. You set the bar too high.” Hanbin let out a small laugh and sighs. “You know sometimes I wish you were alive so that you can tell me what to do. But if you were alive, I’d be the one dead.” He laughs again. “I miss him, Donghyuk ah. But i’m scared I’ll hurt him again.” 

Hanbin’s phone rings and he answers it without looking at the caller id. A very worried Yunhyeong was on the other line rambling words he couldn’t understand.

“Wait, chill, what are you talking about?” Hanbin tries to calm him.

“Where are you?! I’m at your house but you’re not here! I’ve been trying to call you but I couldn’t get through!”  
Hanbin laughs. “Are you crying?!”

“Ya! I had a bad dream about you. I got worried!”

“I’m fine what the heck it was just a dream. Were you scared I killed myself of something?” He asked jokingly.

“Not funny Hanbin ah!”

“Yunhyeongie I’ll never do that to you. No matter how sad I get.” He assured him.

“Good to know! Where are you?! I brought breakfast.”

“I went out to get some air. Going home now.”

“Okay but I can’t stay I have to go to the site. I’ll leave the food on the table okay?”

“Okay. Thank you. Sorry for worrying you.”

“Yeah, whatever. Bye! Oh, also, good job on the clean-up.”

He drops the call before Hanbin gets to respond. Hanbin stands up and stares at Donghyuk’s glass window before he leaves. “I’ll visit again soon. I’ll make sure to bring good news instead of drama.” He smiles and leaves.   
“Hanbin ssi?” Hanbin was about to step inside his car when a man call out from behind.

He turns around to see who it was and it was the man earlier. He stares at him questioningly as he walked closer to Hanbin. As the man came closer, he started seeing him as someone he’s seen before but before he could remember, the man was already in front of him.

“Hi.” The man says. “Sorry. You don’t know me. I’m Lee Minkyu. I’m a friend of Donghyuk’s.” He introduces himself and offers a handshake.

Only then Hanbin remembered where he’s seen him. The photo in Bobby’s house and the photos from Donghyuk’s SNS accounts. “Oh, hello! I’m Kim Hanbin but you already knew that.” Hanbin says awkwardly and takes the handshake. 

“Yeah. I heard about you from Donghyuk’s mom. I’ve been wanting to meet you but I wasn’t sure how.”

“Oh, yeah. It’s nice to meet you. You’re friends with the others right too?” Hanbin says. 

Minkyu raised his brow not knowing who Hanbin was pertaining to. 

“I mean Bobby? Jinhwan? Chanwoo?”

“Oh! Yeah! Sorry! Yeah, yeah. We were in college together and was quite tight.”

Hanbin nods. “I recognized you from the photos.”

“Right. How are they? I didn’t know you kept in touch with them too.”

“Yeah. Fate found a way to keep us all together.” Hanbin joked. “They’re good. Busy, very. Jinhwan and Chanwoo’s about to open a new café with my friend and Bobby is…” He didn’t know what to say because he didn’t know how Bobby was. He didn’t know if he was busy or working. “Well, I guess he’s fine.” He says instead.

“That’s good. It’s been a while.” Minkyu says.

“Do you live here? Seoul I mean? Hanbin asked without sounding nosy.

“No. I moved to Japan two years ago because of work. I’m here for two weeks only.” He says. “For word also.” Minkyu adds.

“You should meet with the boys. They would love to see an old friend, I guess?” Hanbin suggested.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” Minkyu said silently.   
Hanbin tilted his head unsure of what he just heard. 

“I’m sorry?”

Minkyu’s phone rings just before he was about to say something. He takes it out and looks at the caller ID. He looks back at Hanbin apologetically. “I’m sorry. It’s work. They’ve been calling for a while I just wanted to meet you first.”

“Oh, yeah of course. Go ahead. It was nice to meet you.” Hanbin says politely.

“It was nice to meet you too. Uhm, do you have a card? I’d love to talk more soon.”

“I’m sorry I don’t.” 

“I don’t have one with me as well.” Minkyu informs him. “Can I take your number instead?” He hands out his phone that just stopped ringing to Hanbin and Hanbin types in his number. “Thanks! I’ll call for when you’re free.” Minkyu says again before bidding farewell.

 

-

 

“Hey! Was he there?” Yunhyeong asked as Bobby walked towards him. He was finalizing designs for the interior of the new café. Bobby always passed by the site after driving through the café to check if Hanbin decided to finally go out of the house. 

Bobby shook his head. “Nope.”

Yunhyeong and Bobby has been keeping in touch ever since the breakup. Bobby has been asking Yunhyeong to send Hanbin food and check up on him if he had time. Yunhyeong was happy to do so cause he too was worried. Bobby didn’t go into details as to what happened but Yunhyeong, Jinhwan and Chanwoo respected it but they all have been wishing the best for the both of them. 

It’s been over two weeks now since the incident. Bobby hasn’t seen Hanbin except for the one time Yunhyeong couldn’t go to Hanbin’s house to deliver food so he did it himself. He snuck into Hanbin’s room after cleaning up his place and he went in again to tuck him in a blanket after he shopped for groceries the same day. He wanted to stay but he wasn’t sure Hanbin wanted him there or even wanted to see him. 

“He went out a few days ago to get air. I was really hoping he’d start working out of the house again. Or at all. His publisher said he hasn’t responded to any of the work emails she sent her either.”

“I miss him, Yunhyeong. Even more each day.”

“Why don’t you just go and talk to him?”

Bobby shakes his head. “He wanted the break too. I told him he can call me anytime bu he hasn’t. I have to respect that.”

Yunhyeong nods. “I’ll check on him before going to work tomorrow.”

“Can I be the one to bring him food?” Bobby asked. “I’ll go earlier than the time he’s usually up. A few hours maybe?”

Yunhyeong nods. “Sure.”

“Thank you. For everything.” Bobby says sincerely. 

“I love him just as much as you do so no worries.”

Bobby nods and smiles. “I’ll go say hi to the boys.” He informs Yunhyeong and looks for Jinhwan and Chanwoo.   
Bobby couldn’t see either of them inside the café so he steps out at the back and spots Junhoe smoking with one of the carpenters. 

He gives him a nod and walks towards him. “Hey.”  
The carpenter greets Bobby and throws his finished stick to the ground stepping on it before he leaves to go back inside. Junhoe inhales once more before doing the same to his stick. 

“You want one?” He offered Bobby. 

Bobby shook his head. “I’m good. I haven’t seen Jinhwan and Chanwoo?”

“Oh, they rushed to a client meeting but they’ll be back soon.” He explains and Bobby nods. 

He sits at one of the sample chairs for the outdoor tables beside Junhoe. “The place is looking nice.” He compliments. 

“We have talented friends.” He says not taking any of the credit. “How’re you and Hanbin?”

Junhoe knew everything Yunhyeong knew. He tried reaching out to Hanbin but knowing Hanbin, it was going to be useless. Hanbin was always the first one to reach out after a fight and it was only until he was ready. No matter how many times you call him or even beg him to talk. Hanbin needed to analyze the situation always. He needed to know where he went wrong so that he knew what to fix. Hanbin was sort of a perfectionist in everything.

Bobby sighs. “Nothing still.”

Junhoe nods. “Hanbin has demons inside of him he fights with every waking day of his life.” 

Bobby looks at Junhoe. “What do you mean?”

“He’s had a rough childhood. I only know this because he doesn’t talk about it. He never did. Not to anyone. Not even to Yunhyeong.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

Junhoe nods again. “I know i’m a huge part of why he doubts himself a lot. But I know his childhood has something to do about it too. I tried to save him. I did. I tried until I realized I was doing it wrong and I was only pushing him further the water to drown even more.”  
Bobby stays silent as he listened. 

“He’s a hard person to love. He’s delicate. Fragile.”   
Bobby nods. 

“Don’t leave him. He loves you.”

“I wasn’t planning to.”

“Get him back. Stay with him because leaving him alone will only make him think that you don’t want to be with him. He thinks the worst of himself. Staying away from him will only prove him how right he was for not being good enough for you.” 

“You think so?” Bobby wasn’t sure if he agreed with Junhoe a hundred percent. He was so sure of giving Hanbin the time alone but now he’s starting to have doubts on his decision as well. 

“I think so.” Junhoe responded. He knew he wasn’t in the position to tell Bobby what he needed to do. All he could do to help was share his thoughts. It wasn’t like he was forcing Bobby to do it. In the end, it is Bobby’s decision. 

Bobby was convinced Junhoe really did love Hanbin. Maybe not the right way he deserved to be loved but he did. 

“Junhoe ssi, you’re needed inside.” One of the staff peeks out the door to call on Junhoe. 

Junhoe stands up and holds onto Bobby’s shoulder. Bobby taps his hand to assure him he was going to be fine and Junhoe starts to walk back inside. 

“Hey, I have one last question.” Bobby calls out.   
Junhoe turns around and anticipates. 

“How’d you get over him?” Bobby asked. 

“I’ll tell you once I do.” Junhoe says honestly and winks. He walks back inside leaving Bobby alone. 

 

-

 

Hanbin fell asleep in the sofa while watching TV the night before. It was the first time he turned on any of his appliances aside from the microwave only to sleep on it. 

A few hours in dreamland, he’s awaken by the sound of his door lock. Someone was typing in the code and successfully unlocked it. He checks the time on his watch to see it was only half past 3 in the morning. It was too early for Yunhyeong to be bringing him food. Unless he was drunk and couldn’t go home to his house.   
He gets up and walks towards the hall to see Bobby stepping out his shoes carrying a plastic bag. When Bobby looks up, he freezes when he sees Hanbin staring right back at him. 

Bobby checks his watch to make sure he was seeing the time right and he was. “I- I thought you were asleep. I- uhm…” He raises the plastic bag near his face. “I brought breakfast.” And then he chuckles nervously.   
Hanbin fakes a smile not knowing what to do or what to say. He was close to fainting because his heart was racing too fast. 

“I can go. I’m sorry for coming. I didn’t know you were going to be up.” Bobby says uneasily. He turns to his sides and checks where he can leave the food without taking another step. No table was near him so he leaves the plastic bag on the floor and steps back.

“No!” Hanbin says surprising them both. “I mean… you can stay. Eat? Together? If you’re hungry… also, Thank you for… the food… the other night…” 

“Are you sure you’re okay with me here?” Bobby had to make sure he wasn’t making Hanbin uncomfortable at all. 

Hanbin nods. “I missed having you here…” He realized he just said his words out loud. 

Bobby walks closer to Hanbin and hugs him immediately leaving the food he brought on the floor. “Oh god I missed you. I missed you so much.” He says as he hugged him tightly. “I really love that you say your thoughts out loud when your nervous.” He laughs. He kisses the side of Hanbin’s head and hugs him a little more before pulling away. 

“Why didn’t you come sooner?” Hanbin asked. 

“I wasn’t sure you wanted me to. I was waiting for you to call.”

“I didn’t know what to say.” Hanbin admits. “I usually do after a few days but I don’t and it’s been weeks.”

Bobby pulls him in again and strokes the back of his head. “It’s okay. You don’t have to know now. But I wanna be here until you do. Is that okay with you?”   
Bobby finally decided to take on Junhoe’s advice and just as he thought, Junhoe was right. 

Hanbin nods and wraps his hands around Bobby’s body. “I missed you too. Very much.” 

Bobby takes Hanbin’s face in his hands and closes the gap between their lips. Hanbin takes the kiss and wraps his arms around Bobby’s neck. He carries him up and he noticed how much lighter Hanbin has become so he puts him down again and pulls away from the kiss. 

“Food. I need to get some food in you first. Yunhyeong said you haven’t been eating.”

“But i’m not hungry.” Hanbin whined. 

“If we’re going to do what we were about to do, you’ll need energy. So we’re going to eat first.” 

Hanbin smirks. 

Bobby lets Hanbin go and grabs the plastic he left on the floor. He walks towards the kitchen and pulls Hanbin behind him. He makes him sit at one of the dining chairs as he made the table. He set up two plates and two glasses. He takes out a carton of juice he bought the other day and places it on top of the table. He sits down beside Hanbin and takes out the food from the the plastic bag one by one. 

“I know you’re not a big fan of waffles but this is the only restaurant I could find that served food at this hour.”

Hanbin faces Bobby and gives him a smack on the lips. “I love you.” 

Bobby’s heart flutters. He stops what he was doing and he grabs Hanbin’s head closer to his and kisses him aggressively. He pulls away and looks him in the eye. “I love you too. So much than you’ll ever know.”

Hanbin smiles from ear to ear and helps Bobby unpack the food he bought. 

They catch up over breakfast and head to the bedroom after. 

Hanbin takes a shower before lying in bed beside Bobby who has already changed into Hanbin’s pajama.   
Hanbin walks out wearing the same thing Bobby was wearing. Pants and no shirt. He tucks himself in beside Bobby and he rests in Bobby’s chest with his arm wrapped around his body. 

Bobby kisses the top of Hanbin’s head and strokes his hair gently. 

“All my life i’ve been waiting for someone to love me right. And when someone finally did, I ruined it.” Hanbin says silently.

“You didn’t ruin anything. Yet.” Bobby kid and Hanbin slapped his abs making him groan. “Seriously though, you didn’t.” Bobby says assuring him. 

“I don’t know if i’ll ever change. I don’t know if i’ll ever love myself without trying.”

Bobby adjusts himself and moves Hanbin down on the bed slowly. They’re both resting on their sides facing each other. Bobby takes Hanbin fingers and intertwines them with his. “This battle you have with yourself, you won’t be fighting them alone. Not anymore. We’re going to overcome these struggles. Together.”

“I’m a very difficult person to be with. There will be more dark days than there is light.”

“And in those days, I’ll love you even more. Bin, I was wrong to leave you these past few weeks. I hope you don’t think I did it because I wanted to get away from your dark days. I honestly thought it was the best way to help you and i’m sorry. But starting today, I promise you, you will never be alone again. Even on the worst days.” 

“It will be unbearable sometimes.”

“And i’d still choose to love you.” 

 

Hanbin leans closer and kisses Bobby’s lips gently. He parts his lips slowly and Bobby follows. He lets Hanbin take the lead and so Hanbin does. He moves his body closer until he closes the gap between them. Bobby runs his hands on Hanbin’s back and Hanbin lets out a soft moan.

Hanbin pushes Bobby gently to the bed until his back was resting on the mattress and he ran kisses on Bobby’s neck. He tilts his head to give Hanbin more access until Hanbin moved down to his chest. He licks one of Bobby’s nipples making Bobby moan and he sucks it gently. Hanbin moves the the next nipple and sucks on it until it was rock hard. He moves down to Bobby’s abs and Hanbin licks his navel up to his chest. Bobby watched Hanbin as he pleasured him and just when Hanbin was starting to untie his pajama, he pulls him up and he kisses him hard this time. He bites into Hanbin’s lips making him grunt. He laughs wickedly and kisses him back making yo for the bite. He moves on top of Hanbin rubbing his hard on to his as he made out with him. 

He runs the tip of his tongue around Hanbin’s earlobe and whispers a sexy, “I missed you” Sending shivers to Hanbin’s spine. 

Hanbin gets more aroused and lifts his lips to press on Bobby’s hard on further. 

Bobby unties Hanbin’s pajama and pulls it down and off his legs releasing Hanbin’s hard cock into the cold air. He licks the tip and starts massaging it with both hands. He works his way up and down making Hanbin moan into the movement and he continues to do so until Hanbin releases juice out of him. 

He pulls Hanbin up and he stands on his knees on too of the bed. He starts massaging his hard on until Hanbin drops back down to the bed with chest resting on the mattress. He assists Bobby in massaging his cock until Bobby leaves it up to him. Hanbin gently takes Bobby’s cock in his mouth and fills his mouth in until Bobby’s cock reached his throat making him gag. He made eye contact with Bobby as he continued to eat him until he was soaking wet and ready to be inside him.

Hanbin reaches out of his drawer to pull out a tube of lube and squeezes a little bit on his hands. He rubs his hands together and massages Bobby’s hard. When Bobby knew it was enough, he pulls Hanbin up and he turns him around so that his back was in front of him. He bends him down slowly running his hand on his back tracing his spine until Hanbin was in position. Bobby bends over him and reaches for Hanbin’s cock giving it a little rub until he pre-cums. 

He pulls the foreskin of his cock exposing his head more and rubs it twice before enter Hanbin. He moves slowly as we worked inside him and when he’s in fully, they both groan in unison. 

Bobby starts thrusting slowly until he finds the right pace and he starts pounding him. He pulls Hanbin’s hips down harder making Hanbin cry loudly. 

Hanbin’s vision was fading to black as he was reaching the climax. He informs Bobby and they both groan in unison when they both cum together.   
Bobby moves Hanbin to lie down beside hi. They both lay on their sides without Bobby pulling out from Hanbin yet. 

He hugs him from behind as the both panted. “Let me stay in your for a while.” He says and Hanbin nods. Bobby kisses the back of Hanbin’s neck and wraps his arms around him. 

Bobby pulls out form Hanbin and Hanbin moves to face Bobby before the both fall asleep.


	10. he said nothing

“Good morning.” A warm smile greets Bobby as soon as he opens his eyes. 

A few mornings passed since the reunion. They were where they left off and doing the same things they did before the breakup yet everything felt so different. It felt more easy and comfortable. No doubts, no questions, no anxiousness. 

Hanbin had just taken a shower and slides down beside Bobby on the bed. He rests on his side and watched Bobby struggle to open his eyes. Made sense because he woke up 42 minutes earlier than his alarm. 

“What time is it?” Bobby groaned. 

Hanbin smiles and leans closer to leave a soft peck on Bobby’s cheek. He wraps his hand around Bobby’s body and rests his head on his chest. “You have less than an hour more to sleep.” He runs circles in Bobby’s bare abdomen with his fingers as he himself tries to go back to sleep. He moves his fingers lower under the blanket not realizing it was about to touch the tip of Bobby’s cock and when his skin meets Bobby’s, Bobby groans. 

He was too tired to pick up his boxers from the floor last night he fell asleep without it. “Ahhh, Bin.”

“Oh my god, sorry!” Hanbin says in shock and laughs. “Are you seriously hard right now?!”

“Bin, I just woke up. And you touching me making those twirls in my tummy doesn’t really help so yeah, i’m fucking hard right now.” Bobby says in defense a little bit ashamed of his situation. 

Hanbin grins and kisses his bare chest. He positions himself on top of Bobby taking him aback. This was a new side of Hanbin he hasn’t seen before but he likes it. Oh, he likes it. 

Bobby takes Hanbin’s face and pulls him in for a kiss. He kisses him intimately massaging their tongues together. Their bodies were moving fast this early in the morning. Their adrenaline was high up in a second. 

Hanbin grinds on top of Bobby rubbing his hard on making him moan. He moves lower to kiss Bobby’s neck and then clenches his teeth into Bobby’s skin and sucks just enough to leave a mark. He moves under the blanket and positions himself in between Bobby’s legs. Bobby raises the blanket on top of Hanbin making sure he had the full view as to what Hanbin was about to do to him. 

Hanbin takes Bobby’s long hard cock in his hand and licks it from the bottom to the tip. Bobby shivers at what Hanbin just did and he can’t believe how that small of an action already made a full effect on him. Hanbin licks the tip of Bobby’s cock a few more times before he takes him inside of his mouth. Bobby grabs Hanbin’s hair with his free hand while the other held the blanket up. Hanbin starts bobbing his mouth around Bobby’s cock hollowing his cheeks while making sure to make eye contact with him. 

“Ah fuck, Bin! Ahh, that feels so good.” He tilts his head back as Hanbin continued to lower his mouth. 

Bobby’s moans grow louder with a mixture of curse words with Hanbin’s name in it. “I’m gonna cum. Ahhh fuck, Bin!” 

Hanbin works his hands on Bobby’s lengths until Bobby’s releases his warm juice in his thighs and Hanbin’s hands. He feels beaten, unable to move from his last position. He tries to recover quickly but the pleasure was still running through his veins. 

Hanbin wipes mouth with the blanket making a mental note to change it and the sheets before he leaves later. He moves back to Bobby’s side and and kisses the side of Bobby’s chest before resting on top of it again. Bobby was still looking for air to breathe. 

“Where the hell was that Hanbin all this time?” He asked kissing the top of Hanbin’s head. 

“Why? Weren’t you satisfied with me before?” 

“Bin, no person in the right mind would ever complain as to how you are in bed because you’re fucking good. Out of this world good.” Bobby says making Hanbin slightly blush. He knew it wasn’t true but it made him feel good. “But that, taking control of the situation… that’s on a whole different level. I-” Bobby is a loss for words. 

Bobby has always sort of been the dominant when it came to sex. Hanbin was too shy to initiate or make a move first and he doesn’t know where the confidence came from this morning but it gave him a totally different kind of rush. And just like Bobby, he liked it too. 

The morning moved quickly. Bobby jumped out of bed and into the shower after a few minutes of cuddling. Hanbin moved to the kitchen and made coffee since there was no more time to make the decent breakfast the he planned but no complains. He had more than a decent breakfast.

Bobby preferred taking the normal morning to afternoon schedule of work so that he’d have more time with Hanbin. Good thing he was a morning person so it wasn’t that big of an adjustment for him. He’d only stay up until early morning in the studio if it was needed but other than that, he liked the normal 8-5 schedule.   
Hanbin has been preparing himself to write again by reading his previous works and books he had kept in his shelf for inspiration. It’s not easy for a write to just pick up where he left off. You had to be mentally ready to get back into character. It was no different than acting for Hanbin. The reason his books were so full of life and realness was that because he made sure to put himself in the position of his characters. He made sure he felt what they felt. There are times his characters get to him. It was hard to let go and he missed it when it left. He put his heart and soul into every word he wrote that sometimes it was draining not only mentally but also emotionally. It was always so hard to get back after a break but after finally getting a feel of it again, he doesn’t stop.  
“See you tonight.” Hanbin says as Bobby steps in his favourite pair of Nike’s.   
Bobby turns around and pulls Hanbin by the waist. He walks two steps forward making Hanbin’s back rest at the wall behind him. “Can’t wait.” He says and kisses Hanbin making him feel like it’s the first time. He leaves a soft lingering one before heading out the door and as usual, Hanbin melts.   
-  
“We’re finally starting to make music again?” YG boss was peeking through his studio door listening to what Bobby has worked on so far.

Bobby, startled, looks behind him and stands up to greet his boss. They half hug and shake hands. “I thought you were in the States?” Bobby asked obviously happy to see his him.

“I just got back and heard you were back too so I decided to drop by. So? We good now?” 

Bobby looks down shyly and nods. “Yeah. I’m sorry about the past few weeks. It’s been rough.”

His boss nods totally understanding. “As long as we’re good now.” He taps Bobby’s back and gives him assurance that it was okay and that he understood. He left to proceed to a meeting leaving Bobby alone again in his studio.

What’s good about his boss was that he made an effort to make a relationship with the people who worked for him. He treated everyone as friends and made sure to know what was going on at every single one of them without being nosy. He made sure his artists, producers, and every single one of his staff was happy to be in the environment. Sure things got hectic, but despite all the troubles, he always made sure they’d come back the next day and looked forward to starting anew. He was a good human being. Respectful even. He acted like a boss when he needed to but he was also a father and an older brother to everyone.

Bobby goes back to work feeling inspired and motivated not even minding the time until his phone dings. He smiles as he sees Hanbin’s name on the screen and picks up his phone to reply to his message.

“When did you become so lame?” 

He jumps from his seat when he realizes someone was in the room with him. 

“Were you here all along?!” He asks his co-producer and studio neighbour Wook Jin.

“Dude I’ve taken a nap and woke up in your couch.”

“Really?!” Bobby was so into the production of the song he didn’t even notice him come in.

Wook Jin nods. “Your shit’s sounding great.” He compliments Bobby’s work. 

Bobby smiles. “Thanks. Why are you here?”

Wook Jin lies back down the couch and rests his arm on his forehead. “Raesung poured soda on my couch and I haven’t slept sine last night. Go back to your thing let me go back to sleep. And stop acting lame I kinda miss the cool Bobby. I don’t think I’ll get used to this new soft Bobby.”

“I’m not soft!” 

“Have you seen yourself lately?” Wook Jin peeks through his arm to look at Bobby.

“I smiled at a text so what?”

“You know what’s worse? You haven’t even read the text yet and you were already smiling.”

“Were you peeking through my phone?!”

Wook Jin ignores him and tries to go back to sleep.  
Bobby scoffs and shakes his head. “Unbelievable.”   
He goes back to his phone and tries his best not to show the giddiness he feels with just the fact that Hanbin texted him. He missed him already. It’s only been a few hours but he missed him.

Oh god, I am lame.

-

“Are you even listening?!” Jennie asks one brow raised.  
Hanbin’s grin from Bobby’s messages fades when he sees how unpleased Jennie looks. 

“I was listening.” He lies. 

“What was I saying?” Jennies crosses her arms.

“About a new book?” Hanbin guessed.

“Wrong. I was stating three ways to kill you if you don’t give me your undivided attention!”

“Sorry.” Hanbin bows in defeat. He knows how hard it’s been for Jennie during the breakup and acting like an in love highschool kid during a work meeting was being unfair at all. He composes himself and regrets how he’s been acting the last hour and gives Jennie his full attention. “I’m sorry. Can you explain the last part again?”

Jennie leans back the chair and sighs. She takes the cup of coffee in front of her and takes a sip. “I’ll email everything to you.” She says in defeat. “Be thankful i’m in a good mood to even email you your shit.”

Hanbin leans closer until his cheeks are squishing through her arms. He looks at her with sparkling eyes. “What am I gonna do without you?” He asks sincerely.   
Jennie rolls her eyes and takes another sip of coffee.   
“The boys and I are having dinner tonight? Come with? My treat.” Hanin offered to make up for the day. 

“Boys?” Jennie asked. Only then Hanbin realizes she wasn’t updated with his new life now. She knew about Bobby but not everything that came with it. 

“Bobby and his friends. Yunhyeong and Junhoe too. Come, you’d love them. They’re as crazy as you are.”

“Junhoe and Bobby? Friends? Am I hearing this right?”   
Hanbin lets out a laugh. “Yeah. It just kinda happened. Everyone’s cool with it though.” 

“Now, I really want to go. But I can’t. I already made plans. You should’ve told me earlier.”

“I didn’t know til before we met. Next time?”

Jennie nods. She checks her watch and she panics. “Oh crap! I have another meeting in 20 minutes. I gotta go.” She takes her bag in a rush and kisses Hanbin on the cheek. “Make sure to read your email later.” She says one last time before she sprints out of the café. 

-

It’s been a while since they were all gathered together. The warehouse crew were working on the finishing touches and the last minute detail changes on the café before the opening in two days. 

Yunhyeong hired a marketing team for the promotions of the new place so there was going to be a party the night before official opening. Hanbin offered to do the flower arrangements of the party and Bobby was assigned with the music. He called some of his DJ friends to spin and luckily they weren’t booked for the day. 

Dinner was full of wine, steak, and catching up and was also a rest night for the hardworking team. After months and months of restless nights and days, they were finally hitting their goal. 

Working together developed a friendship between Hanbin’s side and Bobby’s side. If they weren’t too tired to end the night they’d go to the nearest drinking tents and spend a couple of hours before hitting the sack. They’ve grown to be comfortable with words and actions that was surprising Bobby and Hanbin who was always MIA until tonight. 

“I’d like to make a toast!” Yunhyeong raises his wine glass to the air. 

“Eyyy!” Everyone teased him in unison.

“Just raise your glasses assholes.” Yunhyeong commands making them all laugh. They raise their glasses to whatever their friend had to say. 

“To new friendships and to the new café we worked our asses off. To new relationships…” He pointed at Junhoe and Jinhwan. Junhoe shakes his head and laughs at how drunk and ridiculous Yunhyeong looked while Jinhwan blushes. “And to almost new relationships…” He points at Hanbin and Bobby. “Almost new because you know you kinda broke up and now you’re back together so it’s like a new relationshop but it’s –” 

“We get it, we get it!” Chanwoo stops him from rambling. “Cheers to and for everyone!” Chanwoo finishes it up and they all clink their glasses together before taking a sip. 

Bobby’s arm was resting at the back of Hanbin’s chair. He leans forward so that his mouth is nearer to his ear and whispers, “Cheers to us, Bin. And to many more mornings like this morning.” He clinks his glass to Hanbin’s and Hanbin elbows him hitting him gently on his chest. Hanbin takes a long sip of his wine and Bobby laughs from behind at how red his boyfriend was. He kisses the back of his head and takes a sip from his wine glass as well. 

They order another bottle of wine before they call it a night. 

-

Jinhwan and Junhoe waited at the parking lot while everyone crammed to use the restroom before leaving.   
Junhoe was leaning on his car with Jinhwan standing right next to him. 

“So what do you think?” Junhoe asks breaking the silence between them. 

Both had enough to drink to be drunk but not to forget the conversation they were about to had the next morning. 

“About what?” Jinhwan asked curiously. 

“About what Yunhyeong said earlier.” 

“Which part?”

“Us being in a relationship part. What do you think?”  
“I think I liked the sound of it.”

“Yeah?”

Jinhwan nods. 

If Jinhwan wasn’t drunk, his face would turn red and he’d think of a way to avoid the question but he was already red and he was drunk enough to be confident in front of Junhoe. 

“How about you?” Jinhwan asked. “What do you think?”

“I think I like the sound of you.”

“You’re really corny you know?” Jinhwan chuckles and pretends Junhoe’s words didn’t just make his tummy turn. 

Junhoe shrugs and laughs quietly. He grabs Jinhwan’s hand and kisses his knuckles. “Wanna do it with me? The relationship thing?”

“Do you want to do it?”

“I want to do it if it’s with you.”

“What if I don’t want to do it?”

“I’d force you to do it.”

Jinhwan tilts his head up and laughs. When he looks back down, Junhoe pulls him by his neck and kisses him on the lips intimately. Jinhwan releases himself to Junhoe and gives back the kiss Junhoe was giving him. This wasn’t the first time they kissed but it was the first time they didn’t need to hold back how they felt. 

Junhoe pulls away slowly and rests his forehead with Jinhwan’s. “So?”

Jinhwan smiles from ear to ear and nods. Junhoe wraps his arms around Jinhwan’s small frame and Jinhwan wraps his around Junhoe’s neck. 

They get distracted by loud clapping and cheering. They boys were standing in a line a few feet away from them all grinning at what they had just witnessed.

They let go of each other and Jinhwan hides his face in his hands. They all laugh and walk closer towards them. Chanwoo hi-fives Junhoe and so does Bobby. 

“Alright! When’s the wedding?” Chanwoo asked and gets a kick from Jinhwan. 

“Bobby and Hanbin first.” Jinhwan says. 

Bobby and Hanbin looks at each other and scrunches their nose at the same time. 

“We’ll only get married if Chanwoo and Yunhyeong gets together.” Bobby says and they all laugh. 

Chanwoo and Yunhyeong acts grossed out at the same time. 

Chanwoo wraps one arm around Bobby. “Then I guess we’ll never have a wedding.” 

Yunhyeong nods quickly jn agreement making them all laugh harder. 

“Alright! We’re all passed our bedtime! Time to go home!” Junhoe taps the hood of his car making everyone move to theirs. 

Hanbin hugs everyone good night and when he reaches Junhoe, he gives him a genuine smile before wrapping his arms around him. Junhoe wraps his arms back and whispers, “Thank you.” 

Hanbin pulls away. “Thanks for the credit but that was all you.” He says and they both laugh. 

“You know what I mean.” Junhoe says seriously and Hanbin nods. “Thankful to you too. You know that right?” Junhoe nods. 

Their cars leave the restaurant parking lot one by one and they all drive home safely. 

-

“Would you want me to arrange these for you?” The flower shop owner asks Hanbin. 

“No, thank you. I’d like to be the one to do it.” Hanbin responds. 

The owner nods and smiles and wraps the flowers for Hanbin. 

It was finally the opening of Yunhyeong’s new café. Hanbin offered to be the one in charge of the flower arrangement for the event so the first thing he’s done after breakfast with Bobby was get the flowers he had reserved from the shop. 

“You need help with that?” A familiar voice asks as soon as he steps out of the shop which Hanbin can’t really identify since the flowers were bigger than him they were covering his view. 

The person moves to his side for Hanbin to see him. “Hi! Sorry I couldn’t see you.” 

Minkyu smiles and takes the flowers from Hanbin’s hand. “Let me. These are a lot are you getting married or something?”

Hanbin laughs. “No. They’re for my bestfriends’ shop. Huge opening tonight.” He explains as he walked Minkyu and the flowers to his car. He opens the trunk to set the flowers inside and arranges them thoroughly so nothing gets ruined. “Thank you.” He says to Minkyu.

“I’m sorry I haven’t called. Korea has been so hectic for me. I saw you while walking by to grab coffee.”

“It’s fine. I’ve been busy myself.”

“Uhm. I’m in quite a rush right now but I can squeeze in an hour or two for lunch later. Would you want to join me?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t. The opening and all.” Hanbin explains and comes up with a realization suddenly. “Ah, I forgot to tell Bobby I met you. Hmm, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this but I’m kinda dating him. well, not kinda. I am. We’re in a relationship so…”

Minkyu’s eyes grow bigger. “Really?!”

Hanbin nods shyly. “Crazy, I know. But yeah, it’s working out so far. After a couple of hurdles.” Hanbin chuckles. “You should come tonight! It’ll be a nice surprise if you showed up. It’s been a while since you last seen each other and judging by the photos I saw of you guys together, they’d be pleased to see you.”

“Uhm, I- I don’t know if I can I’m sorry. I’m really busy. Meetings over meetings. You know?” Minkyu apologizes.

“Come on. Maybe move the two hours you offered for lunch to dinner?” 

“Bobby’s going too?”

Hanbin nods. “He’s going to be a little late because of work but he’ll be there. Come, okay? I’m not taking no for an answer. It’s going to be a pretty surprise for the boys.” Hanbin rushes to the front of his car before Minkyu declines the invitation. He opens his car door and gets in leaving the window open. “7pm. Seongsu-dong. Daerim Warehouse. I know you’re busy so I’m going to go ahead. See you later!” He shouts before rolling the windows back up. He waves nicely to Minkyu before driving away.

-

The warehouse themed café was decoarted differently for the party tonight. It maintained it’s rustic vibes but with a little wild kick to it. 

The place was crowded. Celebrities and influencers were invited to promote the new place and a couple of family, friends, and extended friends came to celebrate. 

Yunhyeong and Jinhwan were busy entertaining the media while Junhoe and Chanwoo worked with the bartenders at the bar. 

A lot of people from Bobby’s company came and a few walked into Hanbin to introduce themselves as Bobby’s friends and to say hi. Hanbin was pleased to meet other people who was involved kn Bobby’s everyday life and mingled with a fee while he waited for Bobby to arrive.   
Excusing himself from Jaewon, a rapper from Bobby’s company, he bumps into Minkyu who has searched all over the place for Hanbin. 

“You made it!” Hanbin exclaimed happily. 

Minkyu laughed. “Yeah.”

“Come, your friends would love to see you!” Hanbin assists Minkyu towards the bar where Chanwoo was but Minkyu stopped them from walking. 

“There’s actually something I want to talk to you about.” Minkyu was half screaming in Hanbin’s ear because of the loud music around them. 

Hanbin wasn’t expecting anything from Minkyu so he was kinda taken aback. He wondered what it was so he asked, “What is it?”

Minkyu looked around and saw the exit sigh at the back of the warehouse and pointed at the direction. “Let’s talk outside.” He lead the way out. 

Hanbin looked around the place making sure he wasn’t going to be needed the next five minutes and after seeing his friends busy with what they were doing, he follows Minkyu.

Just as they were squeezing their way out to the back of the warehouse, Bobby arrives with Wook Jin and 

Jaewon spots them first and Bobby asks him immediately if he’s seen Hanbin. 

“They were headed back last time I saw them.” Jaewon pointed at the direction Hanbin and Minkyu went out of.

“Them?”

Jaewon nods. “He was with a friend. I don’t know who though I haven’t seen him before.” 

Bobby nods and thinks he probably was just catching up with some of his and Yunhyeong’s friend but he heads back anyway. 

He notices Hanbin’s back and the moment be steps out of the door, he meets eye to eye with Minkyu. Bobby’s forehead begins to curl up into a frown. 

Hanbin notices Minkyu was distracted and looks behind him. When he sees Bobby, he gets excited. “Bub! Look who I met! I saw him –“

Before Hanbin was even able to finish his sentence, Bobby runs towards Minkyu quickly and twist his shirt up lifitng him from the ground. Minkyu didn’t show a slightness of fright from what Bobby just did to him.   
Hanbin grows in shock at what was in front of him. “Bub what the heck are you doing?!” He screams and tries to pull him away but Bobby doesn’t move an inch. Hanbin realizes Bobby was mad for real. He just didn’t understand why. 

Minkyu scoffs at Bobby. “Still feisty after all these years huh friend?” He mocked but Bobby just pulled his shirt up higher causing him to flinch. 

“What did you say to him?” Bobby asks in a low angry tone. 

Minkyu tries to push Bobby away because he was starting to have trouble breathing but Bobby was too strong for him. 

Minkyu laughs sarcastically. “Why? You afraid your little boyfriend will find out you killed your One. True. Love?” He put emphasis on each word and righ there and then, Bobby swing his right arm, fist straight into Minkyu’s jaw making him fall down the ground. 

“Some things never do change.” Bobby says in digust. “You’re still an asshole.” He leans down to reach out for Minkyu’s shirt and twists it up again. “Don’t you fucking dare show your face in front of any of us again.” He pushes him back to the ground and turns around pulling Hanbin by the arm. 

People starts staring at them when they come back in. Bobby looking distressed and Hanbin looking frightened as fuck. Hanbin pulls his arms away from Bobby’s grip and starts smiling at the crowd looking at their direction. 

Bobby looks for a bouncer and advises him to take Minkyu away from the party. The bouncer nods and heads back. Bobby moves past Hanbin but whispers “We’re going home.” Angrily. 

Hanbin was scared and mad at the same time. He needed a lot of explaining and so he follows. Yunhyeng catches up to him and stops him from walking. “Where are you going?” Yunhyeong asks not having a single clue of what just happened. 

“Home.”

“What?! You can’t go home! It’s barely midnight!   
Hanbin nods at Bobby’s direction making Yunhyeong slightly understand. 

“You fought? Are you okay?” Yunhyeong suddenly changes into being a mom. 

Hanbin doesn’t respond but watches Bobby talk to Chanwoo trying to figure the situation out. He ignores Yunhyeong and walks towards where his boyfriend was.   
“I don’t know. Hanbin mustve met him before and invited him over knowing we were friends. I hate that fucking asshole’s gut!” Bobby complains to Chanwoo. 

“Care to explain any of this?” Hanbin interrupts the conversation. 

Bobby ignores him. 

“I gotta go. I’m sorry man. The place is great. Congrats.” He half hugs Chanwoo. “Don’t let Jinhwan know.” Chanwoo nods and Bobby walks out. 

Hanbin follows from behind and gets in the car just before Bobby. 

Bobby ignores Hanbin the whole ride home. He was infuriated. It was the first time Hanbin saw him like that. He cursed at every red light they drove into and drove as fast when the light changes color. 

When they reach home, Bobby sets the keys at the coffee table in the living area and turns quickly around to face Hanbin. 

“When did you meet him?!” He asked angrily but he was trying to keep his voice as low as he could. 

Hanbin was engraged too but he decided to just answer the questions if he wanted answers himself. 

“Before we got back together.”

“And you didn’t tell me?!” Bobby raised his voice. “I’m assuming you met after because he knew where you were tonight?!”

“We bumped into each other this morning so I invited him to the party. I thought it’d be a nice surprise to all of you!” Hanbin was nearing Bobby’s furiousness.

“It was a surprise alright!” Bobby throws his hands in frustration and walks out of the living are to the room.   
Hanbin follows. 

“What the hell is your problem?! I don’t know what the hell happened between you guys you can’t act like this is all my fault!” Hanbin exclaims. 

Bobby ignores his remarks again. “What did he tell you?!”

“Nothing.” Hanbin’s voice turned lower. 

What is it that Bobby’s so afraid of him finding out? Why did Minkyu say Bobby killed Donghyuk? Why didn’t Bobby want Jinhwan to know he was there? Why did Chanwoo look just as pissed as Bobby did after finding out Minkyu was there? What is up with this guy?

Bobby takes a few steps closer to Hanbin and looks him in the eye. “Tell me everything he told you.” He commanded. 

“I told you, he didn’t tell me anything. He was about to but then you decided that his jaw would make a good punching bag!” 

Bobby turns his back around Hanbin and locks himself in the bathroom. He punches the wall a few times until his knuckles bled and he turns his back to the wall, he sits down the floor and then he cries. He tries his best to cry unnoticed but Hanbin could hear him from outside.   
Hanbin was mad at Bobby for punching Minkyu. He was mad at Bobby for blaming him. He was mad at Bobby for ruining Yunhyeong’s night. He was mad at Bobby for being mad without giving a reason. He was mad at Bobby for not telling him. But as soon as he heard Bobby cries, he forgets about the anger and he worries. He was so worried his heart was aching. He knew knocking on the door wasn’t going to be a good idea so he gives Bobby time to simmer down. He leaves him in the bathroom without knowledge how broken Bobby’s right hand was.   
-


	11. ours

“Bub, I’m going to open the door okay?” Hanbin asks before turning the key in the doorknob. 

It’s been an hour since Bobby locked himself up and Hanbin’s anxiety was skyrocketing. He tried knocking the first 30 minutes but Bobby didn’t answer. He tried again after 30 and that’s when he started to worry. He’s never seen Bobby as mad as he was earlier that night. He didn’t know what Bobby was capable of doing.   
Bobby was seated on the bathroom floor, back leaned on the wall just right beside the door. Hanbin walks in and notices the blood on the tile wall so he leans down immediately to check for injuries. Once he takes sight of Bobby’s pretty fucked up right hand, he rushes to the cabinet to get the first aid kit and sits down on the floor in front of Bobby who was spaced out. Hanbin notices how swollen and red Bobby’s eyes were from crying but he doesn’t say anything. He fights the urge to ask. It wasn’t the right time. 

When he’s ready. He’ll talk to me when he’s ready.   
He takes Bobby’s right hand to his lap gently to check the severity of the damage. A thin portion of his skin was peeled off hence the bleeding and he was sure it was sprained having to punch a jaw and the tile wall the same night. He takes the ointment of out the first aid box and Bobby suddenly takes his broken hand to Hanbin’s face. Hanbin looks up to him and tears were already starting to form in his eyes again. Hanbin wipes the first tear that rolled into Bobby’s right cheek and with his touch, Bobby becomes vulnerable. He breaks right in front of Hanbin and he starts crying. Hanbin leans in closer to wrap Bobby in his arms and Bobby sobbed in his boyfriend’s chest uncontrollably. The cry was different. It was as if he was crying because he was begging him not to leave. 

Bobby holds unto Hanbin’s shirt and grips it tightly as he cried. 

“I’m here.” Hanbin says as he holds Bobby as if he was about to break into pieces. 

After wrapping Bobby’s hand with a bandage, Hanbin takes him to bed. Once Bobby is settled, Hanbin kisses him on the forehead and before he was able to walk away from the bed, Bobby grabs his hand. 

“Stay.” He says pleadingly. 

Hanbin gives him a faint smile and walks towards his side of the bed. He makes himself comfortable and takes Bobby in to rest on his shoulder. Bobby leaves a kiss in Hanbin’s chest and whispers, “I’m sorry.” 

“Shhh. Sleep.” Hanbin says and continues to run his fingers in Bobby’s hair gently. 

They were both left in silence until Bobby falls alseep. Hanbin makes sure twice before getting up from the bed to help himself a glass of water. 

He had no idea what was going on but somehow he feels responsible. He thinks of calling Chanwoo to ask so he walks back to the bedroom to get his phone by the bedside table. He walks back out to the living area and when he turns on the phone screen, there was a missed call and a text from an unknown number from 20 minutes ago. Just right before he tucked Bobby to bed.   
I’m at the playground right outside your building. Meet me. 

He didn’t need to think who it was. He knew it was Minkyu but he wonders he knew where he lived. He thinks about Bobby and what his reaction will be if he found out he went out to meet Minkyu again but he needed answers so before his guts tell him not to do it, he walks out of his house and proceeds to the playground. 

Minkyu had his back facing Hanbin. He running his fingers on the plastic slide he was leaning on. Once he heard footsteps, he turns around to face Hanbin.   
Hanbin stands a few feet away from him. He didn’t smile at him but he didn’t looked pleased to be there also. 

“I only came down because I have no fucking idea what’s happening so tell me.” He starts. 

Minkyu doesn’t react. He was just looking at Hanbin. He stares for a couple of seconds before Hanbin speaks again. 

“If you’re not going to say anything, I’m going back upstairs.”

“Leave him.” Minkyu says seriously. 

Hanbin scoffs and turns around to walk away. 

“He’s not who you think he is.” Minkyu says again.   
Hanbin turns back around but doesn’t say anything. 

“Did he tell you why he decided to get so drunk that night?” Minkyu asks. 

“It was a party. It was his birthday.” Hanbin says stating the obvious. 

“Is that what he told you?” Minkyu scoffs. He paces around and he lifts a finger as if he just thought of a great idea. “You know I was wondering what Bobby saw in you. I’ve known him long enough to know you’re not his type. I mean no offense, the short time i’ve known you I can tell you’re really nice. You’re also sweet and innocent. But now I understand why. Because you’re all of that.”

Hanbin was starting to feel all sorts of things but most of all he was feeling insulted. Minkyu was almost claiming Bobby only got together with him because he was stupid and easy to fool. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I was betrayed by that motherfucker too and I was his bestfriend for years.”

Hanbin wanted to run back inside the building but a part of him was holding him back. He wanted to hear what Minkyu wanted to say. 

Minkyu walks around Hanbin and stops right in front of him. “Donghyuk was going to leave Bobby and Bobby knew. That’s why he got so wasted that night. That’s why Donghyuk had to carry him out of the club and take him home. That’s why-” Minkyu’s mood had changed into anger. He couldn’t finish his sentence but Hanbin understood perfectly. “Donghyuk would’ve still been here if Bobby hadn’t acted out relentlessly that night. He deserves to feel guilty. He killed him. Donghyuk’s blood is in his hands! 

“That’s not true!” Hanbin says in defense. “It was an accident and we both know it!” 

“Did he also forget to mention that he took Donghyuk away from me?” Minkyu’s voice cracked. Talking about Donghyuk made him feel weak. 

Hanbin looked confused. 

“That’s right. Your boyfriend is a traitor. He’s selfish. He’s conceited. He knew it was his fault that’s why he left. His conscience was eating him alive. He got soooo drunk so that Donghyuk wouldn’t leave him that night. He did it so that Donghyuk wouldn’t have a choice. He’s a fucking cheater and a fucking coward!”

That was Hanbin’s qeue. He turns around and walks as fast as he can away from that playground and away from Minkyu. He rushes to the elevator and luckily, he was the only one headed upstairs because his sight has become blurry because of his tears. Once he reaches his door, he wipes his face in case Bobby had gotten up and noticed he was gone. He goes back in slowly and he jolts when he sees Bobby seated on the living room fidgeting. 

When Bobby sees him, he runs towards him and wraps him in his arms tightly. “Where were you? I was so worried I called but you weren’t answering. I’m so sorry about earlier. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I thought you left. I’m sorry.” He kisses Hanbin all around. 

“My phone was on silent.” He says still stunned at everything he just heard from Minkyu. 

Bobby pulls away and looks him in the eye. “Are you okay?” 

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I’m fine. Let’s go back to sleep.” He tries to walk past Bobby but Bobby stops him. 

“What happened? Where were you?”

“I said i’m fine!” Hanbin snaps startling the both of them. “I’m sorry.” He says immediately. “I’m sorry. It’s just… it’s been a long night.”

Bobby doesn’t push it so he just nods. He lets go of his hold and Hanbin leaves to go to the bedroom. He tucks himself in bed not even waiting for Bobby anymore and he tries to push every single thought away and just go to sleep. 

Bobby is left standing, still stunned, by the living area. He notices his phone screen on top of the coffee table light up so he walks towards it to check. He sits at the couch before reaching for his phone and he reads the message from an unknown number. 

-Good luck explaining yourself to your boyfriend. Or should I say future ex-boyfriend? He is my type. So much like Jinani. Soft, innocent, nice. Oh, the temper too.-

He grips his phone hard fighting every urge to throw it and slam it to the wall. The screen lights up again. 

-I’ll be seeing you around, my friend. ;)-

Bobby drops his phone to the carpeted floor and he runs he pulls his hair down using his left hand. 

He takes his phone again and dials 

Chanwoo picks up at the first ring. 

“He got to Hanbin. That bastard got to Hanbin.”

“I know where he’s staying.” Chanwoo says on the other line. 

“I can’t leave. I need to talk to Hanbin.”

“Okay do that. I’ll go drive to his place now.”

“Okay.” Bobby says before dropping the call. 

If it was up to the old Bobby, the Bobby before he met Hanbin, he would step out of that apartment, take a cab to the airport, and leave without looking back. He was always so good at leaving. Always so good at escaping. Always so good at running away from confrontation. And he would be lying if he didn’t think about it while he was standing there. He did. He did for a brief second and he hates himself for even thinking it. He couldn’t do it to Hanbin. He will never. 

He walks slowly towards the bedroom, heart heavy and thumping hard. Hanbin was curled up in his side of the bed, back facing the door. He walks in slowly and slips in the comforter beside him. He lets out a sigh and picks up a lot of courage before speaking. 

“Bin?” He calls out gently. 

No answer. 

“Are you up?” He was. Hanbin never slept on his side. Always on his back. 

Still no response.

“I don’t know what that – I don’t know what Minkyu told you and I totally get if you’re mad. I just want you to know my side. I can tell you… if you’d let me.” He says.

Silence. 

Bobby sighs. He’s never done this before. Not ever. Just with Hanbin. He thought the last time he needed to do this was when he needed to tell him his relationship with Donghyuk. But this was harder. It was way harder. After everything that happened that night, it was getting a little too much. The day was dragging out for so long and all he wanted to do was go to bed beside Hanbin and not think about any of it until the next day. But he couldn’t sleep knowing Hanbin was carrying a burden in him. He can’t let Hanbin go through the night feeling heavy and confused. No matter what Minkyu said, he knows it was to control Hanbin against him. Minkyu was a manipulative person. He was almost sick in the head and he wasn’t taking any of that for Hanbin.   
He gets off the bed and walks towards Hanbin’s side. He crouches down and he notices Hanbin had tears running through the bridge of his nose. He frowns and runs his thumb in his cheek. 

At that moment, all he wanted was to call Chanwoo and ask him where Minkyu lived so that he could beat the heck out of him. Hanbin didn’t have to go through this. He though he didn’t have either. But he’s done so much bad things and hurt so many people in the past that losing Donghyuk wasn’t enough of a karma to him he thought. 

Bobby leans back the bedside table and rests his arms in his knees. Hi fiddles with his fingers nervously.   
“Bin, i’m gonna be telling you a story. You mighy not want to hear it but you have to know.” He starts.   
“You don’t have to answer me or anything but i’ll tell you okay?” He starts to speak gently and delicately. He knew he wasn’t getting a response so he proceeds. “Minkyu is a friend we met a few years back. We got close. Especially us two. And then one day he told me a secret. He said he was in love with Donghyuk but he wasn’t sure if Donghyuk felt the same way. So he asked me to help him. I told him everything I knew about my friend and when he wanted to find out more, he asked me to hang out with him because he was always too shy to ask Donghyuk himself. At that time I thought I knew everything about him but as I hung out with him more, I got to see the parts of him I haven’t seen before. And slowly, I was starting to fall. But I stopped myself. I did. One of my bestest friends liked him and I couldn’t do that to him. And then a night come, we decided to drink at our dorm, just us five. Chanwoo, Jinani, Dong, and Kyu, we started drinking and playing games and when we were all tipsy, Minkyu offered to play truth or dare. He planned that and he told me he was confessing to Donghyuk theough the game and so we started playing. It took a while before it got to Minkyu’s turn Chanwoo and Jinhwan took turns and I did a dare once and when it was Donghyuk’s turn, he chose truth. Chanwoo, not at all knowing about Minkyu’s plan and feelings, asked him who he was in love with. He and Jinhwan were giggling as if they already knew the answer and the unexpected happens, he says my name. He didn’t wait for me to say anything. All he said was, “Come on, Bobby. I know you feel the same.”

“After he said that, he wrapped his arms around me but all I can think of was Minkyu. After that, the night went by so slow but when the other three finally went to bed, I got a chance to Minkyu. I apologized and I told him I wasn’t going to pursue Donghyuk but he asked me if it was true and if that I liked him. I answered him honestly but before I got to say anything else, he said that it was okay and he’ll get over it. I was young and immature so I believed him. After a little while we got together, he started pursuing Jinhwan. At first I felt doubtful about his intentions because I knew his feelings towards Dong and he never told me about Jinhwan. But then I realized maybe he didn’t tell me because of what I did to him so I didn’t meddle. It went on for years until one day, while we were together, me, Chanu, and Dong, a hospital rang our phone. They said we needed to go because Jinhwan was there and that it was an emergency. When we got there, Nani, he was beat up. You wouldn’t even recognize him. Broken ribs, nose, face. It was bad you’d think it came from a motorcycle accident but no, it came from Kyu. All those years they were together he was beating Nani up and Nani never once told us until we found him on that hospital bed. I remember walking out of the building and driving straight to Minkyu’s place. We got into a fight and he somehow got hold a a knife.” He takes Hanbin’s hand and runs his finger through his scar on his right arm. “That’s where I got it from.” Hanbin was always curious as to where the scar came from but now that he thinks about it, he never really asked.   
“He said what I was feeling wasn’t even half of what he felt that night Donghyuk confessed and he said he was going to hurt every single person I loved. We filed a case against him and a restraining order. He disappeared after that for a few more years until two years ago. He somehow managed to get together with Dong and convinced him that he’s changed and that he’s taken rehab and that he wanted to apologize to us. Dong, the sweet guy that he was, believed him and invited him over to my birthday party thinking it was a nice way to reunite. When Dong told me during the party, we got into a fight and I couldn’t tell him why I couldn’t have Minkyu around any of them. And I don’t know, he must’ve told Minkyu about how petty I was and that we fought because somehow, on that crazy mind of his, thought we were going to break up that night. I tried to ignore Minkyu and Dong and went on through the night. Good thing there were so many people Chanwoo and Jinhwan was too occupied to notice Minkyu was there. I got so drunk and you know what happened next.” 

Bobby hasn’t been reminded of this since it happened. He swore he would never look back but opening this up now makes him realize how wrong he was before and that a part of him now understands where Minkyu was coming from. But it doesn’t give him reason to hurt the people around him especially that nobody knew the things they knew. 

“Chanwoo, Dong, and Jinani, they didn’t know about Minkyu’s feelings towards Dong. They didn’t know what Minkyu’s intentions were when he pursued Jinhwan. They still don’t know now. Only Chanwoo knows. I couldn’t get myself to tell Jinhwan.”

“But you could get yourself to face him everyday after everything?” Hanbin asks with so much hatred. 

Bobby looks at him feeling small and ashamed. He looks back down and plays with his fingers. 

“Can we continue tomorrow? I want to sleep.” Hanbin says blandly. He didn’t mean to be mean. He didn’t want to. But he can’t help himself. He felt like he was let down in a way and it somehow it made him indignant.   
Bobby looks back up and nods willingly. But before he stands up, he whispers, “I’ll make things right, Bin. I love you, you know that right?” When he knew he wasn’t going to get a response, he gets up and leaves a kiss on Hanbin’s head before leaving the room.

-

“What are you doing here so early?” Yunhyeong asks eyes barely open. 

Hanbin got up before Bobby did who slept in the living room. He didn’t need to because he wouldn’t have mind him sleeping beside him but he must’ve seem so bitter last night Bobby had the need to sleep outside. He pushes the door open letting himself in. He proceeds to the kitchen to make coffee for the both of them. He needed it. 

“What happened?” Yunhyeong asks still not being able to process the fact that he had a visitor in his home at 5am. 

“Am I stupid? Am I easy to fool? Am I innocent?” Hanbin asks hurriedly. 

“What? What are you saying? What’s this about?”  
“Just answer the question!”

Yunhyeong shakes his head. “You’re one of the smartest people I know and I know I never admitted that to you but you’re scaring me right now so yeah.”

“What do you think of Bobby?”

“What?! Look i’m so confused you woke me up to ask me questions you already know the answers to?”  
Hanbin bows his head realizing how pathetic he must look. He slumps in one of the dining chairs amd stirs his cup of coffee. 

“Now, are we gonna be adults about this or are we going to continue that question game of yours because I have two hours left to sleep and i’m not wasting those hours listening to you whine.”

“Bobby told me he loved me last night and I couldn’t say it back.”

“Why? It’s not like you haven’t said it before.”

“Exactly my point.”

“Hanbinnie, stop beating around the bush and tell me everything because i’m having a hard time playing catch up here and my brain isn’t really functioning well right now I mean…” He points at the huge glass window in the living area. “Sun’s not even out yet.”

Yunhyeong takes a seat across from Hanbin and takes his cup of coffee. 

“I’m sorry I left your party.” Hanbin starts. “I shouldn’t have last night was important to you. I just wanted to say sorry before anything else.” 

“Apology accepted.” Yunhyeong says sincerely and waits for him to explain why he was really there.

“I’m just… i’m so mad. I’m hurt. A huge part of Bobby’s past has been laid down on me last night all at once and I’m having a hard time handling everything. I feel bad for Bobby. He slept in the living room for god’s sake! But I can’t help myself. I’m annoyed and pissed and somehow infuriated.”

“You are aware those three words have the same meaning right?” Yungyeong mocks his use of adjectives.

“Focus will you?!”

Yunhyeong laughs. “What are you mad about? The fact that he hasn’t told you this part of him yet?”

“Yeah, that! And all the lying!”

“What did he lie about?” 

“Okay, there’s this guy Minkyu. I bumped into him and I recognized him from Donghyuk’s photos. He’s Bobby’s friend from the past. Chanwoo and Jinan’s too. Apparently he was in love with Dong and Dong was in love with Bobby and Bobby knew Minkyu was in love with Dong but Bobby still went out with Dong which made Minkyu mad and then he went out with Jinhwan but only to use him for revenge and he was beating him up physically and hurting him to the point he was brought to the hospital and all because he was taking revenge on Bobby and Bobby haven’t told Jinhwan about it and now this Minkyu guy is here and it’s pissing Bobby off because he’s scared he might tell me about his past and he did but it turns out it wasn’t really true, Minkyu was somehow making things up what I hate rhe most is thag Bobby only told me all this because Minkyu showed up but if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have!”

“Did you ask?”

“Huh?”

“Did you ask him about this? You said you recognized Minkyu. Did you ask about him before all of this happened?”

“Well… no. I didn’t have a chance to –”

“Who do you believe more? Bobby or Minkyu?”

“Bobby, of course!”

“Then why are you so mad?” Yunhyeong wasn’t seeing the point of Hanbin’s anger. 

“He lied! He lied to me, he’s lying to Jinhwan!”

“He didn’t lie to you. He told you everything the moment he felt he needed to. And if he’s lying to Jinhwan, that’s between them. I’m sure he has a good reason why.”

“He only told me because he got caught! Why are you defending him?!”

“You were the one who said Minkyu was never brought up in your conversations. You said he’s an old friend, there’s a posibility Bobby doesn’t think of him anymore. So does his other friends. This is the first time i’m hearing about this guy and i’m with them 24/7. Bobby told you immediately. He told you everything you needed to know. And maybe even the things you didn’t need to know. And next time you want to know something, ask. As I know Bobby, he’s not capable of lying to you if he knows he’s going to hurt you. If Bobby doesn’t tell you, that’s when you get mad. But not in this situation because as I can see it, you’re mad because you can’t stand the fact that there’s something about Bobby you didn’t know about and you weren’t ready when it was all laid out to you. I feel bad for knowing all of because it doesn’t concern me and this probably is a serious thing between Bobby and his friends. It should stay like that.”

Hanbin was confused with Yunhyeong’s reaction. He was expecting him to be mad at Bobby like he was.   
“Look, Kim Hanbin, i’m not saying you’re being overly dramatic. You’re allowed to feel what you feel. I’m just saying that while you feel those things, do something about it instead of whining. Communication solves everything. Talk to Bobby. Ask him questions. Make him make you understand. I’m pretty sure there’s a good reason he didn’t bring it up voluntarily. But if he doesn’t have one, that’s when you lash out. Okay?”

Hanbin doesn’t respond but continues to stir his coffee.   
“You’re such a baby. Relationships aren’t always rainbows and butterflies. I know the both of you have been through a lot but I know it’s nothing you guys can’t handle together.”

Together. Us two. 

“I think i’m done here. If you want to sleep, sleep beside me cause i’m dead tired and I have to open the café in a few hours.” Yunhyeong gets up and leaves the kitchen to go back to bed. 

“Why do I have a feeling you just told me all those stuff just so you can go back to sleep?” Hanbin calls out.   
“Maybe I did!” Yunhyeong waves him off. 

He knows he didn’t. Yunhyeong doesn’t speak when he knows he doesn’t have a point. 

“Why is he always right?” Hanbin whispers to himself.   
-

Hanbin needed time to think things through so he decided to go for a walk before coming back home. After a few hours, he comes home to an empty apartment. He takes his phone to check if Bobby had texted him but he hasn’t. He tries calling Bobby’s phone and a phone by the bedside table vibrates. Bobby must’ve stepped out to get breakfast or something.   
He lies in bed thinking everything through again but he can’t get himself to stop being mad. He still was but even though he was, this time, he was ready to listen more of what Bobby had to say. He waits for Bobby to come home until he falls asleep. 

He wakes up to a couple of voices from the dining are talking. He recognizes Bobby’s voice, Chanwoo’s too. But there was one he couldn’t recognize. He gets up and checks the clock by the bedside table. It was close to 1 in the afternoon. He has been asleep for 6 hours. He notices Bobby’s phone was still charging. So he thinks he probably doesn’t know he was home. 

He walks to the bathroom to take a warm shower and when he steps back out, Bobby was unplugging his phone that’s been overcharged for hours. 

“Hey.” He calls. 

Bobby jumps. “Bin! I didn’t know you were home. When did you..?”

“You were gone when I came home and I fell asleep waiting. I just woke up now before I showered.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m sorry my phone was dead so I charged it and forgot to bring it before I went out.”

Hanbin was standing awkwardly in front of him with a towel draped around his waist. “So… where were you? And there are people outside?”

“Oh yeah. Uhm, I went to the house to talk to Jinhwan. It got bad but Chanwoo said I just had to give him time. We were supposed to meet our lawyer in the house but it would make Jinhwan uncomfortable so we’re here. I hope it’s okay.”

“Yeah, of course. Uhm, Jinhwan’s mad huh?”  
Bobby looks down and nods. “Yeah. He has every right to.”

“He does.” Hanbin says not making the situation any better but it was true. If there was anyone who deserved to feel bad, it was him. “Will he be okay alone, though?”

“Junhoe’s there.”

“He’s in good hands.”

Bobby nods. 

“I’m still mad at you.”

“I know.” Bobby says. 

“But I know I shouldn’t be mad at you. I have no reason to be mad. But I am.”

“It’s okay. You can stay mad as long as you want. I can wait.”

“I want to know. Can you tell me the rest of it? Your story from last night?”

Bobby smiles faintly and nods. “There’s just a file they need from my phone. Get changed i’ll be back in a jiff.”  
Hanbin nods and moves to the closet to change. Bobby comes back after a few seconds and sits at the edge of the bed waiting for Hanbin to finish. 

Hanbin sits on top of the bed and crosses his legs. Bobby turns to face him and does the same. They sit, legs crossed, facing each other. 

Hanbin stares at Bobby and realizes how tired he looked. Yesterday felt like a week and to think Bobby only slep a few hours, he was starting to feel bad and he was starting to realize everything Yunhyeong said.   
“Why was he here? What does he want from me?”

“He wants you.” Bobby says bluntly. 

“Why? He knows we’re together?”

“That’s exactly why.”

“He really thought i’d leave you for him?”

“He can be really convincing at times. He’s really charming too.”

Hanbin shakes his head. 

“He got you to talk to him the first time you met. You never talk to strangers. Especially when you’re alone.” Bobby says. 

“Only because I recognized him from the photos.”

“Even though.” Bobby says and somehow, Hanbin agrees. The fact that he agreed to give his number and inviting him over to a party after bumping into him on the streets the second time they met, it was something he didn’t normally do.

“Bub, I never would’ve –“

Bobby takes Hanbin’s hand. “I know.” He lies. In fact he was scared. Hanbin was capable of leaving him anytime. Especially after his stunt last night. 

“Do you?” Hanbin asks seriously. 

Bobby shakes his head in defeat. “But if I have to bed for you not to leave me I would.”

“You could be a pain in the ass but i’ll never leave you. Never. You have my word on that.”

Bobby leans in closer until their lips lock. It was a soft gentle kiss but it made up for the fight they had the night before. Bobby pulls away but before he does fully, Hanbin takes his face with his cold hands. 

“I love you too.” He says responding to Bobby’s show of affection last night. Bobby understands and leaves a kiss on his lips before sitting up straight again. 

“I thought you’d hate me for what I did before. To Minkyu, to Jinhwan, and Dong. I never got the chance to tell Dong about who Minkyu really is. I didn’t have a chance to apologize for lashing out on him that night. He didn’t know why I got so mad. He’ll never know why.” Bobby says bitterly. “I was such a bad person wasn’t I?”

“Was. You’re not so bad now.” Hanbin smiles. “I’m sorry about last night.”

“Hey, no. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry it had to come to this.”

Hanbin shakes his head. “I didn’t ask. You would’ve told me if I asked but I didn’t. and I got mad because you didn’t tell me but how when it never came up. You were right? I met Minkyu days before yesterday and I never told you. I should’ve. It just.. it slipped my mind I guess. I’m sorry.”

Bobby takes Hanbin’s face in his hands and Hanbin leans on it. 

“I needed to go to Yunhyeong to realize all that.” He explains. “We’re going to have a lot more fights in the future and i’m gonna need help to realize what i’m doing wrong. Be patient with me.”

Bobby laughs and nods. “How is it that this grown ass beautiful man in front of me who writes about love and relationships and makes poems and gives advices, is a kid inside. How?”

“I did tell you I was didficult to love.” 

“Nope. You make it easier for me everyday. You’re really interesting, Kim Hanbin. I don’t think i’ll ever be bored with you.” 

“I got mad because I started thinking I wasn’t worthy enough to be told the truth.”

Progress, Bobby thought. He got mad instead of feeling bad for himself. That meant he felt like he deserved to be told the truth but wasn’t. Building Hanbin’s self-esteem was hard work and last night was a huge step back for Bobby. But to see him change in a span of weeks even just for a tiny bit, Bobby knew he had a chance and even though mistakes were going to be inevitable as they go along, he was ready to go the extra mile. 

Bobby was smiling at what Hanbin just said. 

“You’re creeping me out.” Hanbin says. 

“You’re cute and I love you. I love you so damn much i’d kill a person for you but i’m not going to do that because that means i’ll go to jail and won’t be able to sleep beside you ever again. Now, do you want to step oustide of this room for me and attend the meeting we’re having with our lawyer?”

“You sure you want me there? I mean it’s between you and your friends. I don’t want to meddle.”

“Our friends. Ours.”

Hanbin smiles and nods. “Ours.”


	12. lose. losing. lost.

“Plane tickets back to Japan for tonight. It’s either you leave or you go to jail.” Bobby states as he dropped the plane tickets on top of the table across from Minkyu.

Minkyu doesn’t flinch from his seat. He sat there staring at Bobby without breaking eye contact even for a second.

Bobby had his lawyer inform Minkyu’s boss about the situation and was able to set up a meeting in their workplace to discuss.

“Jail? Don’t you think you’re reaching?” Minkyu laughs.

“Physical assault or attempted murder. You pick.” Bobby says.

Minkyu stands up from the other side of the table and pushes his seat in. He turns around to face Bobby, Chanwoo, and their lawyer and scoffs. “Last time I checked, I’m the one who owes you a black eye.” He says to Bobby.

Chanwoo takes a brown envelop from their lawyer’s hand and throws it on the table making it land just in front of Minkyu. Minkyu opens the folder and takes out the files one by one. It was photos of Jinhwan’s scars and bruises every time he was beaten up by Minkyu. Jinhwan took photos secretly and had kept it all this time.

“This should’ve been done two years ago but lucky you, Jinwan didn’t want you behind bars. But we do. If you don’t leave, behind bars is exactly where you’re going to be.” Chanwoo says angrily.

Minkyu loosens his tie and takes a deep breath. He stares at the photos in front of him and the plane tickets by it.

“Be gone by tonight or go to jail. Your choice, friend.” Bobby says and they move out of the meeting room. Their lawyer goes out first followed by Chanwoo. Before Bobby was out the room completely, he looks back at Minkyu and says one more thing. “And don’t even think of escaping. We have people at the airport expecting you.”

“This isn’t the end, Bobby.” Minkyu says humiliated.

“I think it is.” Bobby says and leaves Minkyu alone in the room.

_

Hanbin decided to surprise Bobby with a homecooked meal instead of eating out. He went out to the grocery to buy the ingredients for the very first kimchi stew and bibimbap he was going to make but had ramen packets ready in case it all went downhill. There’s nothing ramen powder couldn’t fix.  
He slices vegetables as we followed instructions on Youtube when the doorbell rings. He pauses his computer and washes his hand quickly to go check who it was.  
“What are you doing here?” He asks as he takes a step back inside the house after opening the door.

Minkyu was standing right in front of him.

“I mean no harm. I’m leaving tonight. I just wanted to apologize.” Minkyu says.

“I don’t believe you.” Hanbin says.

“I know. I’m sorry.” He takes out a notebook from his bag and hands it out to Hanbin. “I just thought you should have this.”

“What’s that?” Hanbin asks.

“He’s not who you think he is, Hanbin. Bobby, he’s not the nice, kind, perfect, loving person you think you know.”

“What makes you think I’d believe you over Bobby?” Hanbin asks unbelieving of what Minkyu was trying to do.

“You’re right. But here.” He tries to hand out the notebook again and Hanbin finally takes it. “It’s up to you to decide. Just… don’t say I didn’t warn you. Good bye, Hanbin. Take care of yourself.” Minkyu says and leaves.

Hanbin stands by his door until Minkyu is gone completely. He closes the door, double locks it and proceeds back inside.

He stares at the notebook and there were random words and doodles written all over the front page in Bobby’s handwriting. It must be one of Bobby’s notebooks for his lyrics. But he wondered how Minkyu got a hold of it.

He walks inside his bedroom and takes the notebook to his desk. He places it on top and stares at it for a second. A part of him is telling him not to open it but, as usual, curiosity gets to him, so he does.

“God, don’t you think this is too bad of a joke  
I’d rather love a total stranger than a person my baby lies within,  
I’m not complaining, nope  
But if it’s not 100% him, then I’d rather don’t”

 

“How can I love when I’m not done loving you”

 

“You should’ve taken me with you  
I can’t take this life with just a replica of you  
It’s you, you, you  
It will forever be you, you, you”

 

“Maybe I’ll give in  
Maybe it won’t be so bad  
Maybe I’ll miss you less  
Maybe I’ll be loved too  
But baby, believe me, I’ll never love like I did you”

Hanbin starts to smell something burning so he closes the notebook and hides it under his clothes on his bottom drawer. He rushes out to the kitchen and turns off the stove quickly. He takes the stockpot and shoves it in the sink strongly making the boiling soup splash all over his hand. He screams and runs to the bathroom inside the bedroom and runs cold water on it. He sits by the tub with his hand held out for the water to reach and that’s when he starts crying.

A couple minutes later, he hears someone typing in the passcode to his house. He immediately stops crying and wipes away the tears and turns off the water. He looks at himself in the mirror and splashes water on his face to try to lessen the redness on his eyes. He rushes out to the kitchen to clean up the mess before Bobby sees it but Bobby was already running towards their bedroom from the kitchen when he gets to the door.

“What happened?! Are you okay?!” Bobby asks worriedly.

Hanbin hides his burnt hand from behind and nods. “Yeah. Uhm, I messed up the stew. I’ll clean it up I’m sorry.” He rushes past Bobby but Bobby takes his hand pulling him back making him scream in pain.

Tears were forming in Hanbin’s eyes but he still tried to keep calm and go unnoticed.  
“God, Bin!! What happened?!” Bobby raises Hanbin’s burnt hand.

“Nothing. I’m fine.” He tries to move past Bobby again.

“I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“I said I’m fine!” Hanbin screams.

“The fucking stew on our kitchen floor is still fucking hot. If you burnt yourself with that, you need to be brought to the hospital!” Bobby insisted and Hanbin starts sobbing.  
“I’m fine I just need ice.” He cries.

“No!” Bobby unties Hanbin’s apron from behind and pushes him out of the house slowly.

He drives to the nearest hospital and rushes his boyfriend to the emergency room. Good thing there wasn’t that much people in, a nurse was able to assist them immediately.  
Hanbin was injected a strong pain reliever and a very cold ointment was spread out his left hand by the nurse. Good thing the damage was only on the left hand.

Hanbin has stopped crying before they arrived at the hospital but they haven’t said a word to each other during the drive.

Bobby, obviously upset and worried sick at what just happened.

Hanbin, doesn’t understand what hurt more. His hand or his heart.

After the treatment, a nurse had Hanbin sit by one of the beds while a doctor gave Bobby prescription of medicines to buy.

“The nurse says there’s a pharmacy at the end of the hall. I’ll just buy the things we need. Stay here okay?” Bobby says as gently as he can.

Hanbin looks him in the eye and nods.

Bobby leaves a soft peck on Hanbin’s lips and runs to the pharmacy.

Hanbin sat there and stared at space until Bobby came back.

Bobby assists him off the bed and into the car out the parking lot. Before he opens the passenger door for Hanbin, he stands in front of him and grabs Hanbin’s face with both his hands.

“I’m sorry about screaming at you earlier. I got so worried. I tried cleaning up the kitchen but the stew was still burning hot. And the way you screamed, it seemed like it hurt a lot. I’m sorry.” He says looking very apologetically.

Hanbin fakes a smile and nods. “It’s fine.” He says blankly. “I’m sorry for ruining dinner.”

Bobby pulls him in and wraps his arms around Hanbin. He rubs the back of his head and kisses the side. “Can you feel my heart? It’s still beating really fast. You scared me, Bin.”

Hanbin doesn’t respond to his statement but says, “My head feels like it’s about to explode. It’s probably because of how strong the pain reliever is.”

Bobby pulls away and kisses Hanbin’s forehead. “Let’s get you home.”

Hanbin pretended to sleep on the car on the drive home so that he didn’t need to communicate. He wasn’t in the mood to.

When they reach the house, he goes straight to the bedroom and tucks himself in.

Bobby follows after cleaning up the mess on the kitchen. Hanbin was lying on his side so he knew he wasn’t asleep.

“Bin, you hungry? I’ll make you food. The doctor said you need to eat something because the drug’s going to give you acid reflux.”  
Hanbin doesn’t respond.

“Are you mad?” Bobby asked sadly.

Still no response.

“I’ll be out the kitchen okay? Call me if you need me. Try to get some rest.” He kissed the top of Hanbin’s head and stands up.

“Can you shut the curtains? The lights too?” Hanbin calls out.

“Of course.”

Bobby leaves Hanbin in the dark room as he starts to make dinner.

It was the first time Hanbin had hurt himself and he admits he acted poorly. He got carried away by being so worried.  
After making dinner, he peeks through the room and sees Hanbin sleeping. He could tell because he was now lying down upwards. He closes the door still feeling bad. He moves to the living room and checks the time. It’s only been an hour since they left the hospital. He sets alarms on his phone every four hours cause that’s when the pain reliever would wear out and Hanbin would need to take a new set.

-

Bobby wakes up to the sound of his alarm. He didn’t realize he fell asleep on the couch. He gets up and perks through through the room but Hanbin wasn’t in bed anymore. He walks in and checks the bathroom but he wasn’t there either.

He walks out the room and into the kitchen and finds Hanbin heating up a bowl of the fried race he made from earlier.

“Hey.” He calls softly from behind. “I could’ve heated it up for you why didn’t you wake me?”

Hanbin turns his head to acknowledge Bobby and turns his attention back to the microwave immediately.

Bobby hugs him from behind and leans his chin on Hanbin’s shoulder. He wraps his arms around Hanbin’s skinny torso tightly. He kisses his neck and whispers, “I’m sorry.”

Hanbin forces a smile and nods. “It’s okay.”

Bobby turns Hanbin around to face him making him lean his back to the counter behind him. “You can’t still be mad about earlier?”

“I’m not. It’s fine.” Hanbin says trying his best not to sound annoyed.

“Bin? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Come on, Bin? Are we hiding secrets from each other now?”

Hanbin shrugs. “I don’t know. Are we?” He asks sarcastically.

Bobby was now sure how Hanbin was acting didn’t have anything to do with the stew incident.

“Hey, what is it? Tell me.” Bobby commands.

“I have nothing to say.”

Bobby drops his head down in defeat. He nods and gives up. Hanbin was obviously not going to say anything yet.

“When you’re ready.” He informs Hanbin calmly.

He takes Hanbin and assists him to the dining table. Hanbin takes a seat as Bobby prepared his meal. He took out kimchi from the fridge and placed a small serving on one of the small bowls. He places them in front of Hanbin and pours him water. He takes the pills he bought from the hospital earlier and places them on a saucer. The microwave dings and he takes out the kimchi fried rice. He places it on the placemat in front of Hanbin and mixes it well. He blows the steam away so that it won’t be too hot for Hanbin to eat.  
“It’s okay. I can manage.” Hanbin says and takes the spoon from Bobby. Bobby, being his patient self, smiles and kisses the top of Hanbin’s head softly.

He heats himself some of the fried rice and sat across Hanbin watching him eat. He looks at Hanbin’s injured arm resting on top of the dinner table and remembers he had to put ointment on it too. He rushes to the fridge and takes the ointment out and he sits beside Hanbin.

“I have to put this on your hand. It might sting. Tell me if i’m pressing too hard.”

Hanbin doesn’t look at him but nods. He continues to eat as Bobby spread the cold ointment on Hanbin’s burn. And to Hanbin’s surprise, he didn’t feel anything. It didn’t hurt nor did it sting.

After Bobby was finished, he places the ointment back in the fridge for it needed to be kept cold and he washes his hand.

He takes his food out from the microwave and just when he was about to take a seat, Hanbin had just taken his pills and stands up from the dining table.

He places his plate and attempts to wash them but Bobby stops him.

“Don’t bother, i’ll do it.” He says.

Hanbin doesn’t look back at Bobby and walks out of the kitchen. “I’m going back to bed.” He calls out.

Bobby releases a deep sigh and takes a spoon full of rice in his mouth. He pushes the food away as he just lost his appetite.

He rubs his face with his hands thinking what could’ve gone wrong again and he sits there at the dining room for an hour before he decides to go to bed.

-

It’s been 9 days since the kitchen incident and this was the first time Hanbin had spoken a decent conversation with Bobby. Hanbin asked Bobby questions he was supposed to know the answers ti since they were in a relationship and they lived together but Bobby didn’t mind answering them. It was nice talking to Hanbin without the conversation ending in a fight.

It was Jinhwan’s birthday party and Junhoe gathered everyone for a small surprise dinner for him at Jinhwan’s place. There had alcohol and they played games and after all the chaos, Hanbin sat beside Bobby who was resting on his sofa he hasn’t lied down in for a while for he hasn’t been going home to his place.

“You miss it here?” Hanbin asked as he sat close to Bobby. He noticed Bobby was gone from the dining table and excused himself from his friends to look for him.

Bobby, a little bit surprised, tried to keep it cool. He didn’t want to jinx his luck that night. He doesn’t budge but he turns his head to face Hanbin. “I almost forgot how comfy this sofa was.” He smiles and Hanbin laughs a bit.

“Want us to spend the night here? You still have a room right?”

Bobby laughs and nods. “Yeah.”

“Let’s spend the night here then.”

“If you don’t mind.” Bobby smiles and Hanbin shakes his head.

He looked good today. He didn’t look sad or stressed. Bobby stared at his boyfriend for a while.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Hanbin asked.

Bobby purses his lips into a curved line and looks back up the ceiling. “Nothing. I just missed you.”

Hanbin moves closer to Bobby and kisses Bobby on the lips taking him by surprise. He looks at Hanbin in the eye and he looked like he really wanted to so he crashes his lips back to Hanbin’s and he takes him in deep.

Bobby showed Hanbin how much he missed him through his kisses and Hanbin did the same. Hanbin moved on top of Bobby straddling him as their kisses got more intense.  
Hanbin starts to release soft moans so Bobby lifts him up and carries Hanbin up his room forgetting about their friends in the dining area.

🔞

He locks the room behind him and takes Hanbin to the bed. He unbuttons his shirt, eyes with so much intensity, locked with Hanbin’s, and leaves it to fall on the floor. He unbuckles his belt and steps out from his pants and boxers before moving towards Hanbin.

He unbuttons Hanbin’s shirt and Hanbin lifts himself up from the bed to take off completely.

Bobby presses his lips to Hanbin’s and Hanbin twirls his tongue against his. He wanted this as much as Bobby did.

Bobby dragged down his kisses from Hanbin’s face, to his neck, and down his abs.

Hanbin tilted his head as Bobby left wet kisses around his body. Bobby unbuckles his pants slowly and pulls it off from him exposing Hanbin’s long, hard member.  
Bobby reaches for the lube from his bedside drawer and squeezes an ample amount on his fingers. He lifts Hanbin up and turns him to face the bed. He lifts Hanbin’s waist up and rubs his hole with his wet fingers as he rubbed his hard on with his other hand.

Once Hanbin was ready, he enters him slowly and then pulls out just until the tip of his cock was left. His thrusts start slow as he finds his pace and once he does, he rocks onto Hanbin aggressively.

Hanbin’s face was smashed in a pillow as Bobby thrust his cock in and out of Hanbin’s behind. He rubbed Hanbin’s hard on as he worked himself in him until they both came at the same time.

Bobby groans and leaves a bite mark on Hanbin’s shoulder and Hanbin stretches his neck to the other side giving Bobby access to it. Bobby pulls Hanbin up until his back touched his body without pulling his hard on from Hanbin. He left kisses on Hanbin’s neck and Hanbin released moans at every kiss. Bobby grabs Hanbin by the neck and turns his head to face him. “I love you.” He whispers and kisses his lips. “And I missed you so fucking much.” He says before pressing his lips against his again. He twirls his tongue inside Hanbin’s ears and whispers. “I’m not done with you yet.” Before biting the lobe. He starts rocking from behind again this time slowly and passionately.

After they come the second time, Bobby lies down on his bed and Hanbin rests on his bare chest.

They stay there a couple minutes no one daring to say a word because they didn’t want to ruin the moment. Hanbin swirled circles on Hanbin’s chest and leaves a random kiss before resting his head on top of it again.

“I love and missed you too.” Hanbin whispers and Bobby smiles. He kisses the top of Hanbin’s head and says, “Come here.” Pulling him up so that he’s able to hold him closer and Hanbin’s able to wrap his arm around his boyfriends bare body.

“I’m sleepy.” Hanbin whispers.

Bobby reaches for Hanbin’s lips and kisses him good night. “Sleep tight, my love.”

Bobby wakes up alone in bed the morning after. He searches the bathroom and the whole house but he doesn’t see any sign if Hanbin.

He takes his phone from the pocket of his jeans that was left on the floor to try and call and sees a message from Hanbin.

"left early. meeting jennie."

Bobby was expecting they would finally be able to talk that morning. It was so good the night before only to wake up and realize it was a fleeting moment. If only he knew, he would’ve held onto him more tightly.

He missed Hanbin. He longed for him. He was there physically but that was it. He hasn’t talked to him and when he asked, he’d grow to be in a bad mood and they’d end up in a fight. Bobby has no idea what he’s done but he always ends up apologizing. Hanbin forgives him easily and they were back to the “yes’s” and the “okay’s”. Every day he’s unable to fix it feels like a step away from Hanbin’s heart. They’ve grown so distant the past days.

Hanbin’s changed. It wasn’t him to leave texts when he had somewhere to be in the morning before Bobby woke up. Bobby would always wake up to a handwritten note.  
Bobby’s patience were starting to wear out. But every time he realizes this, he remembers what Hanbin told him and his promise.

That Hanbin was a very difficult person to love and that it’s be unbearable sometimes. He promised to love Hanbin more on his dark days. And that’s what he was going to do.

-

“Hey, I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” Yunhyeong checks his watch. “Especially at this hour. What’s up?” He asks.

It’s been two months since the burnt hand incident. Bobby still has gotten nothing out of Hanbin. Their fights have becoming more frequent. Hanbin avoided Bobby as much as he could. He was cold and was just not there. Sometimes physically. Most times mentally and emotionally.

Bobby leans on the counter as Yunhyeong continued to brew his first batch for the day.

The shop had just opened and there were only two table occupied. Some of Yunhyeong’s workers haven’t even arrived yet except for the one in charge of the counter.

“I’m sorry for bothering you this early but I need help with something.” Bobby explains.

“Iced or hot?” Yunhyeong asked Bobby

“Iced please.”

“Don’t you mean someone.” Yunhyeong states the obvious.

“Someone.” Bobby says.

Yunhyeong hands Bobby his iced americano. “Wait for me at the office i’ll just make my customers toast.” He says and Bobby follows.

He walks in a few minutes later while Bobby played with the figurines on top of his desk.

“What’s wrong?” Yunhyeong asked as he sat on his chair across from Bobby.

“I’m losing him, Yun.” Bobby says as he twirls the straw around his cup.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know if you noticed or if Hanbin has mentioned anything. But remember the time I brought him to the hospital because he burnt his hand? I was so worried he was mad at me for shouting at him cause I was panicking. Ever since that night, Hanbin hasn’t been the same. He’s cold to me. He’s always not home but if he is, he’s either asleep or working. Every time I ask him what the problem is, he gets mad and we get into a fight. I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

“But that was months ago?” Yunhyeong raises his brow in confusion.

“Exactly.” Bobby says.

“Weird. Hanbin hasn’t mentioned anything. And he’s here most of the time. And you guys seem to be alright when we hang out.”

“We’re not. He knows it. I know it. The problem is that I wanna fix it but he doesn’t. He’s not telling me shit. I don’t know what to do cause I don’t know what I did wrong. I don’t know what i’m doing wrong. I’ve been so patient with him but i’m starting to lose it. I miss him, Yun. I miss the old him and I can’t find him anywhere.” Bobby states out his frustrations honestly.

Yunhyeong takes a deep breath. He had no clue that was happening and Bobby wouldn’t have come to him if it wasn’t that serious.

“Do you want me to talk to him?” Yunhyeong asks Bobby.

Bobby shakes his head. “He’ll probably just get mad i’m telling you problems about us when he clearly hasn’t and we’ll end up fighting again. I don’t like fighting with him Yunhyeongie.” Bobby looked beat.

Yunhyeong takes Bobby’s hand and squeezes it. “Hanbin could be really hard at times. But if you continue to spoil him and let him take over the situation, it’s gonna take you years stuck in it. Take over. Demand to talk. Get mad even just for once. I know you promised you’d be patient with him. You’ve been patient long enough and Hanbin knows that. He’ll give in. Take control.”

Bobby grips Yunhyeong’s hand and nods. “I’m so scared i’ll lose him if I do.”

“You won’t. No one’s losing anyone. Okay?”

Bobby nods.

One of the barista’s knock on Yunhyeong’s door asking for help at the bar distracting them both.

“I’ll be right out.” Yunhyeong responds. “Stay. I’ll make you breakfast.” He tells Bobby.

“Bin’s gonna be up soon. I’ll get croissants to go instead.” Bobby informs him.

Yunhyeong prepares pastries for his friends and Bobby drives home nervously hoping Yunhyeong’s advice would work.

-

When Bobby gets back to Hanbin’s apartment, it was empty. Hanbin had already left.

He leaves the paper bag Yunhyeong had packed for him on top of the kitchen counter and he sits on the floor. He bangs his head on the kitchen cabinets behind him as he cried. He cried because he missed Hanbin. He cried because it’s been two months yet he still hasn’t found a way for Hanbin to talk to him. He cried because he never got the chance to do what Yunhyeong told him to do. He cried because he was tired. He cried because he was helpless. He cried because he was starting to feel hopeless.

-

Another week has passed but this time, differently than the past 8 weeks. Hanbin would come home to an empty apartment and would wake up at 2 in the morning when Bobby comes home drunk.

Saturday comes, Hanbin decided to work at home since Bobby was already out of the house the moment he woke up. His doorbell rings and an unfamiliar guy flashed on the screen asking for help. He opens the door and the guy was struggling to pull a very drunk Bobby up from the floor.

“He’s been drinking since this morning. He got into a fight with another customer from our restaurant. He’s still kind of bleeding from his mouth I think you should put ice on it. I’m sorry for the disturbance.” The guy said and left Hanbin all alone to carry Bobby inside the apartment.

Hanbin crouches down to meet Bobby and tries to shake him so that he’d wake up.

“Bobby, wake up. I can’t carry you in you’re heavy.” He says before he even tries.

Bobby waddles his head from left to right. He lifts his head up and opens his eyes. He smiles wide as soon as he sees Hanbin in front of him.

“You’re cute.” He says and he goes back to sleep.

Hanbin pulls him up from the ground and lifts his arm. He wraps it around his neck and carries him inside the house. As he walked him towards the room, Bobby starts throwing up on the floor making a mess.

“Oops. I’m sorry.” He says and throws up a little bit more.

Hanbin groans disgustedly. “Bobby!! Ugghhh!!” He skips a step dragging Bobby along with him and walks him straight to the bathroom. He takes all of his clothes off and takes him inside the shower. He turns on the hot water and Bobby sits on the ground where the water fell.

Hanbin leaves him for a bit to clean up the mess on the living room and goes back to the bathroom to give him a bath.

Bobby, slightly awake, watches Hanbin as he dried him up. Once Bobby’s all dried up, he makes him sit at the toilet. He takes Bobby’s toothbrush and helps him brush his teeth.  
Bobby looked at his boyfriend in front of him. He was mad he could tell.

When Hanbin notices Bobby was awake, he starts to talk.

“This is so unlike you to be drinking every day. You’ve been coming home drunk for a week now. Your boss has called me thrice this week to ask where you were because you haven’t been showing up to the company. Who are you? Where even is your mind these days?” Hanbin states angrily.

Bobby shrugs as he struggled to brush his teeth. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s with my boyfriend. I haven’t seen him in a while too.”

“You think this is funny? Do you realize how much I hate you right now? I have a deadline to meet in the morning yet here I am brushing your teeth for you!”

“You can’t hate a person you don’t love.” Bobby states as clearly as he can.

Hanbin stops. He meets Bobby’s eyes and he sees how sad it looked. He takes the toothbrush out from Bobby’s mouth and shoves it to his hand. He walks out the bathroom to get Bobby fresh clothes from the closet.

Bobby stands up from the toilet and finishes brushing his teeth. He walks out the bathroom to follow Hanbin.

Bobby sits at the edge of the bed as Hanbin places his clothes on top.

“It’s true isn’t it? You don’t love me anymore?” Bobby asks.

Hanbin doesn’t look at him. Get changed and go to sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Bobby grabs his hand before he walks away.

“Now. Let’s talk now. We need to talk now.”

“You’re drunk.”

Bobby shakes his head. “I’m fine. Bin, this has been going on for too long. I’m going crazy out of my mind figuring out what to do or what I’ve done wrong. Talk to me. If you don’t love me anymore tell me. Please. Just talk to me.” Bobby cries.

Hanbin meets his eyes as tears filled his too.

“You only talk to me when we’re around our friends. You only make love to me when you’re drunk. The last time you told me you loved me was two months ago. You make sure you’re out of the house before I wake up and you make sure to come home when I’m asleep. If you want me gone so bad why not just say it? Just say it, Bin!”

Hanbin looks him in the eye and says. “I love you.”

“Bullshit! This isn’t how you treat a person you love!” Bobby screams. “You walk around this house pretending to be okay when everything’s not! I’ve been trying to find solutions but I couldn’t find any. Every time I try to talk to you you either yell at me or ignore me. I’ve been humiliated by you a hundred times the past two months but I didn’t care. You can’t stand being in the same room with me. I wake up every day hoping for things to change but it doesn’t. It hasn’t. And i’m tired, Bin. I’m tired of guessing. I’m tired of trying to figure this out. I’m tired of trying to figure you out. So tell me. Please tell me. Maybe it’s not too late. Maybe I can still fix it. I’ve lost my pride and my dignity trying to please you these past few months. One more try wouldn’t hurt because Bin I fucking love you. I love you so much and i’ve been hurting so much but I still want you.” Bobby sobbed and Hanbin cried Harder.

Bobby turns around and changes into the clothes Hanbin had picked out while Hanbin stood there crying. He walks back in front of Hanbin after he changed and he wipes away his tears.

“I miss you, Bin. You’re right in front of me but I still miss you. This isn’t us. We used to talk about every little thing and you can’t even say a word aside from yes or okay to me now.”

Hanbin stood there crying but still doesn’t say a word. Bobby breaks as if there were more of him to be broken. He turns his back around Hanbin disappointed and he tucks himself on the bed leaving Hanbin standing there.

“Close the lights and shut the door when you leave.” He says. “I’ll be out first thing tomorrow.”

Hanbin covers his mouth with his hand to keep himself from letting out a loud sob. He walks out of the room, shuts the door behind him and runs as far away from the room so the he can cry as hard as he wanted.

-

You’ve proved yourself to me since the day you came knocking on my door all the way from Bali. No one can ever change my mind about you. Not even you. You can tell me straight up you don’t love me, I won’t believe because I know you do. I can feel it deep down to my bones. You’re perfect, Bub. That’s why you deserve so much more. So much more than me. You could be so much more without me.

Bobby walks out of the room, bags packed. He drops them by the couch and he meets with Hanbin eye to eye who was at the other side of the living room working.  
Hanbin gets up and sets his laptop on the coffee table.

“You’re leaving?” Hanbin asks.

Bobby shrugs, looking cold. “You want me to.”

Hanbin takes his right hand to his chest just right above his heart and turns away from Bobby. He stands there for a couple seconds trying to hold back his tears looking up the ceiling.

“You know I wouldn’t go if you don’t me to, right?” Bobby asked trying to keep calm.

Hanbin doesn’t turn back around.

“So that’s it? You’re just gonna let me go? Just like that? Without anything? An explanation? A single word? Nothing?” Bobby asked a little bit angrily. Hanbin’s silence was getting into his nerves.

Hanbin wipes away his tears and turns back around. “What do you want me to say?”

“Are you kidding me Hanbin?! Are you fucking kidding me?! You haven’t talked to me in over two months! I don’t show up at work for a whole week and my boss calls you, nothing! Weren’t you at least a bit worried? What the fuck, Bin?! What the actual fuck?!” Bobby was fuming. It was about time he snapped.

“I did text you but you didn’t respond!” Hanbin rebuts weakly for he was crying already.

“You texted me once! Once! And did you even read your text?! Was I supposed to be happy about that text?! Was I supposed to celebrate?!”

“You’re old enough to know your responsibilities why do I have to remind you about it?!” Hanbin snaps back.

“Responsibilities?! Wanna talk about responsibility? How about your responsibility as my partner?! What happened to that?!”

“So what?! You’re getting back at me? Is that why you didn’t go to work and got drunk the whole week? Is that it huh?”

Bobby turns his back to Hanbin and he breaks down. He cried so much until he was crying. He tried to keep calm and tone down his anger as he cried.

He turns back around and wipes his tears. “Bin do you hear how senseless this fight is?” He asks this time seriously. He walks a step closer to Hanbin as he sobbed while Hanbin stood there feeling all the guilt he knew he was supposed to feel. “What happened to us? I thought we were in this together?” Bobby asked. “I just want you to talk to me. Why can’t you talk to me? Am I not enough for you anymore? Did I do something wrong? Cause Bin, if that’s the case tell me. Please tell me. Don’t leave me hangin like this. Please?” He begged as he took Hanbin’s hands. He caresses his face with them and he kisses them making them all wet from the tears flowing down his face. “What do I do, Bin? Do you really want me to leave? Should I leave?”

Still no answer.

Bobby lets go of Hanbin and sits down at the couch beside him. He buries his face with his hands and he cries in pain.

Hanbin sits beside him. He doesn’t touch or hold Bobby but he sits there and cries silently with him.

“You hurt me, Bin. You’re hurting me. But I can’t get myself to get mad at you because I know you’re having it hard too. I just wish you’d tell me so that I’d know what to do.” Bobby says and Hanbin cries harder.

He rests his elbows on his knees and tilts his head to face Hanbin. “I don’t want to leave. You know that right?” He asks.

Hanbin nods.

“But I need to leave. Am I right?” His voice cracks while he asks.

Hanbin tilts his head upwards to let out sobs and looks back at Bobby. Then, he nods.

Bobby covers his mouth with his hands as he cried.

He tries to catch his breath and when he does, he leans back the couch. “What do I do, Bin? Do I wait for you? Do I keep holding on? Do I move on? Do I just accept the fact that this is the end of us? Tell me what to do, Bin? I’ll do it for you.”

Hanbin takes Bobby’s hand. The first time he’s held Bobby with so much sincerity the past two months. “Be happy. Even if it means not being with me.”

Bobby shakes his head as he looked into Hanbin’s eyes with so much pleading for Hanbin to not do this to them.

Hanbin nods softly and wipes away Bobby’s tears from his face.

Bobby pulls Hanbin to him and hugs him very tight. He cried with so much pain as he embraced the love of his life for the last time. He kisses the side of Hanbin’s head and tightens the hug one last time before letting go, grabbing his bags at the side of the couch, and rushing out of the apartment as quickly as he can.


	13. my turn

Yunhyeong takes his car keys from the huge marble plate on top of the table by his door. He checks himself out on the mirror just right above it and once satisfies with how he looked, he starts moving out of his house. He walks out on Bobby standing in front of his doorstep with a luggage on his hand. Bobby looks up at Yunhyeong, eyes filled with tears, and leans his head on his shoulder while he cried. 

Yunhyeong stands still and rubs the back of Bobby’s head and lets him cry for a while before he brings him inside. He takes Bobby to the living room having him sit at the couch while he dialed his phone to call one of the managers of his shop. 

“I’ll be coming in late there’s just something I need to take care of. Take in charge for a few hours.” He says quickly and drops the call.

He sits by Bobby and waits. He doesn’t ask anything until Bobby was calm enough to talk. 

Bobby, elbows resting on his knees, rubs his face with his hands wiping away his tears, takes a deep breath before looking up.

“It’s over?” Yunhyeong asks.

“I got nothing from him.” Bobby says disappointingly.

“Are you giving up on him?” Yunhyeong was afraid to ask but he knew he needed to. There was no one else for Hanbin he knew that. He could spend as much time and effort in protecting him but it would never come close as to how Bobby made Hanbin feel. Safe. He made him feel safe amongst the other important things and that’s what he needed Hanbin to be. 

Bobby sees the fear in Yunhyeong’s eyes. He takes his hand and grips them. “No. Never. I made a promise, right?” 

“I know it’s hard. And I wouldn’t take it against you if you left. There were a thousand times I wanted to leave him too especially when things like these happened. Hanbin’s a very difficult person even for a friend like me.”

Bobby shakes his head. “The more I need to stay.”

Yunhyeong releases a deep breath. “Thank you.” He says sincerely. 

“Thank you, too. For not giving up on him.” 

“I hate him for who he is sometimes but he’s all I have too. We need each other.” He says. “But do you? Need him?”

“More than he’ll ever know.” 

Yunhyeong nods and looks down. He takes another deep breath and releases it. He hates it when he can’t do anything. 

“I’m sorry for bothering you so early in the morning.” Bobby says.

“I’m sorry about him.” 

Bobby shakes his head again. “Space. Maybe he just needs space.”

Yunhyeong nods. “He’ll come to you when he’s ready. I’ll talk to him.”

“Don’t. I know this is crazy. None of us exactly knows what’s happening but this is something he needs to figure out on his own. He would’ve come to you if he needed answers.”

“You’re right.”

They sit there for a few more minutes in silence before Yunhyeong offers to drop Bobby off his, Jinhwan and Chanwoo’s place. 

“I’ll have breakfast delivered to you from the shop when I get there.” Yunhyeong says before Bobby gets off.

“I’ll be fine. Maybe send some to Hanbin instead?”

Yunhyeong smiles and nods. “See you later.”

Bobby nods and gets off the car. He opens the passenger seat behind to get his luggage and waves Yunhyeong good bye.

He watches Yunhyeong’s car drive away, heart hurting like it never has before. He releases a sigh. “Kim Hanbin.” he whispers before entering their building.

_

Bobby walks down the street as he waved the plastic bag, he had on his hand along. It was around 1 in the morning when he realized he hasn’t eaten for more than 24 hours. He’s been beating himself up at work trying his best to keep himself busy and not think about Hanbin. He only goes home to shower and hasn’t even seen his housemates in weeks. They probably even don’t know he’s back, he thought.

While walking back to the building, surprisingly feeling good for the first time in weeks, he glances up from the ground to see Hanbin standing outside his company building trying to call someone on the phone. He had his back facing him but there was no doubt it wasn’t Hanbin. 

Hanbin turns around with the phone on his ear and stops when he sees Bobby from a few feet away. The smile on Bobby’s face disappears when they meet eye to eye. Hanbin takes the phone away from his ear and smiles awkwardly at Bobby. Bobby doesn’t smile back and walks towards Hanbin’s direction. He walks past Hanbin not saying a word to him and not even acknowledging the fact the he was there and lets himself inside the building by tapping his I.D. 

Hanbin doesn’t say a word but follows him inside until they reach his studio. Bobby places the plastic bag on the couch and Hanbin closes the door behind him. Bobby takes a cup of ramen from the plastic and sits on his computer chair. He opens the pack of powder with his teeth and pours it all out on the noodles. He gets up to go to the pantry but Hanbin was still blocking the door. 

Hanbin lifts the paper bag he was holding up handing it to Bobby. It was from their favorite Thai restaurant. Bobby doesn’t nudge. He kept his glare on Hanbin making him conscious. 

Hanbin drops his hand and looks down before looking back at Bobby again. 

“Uhm, Jinhwan texted me earlier.” Hanbin stated. 

“What are you doing here?” Bobby asks.  
“He told me he hasn’t seen you at home. He didn’t know you move out of my place weeks ago. Where are you staying? You got us worried.”

Bobby looks down and scoffs. “You suddenly decide to start caring again?” 

“Bub…”

“Hanbin, please?” He says in a low angry voice.

“Bub, I’m sorry.” Hanbin says sincerely.

Bobby takes a deep breath. “Are you ready to talk about it?” 

Hanbin starts playing with his fingers nervously. He doesn’t respond.

“I’m not talking to you unless you talk to me.” Bobby states. “I know I promised I’d wait and I will. I’m keeping that promise but I can’t let you keep treating me like this.” He lifts Hanbin’s chin up so he’d look at him. “I love you, Hanbin but I don’t deserve this so unless you’re ready to talk, please, don’t. We’ll just keep hurting each other. I’m giving you all the space and time that you need. You know where to find me when you’re ready.”

Hanbin nods. “I’m sorry.” He takes Bobby’s hand away from his face and hands him the paper bag of food. “I’ll go now.” He says and fakes a smile. He lets himself out and closes the door behind him. 

“Thanks.” Bobby whispers to the door. He walks back and drops himself on the computer chair behind him. He leans back and rests his head. Being hard on Hanbin was the hardest thing he’s ever done but he knew Yunhyeong was right. Hanbin was never going to learn if they kept on spoiling him. It wasn’t right to always have him get his way. 

-

“Wow. You guys have really outdone yourselves this time.” Hanbin says to Junhoe as he walked around the aesthetically pleasing office floor in their new building.

Junhoe, Jinhwan, Chanwoo, and Yunhyeong decided to make start a company where they can offer their expertise and make it one and after years of hard work, they have built the most beautiful 4-story office space in the world. Chanwoo and Jinhwan has always worked together seamlessly and because of Yunhyeong’s café they worked on years ago, they realized how much more they could do if they united their artistry together. Junhoe made a good partner to Jinhwan, both as an engineer and a romantic one, and Yunhyeong was good in sales and the food industry so that’s what he handled. They’ve pretty much been working every day for this day to come and it was already a success before it even started. Clients have been piling up and fresh graduates and as well as professionals with experience have been trying immensely to be a part of their corporation. It was a good start and there was no way the hype would die down soon.

Junhoe laughs in agreement. “I actually think we’ve maximized our artistic points of view towards this building. Three years in the making. Not bad, right?” 

“Are you kidding me? I’m kinda scared of touching anything. This looks like a museum. How even can you work in these tables? They’re beautiful! Exquisite, if I can say. You guys definitely have taste!” 

The office was well designed. It was modern but classic. From black’s and woods to white’s and marbles. Each floor had its distinctive feel to it. 

“I honestly have never seen an office this beautiful before. I mean, come on, even the chairs are stunning. I can’t believe I used the word stunning to describe a chair but they are stunning! Every detail is just well thought of. I can’t believe you guys did this. My friends did this!” Hanbin says in awe.

Junhoe laughs. “You flatter well, Kim Hanbin.”

“Actually, I was just trying to get you to get me one office space. I don’t think I’d ever run out of ideas if I worked here.” He winks.

“Hmmm, so you’re finally coming back to the city?” Junhoe raises a brow.

“This building actually makes me want to leave my peaceful life in the island.” He says seriously. “Maybe I’ll visit? Once a month?”

“Make it twice and that office on the corner is yours.” 

Hanbin laughs. “Deal!” 

Junhoe shakes his hand taking the deal. “Come, I’ll show you my office.” He leads the way towards the north side of the building when a very loud Jung Chanwoo shout from behind them.

“Kim Jiwon!!!!!!!” Chanwoo screams taking their guests attention.

Hanbin and Junhoe turns around at the same time and Junhoe smiles widely when he sees Bobby by the door exchanging hugs with Chanwoo and Jinhwan.

“Let’s go say hi.” He says and walks past Hanbin trying to reach Bobby excitedly too. 

Junhoe rubs the top Bobby’s while Jinhwan and Chanwoo hugged and welcomed the man he was with. 

It seemed like the knew him, Hanbin thought. 

Bobby looks to his direction as he spoke to Junhoe and nods his head the moment he meets Hanbin’s eyes before bringing back his attention to Junhoe. Hanbin’s heart jumps. He looks behind him to see if Bobby was pertaining to someone else but there was nothing but a glass door to an empty office behind him. He watched Bobby laugh at something Junhoe said and everything was moving in slow motion in his end. Bobby taps Junhoe’s back pulling him in another hug while they both laughed and when he pulls away, he grabs the hand of the man he was with excusing him from Jinhwan and Chanwoo and slowly walked towards his direction. Hanbin was starting to feel breathless. As Bobby was moving towards him slowly, he noticed everything different about him. His hair was no longer reddish-brown and permed but was short, purple and brushed up which emphasized his facial features more. He gained weight and have gotten a lot more buff than the last time he saw him, he wasn’t wearing anything baggy. Skinny jeans and a tucked in shirt. It was also the first time he saw him dress like that. There were still bracelets around his arms and his favorite silver watch and the hoop earrings he loved most was still present but his eyebrow piercing was nowhere to be found. He looked clean and different yet still the same. Not the Bobby he was used to but still the Bobby the could make his heart beat a hundred times per second. But most of all, he looked at peace and he looked genuinely happy. His bunny teeth were showing when he smiled from ear to ear. He bowed and greeted to every person he met eye contact with while walking towards his direction and when he finally stops in front of him, everything start moving normally again.  
“Hi.” Bobby says. He releases his grip from the other man’s hand and leans in for a hug. 

Hanbin who was standing awkwardly, leans towards Bobby too, and taps him twice in the back. “Hey.” He says almost forgetting how to breathe. 

“This is my partner.” He says introducing the man behind him but before he could finish, a very exhilarated Yunhyeong jumps from behind them.

Bobby turns around quickly as soon as he hears Yunhyeong’s voice and they both hug each other tightly.

“Yow what the heck are you wearing you look like me!!” Yunhyeong exclaims at how Bobby looked.

Bobby pushes him lightly and laughs. “Shut up I had a meeting I had to look decent.”

Yunhyeong pulls him in for a hug and twirls them both around and they go in circles as they expressed how much they missed each other.

This makes Hanbin and Bobby’s visitor laugh. 

The interaction between Yunhyeong and Bobby made Hanbin realize how much he probably missed the time he was taking his time. He doesn’t remember Yunhyeong and Bobby being this close. His heart aches but is delighted at the same time. He’s pleased they were there for each other when he wasn’t. 

“Hi, I’m Lee Jae Hyun.” The man in front of him extends his hand to Hanbin. “I’m that crazy guy’s partner.” He adds while he laughed at Bobby who was still playing around with Yunhyeong.

Hanbin smiles and takes his hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m Kim Hanbin.” He says.

Jae Hyun stands beside Hanbin. They both watch Yunhyeong drag Bobby towards the guests of the party and Bobby signals to Jae Hyun that he’ll be right back. Jae Hyun laughs and nods while he stood there comfortably. 

He turns back to Hanbin and says. “I’ve been meaning to meet you.”

“Huh?” Hanbin responds gawkily. 

Jaehyun laughs shyly. “I’m sorry if I’m weirding you out. It’s just that I’ve heard so much about you. Especially from Mrs. Kim and Esther. They speak very fondly of you. I’m glad to have finally met you.” 

He must be really important to Bobby for Bobby to introduce him to Donghyuk’s parents, Hanbin thought.

He didn’t know how to respond. Good thing Bobby calls for Jaehyun to be introduced to a couple of friends before it gets awkward. 

Everyone was now moving fast-paced but they were all moving so slowly for Hanbin. He checks the time every now and then only to see a couple minutes go by every time. 

Junhoe was nowhere to be found. He probably went down to the first floor, Chanwoo and Jinhwan were busy talking to Jae Hyun and Bobby’s co-producers from YG and Yunhyeong and Bobby were still catching up by the bar laughing at anything the other says. 

Air, he thought. He needed some air. 

He leaves the floor an takes the stairs up the roof deck. 

It wasn’t quite finished yet so it was empty. The building was located in a higher place of the city so the view was pretty nice even though the building was only four-stories high.   
This day was a lot to take in for him, already. First day back in the city, the guests, the blasting music, Bobby, Jaehyun, he wasn’t ready for all of it. He was expecting Bobby but he knew he was expecting too much when he thought he’d show up alone.

He takes a sip from the bottle of beer in his hand and groans at the bitter taste of it. He’s been holding it for over an hour now so it was warm and awful. He places it by his foot before he leans back the rails and takes in the city view he kind of missed.

“Still not a fan of beer?” Bobby asks from behind.

He walks towards Hanbin and leans on the rails a foot away from him. He takes a sip of his beer and admires the view he hasn’t seen in a while too. 

Hanbin tries his best to keep calm and responds. “Still tastes like iron to me.”

Bobby laughs and takes another sip from his. He shrugs as he gulps the liquid down. “Still the best alcohol for me.”

Hanbin chuckles softly and Bobby glances towards his direction. Hanbin notices a few seconds after so her turns his head around to look at Bobby.

“Hi, stranger.” Bobby says. 

Hanbin laughs. “Hi you back, stranger.”

Bobby smiles widely and turns around. He leans back the rails while Hanbin stood the way he was.

“It’s been so long since I last saw you. 4 years was quite a long time.” Bobby states.

“Almost 5 I think. It was.” Hanbin says silently with a convinced smile on his face.

Bobby turns back around and copies Hanbin’s position again. “I read your books.” He says.

“Hmmm?”

“Yoo Jin from Goodbye Road, Ha Rin from Adore You, Chin Hae from Apology, the old woman Eun Hee met in the bridge in Don’t Forget, Soo Min from Just Go, Tae from Climax. Sung’s best friend in Just For You. I’m sorry I forgot the name. Hmmm… AH!! Young Mi!”

Hanbin moves uncomfortably. “What are you talking about?”

Bobby looks at Hanbin and presses his lips together into a smile. He exhales before he speaks. “It was kind of hard to figure it all out. I was on my fourth book before I realized how much of you were in those books. I had to re-read everything all over again. And again. And again.”

Hanbin’s books were a part of him nobody knew about. A part of him he can never get himself to talk to anyone about. Even the ones he trusted the most. He hid himself in characters in his books. There was a small part of him in a single character in every book. May it be a stranger a character randomly meets or a janitor who does nothing on the book but mop the office floors. He rarely made himself the inspiration of the main characters of his book. In fact, he only did it once. Only on the first book he’s every released: Just Go. 

“How’d you know they were mine?” He tries to play it cool.

“I’d like to think I knew you better than I thought I did. But also, there was one consistent author in every shop Yunhyeong owned so I kinda figured it out.” Bobby shrugs.

It was Yunhyeong’s way of supporting Hanbin. He had at least three copies of every book Hanbin had written displayed at every shop he owned along with the other random books he bought just for the sake of being able to display his friends’ work.

Hanbin laughs. “Of course.” 

There were only three people who knew Hanbin’s pseudonym. Junhoe, Jennie, and Yunhyeong. He wanted to tell Bobby but he was afraid Bobby would figure it all out once he read his work so he was grateful he didn’t ask or force him to tell. 

Now he’s just proven how right he was. He knew Bobby more than he thought he knew too. If there was one person to figure him out, it would only be Bobby and he was right. Bobby now knew everything about him. He didn’t know exactly what to feel about it. He somehow feels exposed and naked but at the same time, at ease because it was Bobby.   
His friends that knew about the books has read every single one but never did they have a clue on how Hanbin expressed himself through his writing. They understood it was some sort of expression and release but they were aware the characters were purely fictional and inspired by no one but Hanbin’s mind.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bobby asked.

“Who I was or what you read about?”

“I don’t know? Both?”

Hanbin shrugs. “I guess that was the part of me I never wanted you to know. My books are the ugly parts of me.”

“You think I never would’ve taken them along too?” 

Their conversation was 4 years overdue but it was surprisingly comfortable. Maybe because wounds have healed or that they have grown. It seemed like it didn’t matter anymore so they went on.

“Maybe? Or maybe I didn’t want to be asked about them because I know the time I let someone in, I give them permission to have a say in things and I didn’t want anyone to have a say in that part of me.” Hanbin explained.

“That’s fair.” 

“You think so?”

Bobby nods. “Yeah.”

Hanbin nods his head in return.

“So Yunhyeong and Junhoe and Jennie doesn’t know?” 

Hanbin shakes his head. “They’re fictional characters. Supposedly.”

Bobby smiles smugly. “I can’t believe I figured you out.”

Hanbin laughs. “I guess you do know me better than you thought you did.”

“Knew. I’m not so sure who you are now. I’d like to know though, but living on both ends of the world doesn’t really give us a chance to get to know each other again, right?”   
Hanbin presses his lips into a thin line and nods. “I guess so.”

They stay silent for a while. Bobby takes a sip from his beer and Hanbin just stands there looking out the view.

“I’m sorry.” Hanbin let’s out.

Bobby turns his head to Hanbin with furrowed brows. “For what?”

Hanbin shrugs.”I don’t know. Everything.” He doesn’t look at Bobby’s direction. He keeps his eyes on the cars driving by the highway in front of him. 

Bobby nods and they stay silent again for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry too.” Bobby says.

“For what?” Hanbin asks.

“Everything.”

They look at each other with a smile. 

At this moment, they both knew they were okay. 

Hanbin turns to Bobby’s direction and takes something from inside his coat. “I heard you were coming but I wasn’t sure I was going to see you. I brought this in case I do and I did so…” He says with a piece of folded paper I his hand. “It’s the letter I wrote you the day you left.”

“Can I read it?” Straightens up and places the bottle of beer on the floor by his foot. He hands out a hand to Hanbin asking for the paper.

“Do you want to?” 

“Do you want me to?”

Hanbin shakes his head. “No.”

Bobby crosses his arms. “Then why’d you take it out?”

“’Cause it was hoping I could read it to you.”

“Why now?”

“Who knows when we’ll meet again. What if it takes another four years? I’m lucky enough you’re even talking to me. I feel lucky I got the chance to apologize and while we’re already here, I want to explain myself too. Just let everything out once and for all.” He grins.

“Can we do it another time? So that I have a reason to see you again?” Bobby smirks.

Hanbin tries to keep his smile in. He crosses his arms and stands lazily acting like Bobby’s words didn’t have an effect on him. “Very funny, Kim Jiwon.” He says ignoring the flirty comment. “Can we just get on with it? I can’t wait another four years for this!” 

Bobby laughs. “Fine! Since you want to get rid of me so bad! Lay it on me, Kim Hanbin.” 

Hanbin grins. He unfolds the paper slowly and clears his throat.

“Always getting what you want. You’re still your spoiled self after all these years.” Bobby comments as he remembers how he’d always give in to whatever Hanbin requested. He never wins to him but seeing that specific smile he makes every time he gives in, it felt like he always won. And it didn’t feel different this time around.   
\  
That smile was something Bobby kept to himself. He first witnessed it the first time they met in Jeju. Hanbin wanted to call Chanwoo to confirm Bobby was no serial killer and all Bobby said was that he was cute. Hanbin pretended to not hear what he said but he was sure he heard him loud and clear because he noticed Hanbin turning red. When he said he could go and call Chanwoo, Hanbin left an awkward smile before running up the stairs to the room. The next time he noticed it was when he was having lunch with Jinhwan and Chanwoo the week after and he wanted to drive Hanbin to the airport but Hanbin insisted to take a cab. He gave in and then the same smile happened but that time, a lot more genuine and that smile never left his mind since. When they got together more, he got to see that smile more so he promised himself, whatever Hanbin asked for, he’d give for the sake of that smile. He loved it so much he was scared if he told Hanbin about it, he’d start getting conscious about it so he never spoke of it ever. 

“I’m spoiled because you spoil me. Not my fault.” Hanbin says. “Anyway, I’m going to start reading now. Shut up and don’t say anything until I’m finished. Okay?” He clears his throat one last time before he begins.

*You’re probably out of the house when you read this letter. I couldn’t give it to you so I asked Yunhyeong to deliver it.

Bub, I meant what I said last night. I love you. God knows how much.

I wish I could explain myself to you but I don’t know how to. I’m writing this letter to try.

The day Minkyu left, he stopped by the house and left me a notebook of yours. I still don’t know how he got a hold of it but it contained your lyrics after you met me. I would be lying if I told you it didn’t hurt. Because it did, even more so than the burn on my hand. But I realized there wasn’t any reason for me to get hurt because those were written way before you and me. Way before us.

When I was doing research for my new book, I read that when you find someone who’s going to be good for you, they won’t fill you with insecurities by focusing on your flaws but fill you with inspiration cause they’ll focus on the best parts of you. And that’s exactly what you did. You filled me with inspiration and love and you never, not once, forgot to remind me of every little thing you loved about me. May it be the dimple on my face or how my eyes went uneven when I laughed. You loved the best parts of me but what’s amazing about you is that you loved the worst parts of me more. My nose, the way I don’t notice the people around me when I work, the way I can’t focus on meetings, hell, you loved me these past few months I was ignoring you.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, it’s not you I don’t want. It’s how I feel after you tell me you love me, after you make love to me, after you kiss me goodbye, after you hold my hand, after every single thing you do to me.

This isn’t about you, your past, or your lyrics. This is about me.

My problem is not knowing you deserve so much more than me. My problem is that I need you to tell me every day that you don’t need anyone better than me and that I am enough when you’re not supposed to. You’re not supposed to need to remind me of that stuff. I’m supposed to know that. I’m supposed to feel that. But I don’t. I still don’t. I’m still constantly looking for approval everywhere I go. May it be from you, from Jennie, from Yunhyeong, from our friends and even from the people who reads my work, my fans.  
I thought avoiding you would help me not seek for the attention. I thought, slowly, it wouldn’t make me feel the need to hear someone tell me they love me, and that they need me, and that I was doing great. But it didn’t. It got worse. I got worse.

My problem is that I can’t find a way to accept myself even after everyone has accepted me.

This probably doesn’t make any sense. Even I can’t understand. But the bottom line is, I want to love you that way you deserve to be loved but I can’t do that until I accept the fact that this is me and this is all I’m ever going to be.

Thank you for loving me the way you do.

I promise one day, when a time comes you come knocking on my door again, I’d be loving myself the same way too.

\- Bin*

The mood between them changes. Bobby’s no longer smiling. Hanbin, too. He realizes now how bad of an idea it was and that he should’ve thought of it more. He didn’t eve read the letter beforehand. 

“Why didn’t you give it to me?” Bobby asks breaking the awkward silence.

“I was planning to. Obviously. But you would’ve hated me more if I did.”

Bobby looks down his feet and nods. He chuckles softly. “Now that I think about it, I would’ve. I deserved an explanation from you. Not through a letter. And I never would’ve understood what you meant through that letter. I only understand now because of the books.”

“Exactly.”

He looks at Hanbin. “But I still didn’t get one.” He says flatly.

“Do you hate me?”

Bobby turns to lean and rest his arms on the rails again. “I did. But it went away when I saw you laughing with Junhoe on my way up.”

Hanbin, again, tries his best to ignore Bobby’s comment. “So you hated me until a few hours ago?”

Bobby laughs. “I’m kidding! Of course I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I did for a while but only because you won’t talk to me and I made sure you were aware of it. But I am still slightly bitter though.”

Hanbin leans on his side facing Bobby. “Why’s that?”

“I thought you loved me enough to let me in.”

“I loved you more than I ever did anyone.”

Bobby looks up to Hanbin and smiles gratefully. He lets out a sigh. “It was so hard being away from you, you know.”

Hanbin turns to face the view of the city. He leans down the rails copying Bobby and he nods. “I do.” He says sincerely. 

“I loved you so much that when you made me leave, it was so hard. I couldn’t sleep even when I wanted to. It was like the universe was making sure I felt how painful it was to be away from you and I did.” He laughs. “You know how easily I could sleep anytime, anywhere, but there were times it took me three days to sleep only to wake up two hours later then it would take days again.” He turns to look at Hanbin who was already looking ashamed. “Hey.” Bobby says taking Hanbin by his hand making him face him. “I’m not saying all this to make you feel bad. I was just about to say how worth it all of those sleepless days were because if it weren’t for it, you’d still be probably hating yourself until now. Thank you for being strong enough to admit that there was a problem. If it was me, I don’t think I’d ever get myself to admit there was something wrong especially if it meant losing you. And we’d probably end up being an unhappy, miserable couple.”

And just as he thought he was over all of the emotions from 4 years ago, Hanbin sheds a tear. 

Bobby smiles and wipes his cheek with the back of his finger. 

“You were strong enough to let me go, too.” Hanbin says.

“I wouldn’t have if you left me with a choice.” Bobby says honestly.

Hanbin shrugs. “You still did.”

“It was the hardest thing I ever had to do my whole life. But it was worth it. I’m glad you’re okay now.” He says sincerely.

Hanbin smiles and it was the smile Bobby loved the most.

He wanted to wrap Hanbin around his arms so bad but he doesn’t. He can’t. This is what they were now: strangers who were lucky enough to be given a chance to meet, to build a friendship, to share memories, to fall in love.

He’s always believed people don’t meet by accident. There was always a reason to it. And that timing was such a good factor too. They were two broken and lost adults who had no care of what tomorrow would bring. The time apart made him realize how grateful he was Hanbin was the one who opened that door in Jeju because if it was someone else, he’d probably still be in a foreign country getting drunk and picking fights. He’d probably still be hating every morning he woke up. He’d probably still be hating life and everything in it. He found himself in Hanbin. He found a purpose to live and to believe again. He found the will to forgive himself and the people he loved who left him. Hanbin gave him so much without even trying. He gave him his life back. He gave him an even better one and for that, he’ll forever be grateful. 

It took letting Hanbin go to be able to give back to what he has given him and he would be lying if he never thought of not being selfish. He never wanted to let go. He never wanted to leave. He never wanted to move on. But that was where reality set in. There was no way we could always get what we wanted especially when it was opposed to what was needed. Hanbin needed time away from Bobby. He needed time to find himself, alone. How Bobby always wished they were the same. He always questioned why Hanbin can’t find himself in him just like how he did with him. But that wasn’t the case for Hanbin. Bobby’s purpose in Hanbin’s life was for Hanbin to realize there was something wrong with him and that he needed fixing. The sad part was that, even though Hanbin wanted him to be, he wasn’t the solution. 

Loving Hanbin was a pleasure for Bobby and being loved in return was an honor. It wasn’t the ending they expected but it was what they both needed. 

Bobby pinches the tip of Hanbin’s nose softly and grins. 

Jae Hyun walks in on them and clears his throat to get their attention. Hanbin jumps and Bobby looks by the top of the stairs where Jae Hyun was standing. 

“I hope I’m not interrupting something.” Jae Hyun says smiling widely. 

Bobby chuckles. “You’re not.”

Hanbin stands there awkwardly good thing Yunhyeong walks up the roof deck just a few moments later.

“I’ve searched from the first floor to the fourth why didn’t anyone tell me you guys were here. Chanwoo’s looking for you, kimbap.” Yunhyeong says.

Bobby nods and looks back at Hanbin. “You gonna be okay?” He asks him.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Hanbin asks smugly. 

“That’s the spirit.” Bobby says laughing. “We okay?”

Hanbin nods assuring him. 

Bobby nods. “Thank you. I’d love to catch up more but I’m flying back to the States tomorrow night.”

“Thank you, too. I guess I’ll see you again in 4 years?” Hanbin kids.

“Deal. Don’t be a stranger this time, though. Okay?”

“I’ll try.”

“You’re still so hard to please.”

“Some things never change.”

“Fine. But try okay?” Bobby makes him promise.

Hanbin smiles the smile he loves the most and he melts the second time that day. Hanbin nods and Bobby pulls him in for a hug. Hanbin freezes for a few seconds before taking in Bobby. Bobby tightens his grip when Hanbin welcomes him and whispers, “I missed you.” He rubs the back of Hanbin’s head before letting go. “Take care of yourself.” 

Hanbin nods again and Bobby smiles. 

Bobby starts walking away from Hanbin but he remembers there was one more thing he forgot to ask him so he stands back in front of Hanbin.

“By the way, do you still have the notebook Minkyu left you?”

Hanbin thinks of where he hid it all those years ago. “Uhm, I think it’s in my sock drawer or somewhere. Why?”

“You didn’t go through all the pages?”

“I don’t know I don’t remember. Oh wait, I didn’t because I smelled something burning from the kitchen so I had to run out and then this happened.” He says raising his hand showing his scar.

Their lives turned upside down after that night he didn’t even notice the burn has left a huge scar on Hanbin’s hand.

He takes Hanbin’s hand away from his face and examines it. “I’m sorry for this. I guess I forgot to keep on putting ointment on it too.”

“Nah, you didn’t sign up to be my nurse.” He says trying to not open any more sensitive topics from the past. “Why’d you ask about the notebook.” 

“Nothing.” Bobby says and smiles. “Let’s go back down to the party?”

“You guys go ahead. I’ll catch up.” He says and Bobby nods.

He walks away telling Yunhyeong he was going to find Chanwoo downstairs. He wraps his arm around Jae Hyun’s shoulders and they both walk down the stairs to head back to the party.

“You okay?” Yunhyeong asks as he walked towards his friend.

“I don’t know.” 

Yunhyeong nods. “You missed him?”

“I still do.”

Yunhyeong chuckles and hugs Hanbin. “Aigoo my friend. What do we do now?”

“Aish, get away.” Hanbin says annoyed. They both laugh and Yunhyeong taps Hanbin’s butt. “I’m fine.” Hanbin says. “I just miss him.”

“It’s hard not to.”

“You guys have gotten really close I didn’t even notice.” Hanbin states.

“That’s what happens when you move to an island and leave your best friend in the city.”

“He lives in LA.”

“Well yeah but we’ve gotten close before he left. He was always complaining he couldn’t sleep so he’d always be in the shop killing time, reading books. He sometimes even made the coffee for the customers and served cakes.”

“Yeah he mentioned he read my books.”

“I didn’t tell him I swear!”

Hanbin laughs. “I know. Don’t worry about it.”

“Let’s go back down. Bobby’s DJ friend came everyone’s dancing.”

“I’ll stay for one more drink then call it a night.”

“You sure?”

Hanbin smiles and nods. “Let’s go.”

They both go down and find everyone they know gathered in one circle. Yunhyeong runs towards the group scared to be missing out on something while Hanbin dropped by the bar to get a bottle of beer before joining in.

He takes a sip from his bottle and once the alcohol hits his tongue, he remembers why he never liked beer to begin with. 

He stands a few feet behind the circle but he listens in to the conversation. Chanwoo was telling a story about a trip he had with Jinhwan, Junhoe, and Yunhyeong in Thailand where Yunhyeong got so drunk he was crying in the bar. Bobby and Jaehyun were laughing their hearts out at how Chanwoo was mimicking Yunhyeong’s crying. Yunhyeong was slapping Chanwoo’s arm denying the event.

“I swear I’m not kidding he was crying so hard Jinhwan was actually getting kind of worried so we had to drag him out of the bar.” Chanwoo said.

“We had to drag him out of the bar because everyone was staring and he was embarrassing us not because Jinhwan was worried.” Junhoe stated and everyone laughed.

“Yeah that too!” Chanwoo said.

Bobby was jumping in place laughing. “And then? And then? What happened when you got out?” He asks.

“We brought him out because he was starting to embarrass us only for him to embarrass us even more.” Jinhwan said.

“He started to fucking dance on the streets! It was crazy because one minute he was crying and the next he was dancing like a crazy person it was insane!” Chanwoo said.

Bobby tilted his head up laughing. “I can’t believe I missed that!!” He says.

“That’s what you get for leaving!” Yunhyeong says and they laugh.

Junhoe grabs his phone out to show Jae Hyun and Bobby videos of Yunhyeong dancing and they all gather up in a circle laughing simultaneously. 

Hanbin takes a step behind and turns back around to take his bottle back to the bar.

He takes one more look at his friends but they all seemed to still be having fun so he didn’t want to be a bother and just decided to text Yunhyeong that he had already left.   
He takes the stairs down and steps out of the building to feel the cool air pass through him. He takes his phone out to text Yunhyeong and places it back in his pocket.

“Hey.” Bobby comes out in a rush. “Leaving so soon?” He asked.

“Hey. Well, yeah. I’m kinda beat so I’m calling in an early night.” Hanbin explained.

“Want me to drive you? I’ll go borrow Chanwoo’s car.” He takes a step back towards the building but Hanbin stops him.

“No. I’ll be fine. I was planning to walk anyway. I kinda missed the city.” He explains.

“Wanna walk together?” Bobby asked with hopes Hanbin wouldn’t decline.

“What about the party?” 

“Nah, it’s fine. We’re having lunch together before I leave tomorrow anyway and they’re coming to LA next week so we have plenty of time to catch up.”

“What about Jae Hyun?”

“He’ll be fine. He knows where I am.” Bobby says and smiles.

“Okay.” Hanbin smiles back and leads the way.

They walked silently for at least a block before Bobby laughs randomly.

“What?” Hanbin asked.

“Nothing. It’s just that we kinda already said our goodbye’s earlier yet here we are again.”

Hanbin laughs. “We can always say goodbye again.”

Bobby nods. 

Hanbin crosses his arms around his body for the breeze was starting to get to cool for him. Bobby notices and takes off his coat to wrap it around Hanbin’s back like it was nothing.

“Thanks.” Hanbin says and Bobby responds with a smile.

They walk side by side in peace for a couple blocks again before Bobby starts another conversation.

“Took you long enough to finish the last book.” He says.

Hanbin’s books weren’t really sequels of each but they were somehow related to each other. It was like the main character of the next book shows up at the end of the previous one. The last book of the series was released a year and a half after the last one which took the longest. It was released two years ago before he started a new series. 

“I took me time to realize what was really wrong with me.” He admits.

Bobby wanted to ask questions but he remembers the reason Hanbin wrote the way he did so he just nods.

“All this time I thought I had hatred towards my father. I thought he was the reason I was who I was. Seems like I was wrong.” He opened up willingly.

“Just Go. It’s yours and your mom’s story. Right?”

Hanbin nods.

Just Go was a sad story between lovers but the truth is, everything Soo Min said in the book, was everything he wanted to say to his mom who he portrayed as Soo Min’s lover. 

*Be careful my heart-aching love  
Don't be hurt like the times you were with me*

Hanbin looked up to his mother the most. Everyone who knows him knows how much he loved his mother and how much he adored her. But as he wrote this book, he realized tiny bits of pieces about his mother he didn’t realize before. 

His mother was always the planned inspiration for the last book in the series but as he wrote it, he realized how much of an angst-y story it was becoming when it was meant to be a happy one especially that it was the last one for the series. 

He wrote about the memories he spent with his mother. He wrote about his favorite things to do with her. He wrote about the struggle they went through. He wrote all this through totally different people.

When he tried to remember the conversations he had with his mother as he was writing, what he would always remember went like this:

“Stop acting so needy. You’re supposed to be strong because I’m not going to be around forever.” – she’d say when he asked for help in cooking

“It’s all your fault! I told you not to come home until 7 because by then he’ll be asleep.” – she’s say as she attended to his wounds and bruises

“When you have your own family, you should treat your son that way. You should be laughing as much as they are. You should be happy.” 

And he remembers responding to her saying, “I’m happy now. I’m with you.”

And then she’d say, “This isn’t what happiness is, my love. See those? I’m not able to buy you ice cream. Your father has never brought you to the park like how their father does. We’ve never bought you new shoes. See that kid in white, his shoes are new. It’s the first time I’ve seen them on him.”

And when he grew up, she started asking things like:

“Are you sure he loves you? Are you sure he won’t cheat on you? Are you sure he’s not just using you because you’re smart? Are you sure he can accept you?” – she said all these every time he mentioned there was someone showing him interest

His mother was strong. She held on for a really long time. But what she wasn’t aware was that she was passing on her hatred she had towards herself, to him. 

She’d get mad when Hanbin went home early because his dad would beat him up. She’d get mad when Hanbin asked for help to do something because how will he learn if he’d only keep asking all the time. 

She hated herself for not being able to give Hanbin what he needed. She hated herself for loving the wrong man for her kid. She tried so hard to protect Hanbin and Hanbin knew her mother was trying to protect him. But what his mother didn’t realize is that while she was trying to protect him, she was also breaking him.

Every time he tried coming home early because the mosquitos were eating him alive outside their house while he waited for his father to sleep, his mother would get mad at him. Every time he felt happy his mother would say that wasn’t what happiness was. Every time he tried to love someone, his mother would doubt him and their intentions. Every time he tried to build his self-esteem his mother stepped on it.

Growing up he believed there was no one who was going to love him as much as his mother did. He ignored all the times she got mad at him because at night, when they were about to sleep, she’d hug him so close to her and she’d talk about all the hopes and dreams she had for the both of them and that was what mattered to him the most.   
One day, before he went out of the house, he didn’t know why but he had an urge to ask. 

“You’re going to be here when I come home later, right?”

Her mother looked up to him and nods. “Where else would I go?”

“You’re not going anywhere right?”

“No.”

“You promise?”

And then his mom smiled and nodded. “I promise.”

The next time he saw her, she was lifeless. 

After her mother left, he realized that his mother made him feel that he was never enough for her and because he wasn’t enough for her, she made him feel that he wasn’t going to be enough for anyone else too.

He realized that this was why he needed constant reassurance from others. This was why he couldn’t accept himself. This was why he hated the feeling after being shown love because whenever his mother did, there always consequences. 

“The way I see it, Jae Bum was only trying to protect Soo Min.” Bobby says referring to the book so that Hanbin wouldn’t feel awkward to share.

“Don’t you think it was the wrong way of protecting her?” Hanbin asked.

“Maybe. But what if it was the only way he knew how to?”

“There are always other ways.”

“You know what? I realized no matter how strong a person present to be, they’ll always have this weak, vulnerable side in them. Jae Bum, he was always portraying to be strong, and though it wasn’t really the right and only way to protect Soo Min, he did try. He tried his hardest.”

“Why are you defending him?” Hanbin was starting to get slightly annoyed.

Bobby laughs. “I’m not defending him. I’m just saying things don’t always turn out the way we mean them to. I believe Jae Bum meant no harm. I could feel he really loved Soo Min.”

“But look at how Soo Min turned out.”

Bobby grabs Hanbin’s arm and he stops him from walking. He stands in front of Hanbin and he straightens out Hanbin furrowed brows with his fingers. “You wouldn’t be who you are now if you hadn’t gone through all of those. You wouldn’t be this strong. There’s always something good that comes out of all the bad. Always remember that.” He lifts Hanbin’s chin up and looks him in the eye. “Okay?”

Hanbin fakes a smile and nods. “I thought we were talking about my book.”

Bobby laughs and starts walking beside Hanbin again. “We are.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

They walk silently again for a couple of minutes before Hanbin initiates a conversation.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything, Kim Hanbin.”

“Do you or did you ever regret meeting me? Even after I left you?”

Bobby doesn’t think before he answers. He shakes his head immediately. “Our relationship wasn’t perfect. There were more days I cried over you than I actually laughed with you. There were more days I was hurting because of you than the days I actually felt loved by you. But all of those days, the good and the bad, were the best days of my life. I mean it.”  
“What about all the things you missed? All the trips our friends had you could’ve been with?”

He shakes his head. “Leaving was my choice. Not yours. You can’t blame yourself for it.”

Hanbin was still feeling emotional from earlier so he was fighting the urge not to cry.

“How about you?” Bobby asks. “Any regrets?”

“I guess...” He clears his throat. “I guess the only regret that I have was that I didn’t love you the way you should’ve been loved. I became too selfish and I got too into what I was feeling about myself I ignored you.”

Bobby stays silent. He knew how much Hanbin loved him and that love he gave was enough for him. He doesn’t comment but he liked the fact that Hanbin thought he deserved more than what he was already getting and that there was more Hanbin could’ve offered. 

They walk a couple more minutes in silence again.

“Can I ask you a question?” Bobby breaks the silence this time.

“You can ask me anything, Kim Jiwon.”

He laughs. “Why didn’t you come and see me at the airport before I left? I’m pretty sure Yunhyeong told you about me leaving a couple times.”

“I couldn’t take to see you leave.” Hanbin responds honestly.

 

“You know I wouldn’t have if only you told me you didn’t want me to.”

“I wanted you to. That was the problem.”

Bobby nods understanding where Hanbin was coming from.

They were only a block away from Hanbin’s place. Bobby looks up the street and realizes how nothing’s changed the last time he was there. The houses around still looked the same, as well as the streets and the shops. He feels nostalgic being back in a place where he used to spend most of his best days in.

“I’ll walk you up.” He tells Hanbin when they reach his building entrance. 

Hanbin nods and leads the way in the building. 

Bobby walks Hanbin up his door. Hanbin hesitating to go in and Bobby hesitating to step away. 

They stand awkwardly in front of Hanbin’s door unable to look at each other in the eye. 

Bobby twists and turn and finally manages to take a step back. “I’m going now. Have a safe flight back to Jeju.” He says.

Hanbin looks up, fakes a smile, and nods. “You too. To LA.”

Bobby nods and takes another step backward. “Bye.”

Hanbin twists his doorknob open and says, “Bye.”

Bobby gives him a faint smile and finally gathers up the courage to turn around and walk towards the elevator. 

When the door opens, he gets in and just as it was about to close, Hanbin comes rushing in.

He’s shocked but he gets more surprised when he sees Hanbin crying. He walks up to him and holds his face up. “Hey. What’s wrong? Don’t cry. What’s wrong?” He asks worriedly.   
Hanbin wipes away his tears he’s been keeping in the moment he saw Bobby and starts talking. “One thing I learned from all of this, from us, was to take advantage of a chance while you still have it. This may be wrong and I may be too late and I know you’re going back to LA and this is probably so unfair but I need you to know that I never stopped loving you and that I’ll never do. I’m sorry for only saying this now. Have a safe flight back.” 

The elevator door opens as soon as Hanbin stops talking. He thanks the heavens for being nice enough to save him from embarrassment. He rushes out the elevator but Bobby pulls him back in and presses the button to the top floor. 

“I’m sorry. I-“ Before Hanbin could finish talking, Bobby crashes his lips down Hanbin’s and kisses him hard making up for all the years he was deprived of him. Hanbin takes Bobby’s kiss and wraps his arm around Bobby’s neck. He pushes Hanbin against the mirrored wall and kisses him more intensely. Hanbin moans as Bobby’s tongue slid inside his mouth. Their kisses grew bigger and more intense. It was probably the most intense kiss they have ever shared. Bobby continues to kiss him in long, desperate kisses until Hanbin releases a moan. 

The elevator grinds to a halt and the doors open back to the top floor. 

Bobby puts Hanbin back down and they both walk out of the elevator holding hands. 

Hanbin types in his passcode to his door and the moment they’re both inside his home, Bobby turns him around and he pushes him up against the wall. His lips finds his again and at the same moment, Hanbin finds his hands pulling Bobby’s tucked shirt out from his pants. His fingers crawl inside Bobby’s shirt feeling his sculpted abs caressing his skin with his cold fingers. 

Bobby starts unbuttoning Hanbin’s shirt and after the first three buttons, he pulls them up and off him. He lifts him off from the ground and Hanbin wraps his legs around Bobby’s waist, hands resting on his shoulders.

Bobby takes him inside his room and Hanbin releases himself from Bobby. Bobby closes the door from behind and starts unbuttoning his shirt. 

“Bin.” He whispers.

“Hmmm?”

Bobby closes his eyes and rests his forehead on Hanbin’s. He grabs his face with both his hands and kisses him on the lips. “I’m still leaving tomorrow.” He says sadly. 

Hanbin rests his hands on Bobby’s bare chest and he leaves a soft peck on his chin. He knows. A part of him wished he could change his mind but he was aware it was just wishful thinking. Hanbin unbuttons the rest of Bobby’s shirt. “I know.” He responds.

Bobby reaches out for Hanbin’s lips again kissing him softly this time. He invites him in with his tongue and Hanbin parts his mouth welcoming him. Their kisses move unhurriedly both not wanting to rush the night.

Hanbin pushes Bobby’s shirt off as he walked backed. He stops when the back of his leg hit his bed and pulls away to look Bobby in the eye. Bobby caresses his face with his hands and leaves a soft peck on the corner of his lips. Hanbin closes his eyes and Bobby leaves another kiss on his eyelid. He traces his kisses down to his cheek, and then to his neck, until he reaches his chest. He moves back up to his lips and pushes Hanbin’s back down until his back reaches the soft mattress. Bobby unbuckles Hanbin’s belt and unbutton’s his pants. He pulls them off him before he takes his pants off himself.

They get into another steamy but romantic make out session grinding onto each other until they start finding each other irresistible again. 

Bobby pulls away and grabs his pants from the ground to take his wallet out his back pocket.

He takes out a condom and a small packet of lube from the side pocket of the wallet and helps himself with the rubber. He rips the packet of lube open with his teeth and pours a little in his fingers making them oily and sticky.

He kneels in between Hanbin’s legs and spreads them so that he’d have more access to his hole. He pulls him in closer to him and massages Hanbin’s hole and he inserts one finger in making Hanbin moan in pleasure. 

He leans down to reach for a kiss as he rubbed the tip of his hard on Hanbin’s entrance. Hanbin wraps his legs around Bobby’s waist and Bobby assists his cock in and enters Hanbin slowly. 

Hanbin, opens his mouth and releases moans, which were music to Bobby’s ears as Bobby filled him in. He thrusts slowly at first until he finds his pace and once they both find their rhythm, they work together in giving each other pleasure until they both reach their climax. 

Hanbin digs his fingers into Bobby’s back. “Ahhh, Bin!!” Bobby groans.

He thrusts inside Hanbin a couple more times after he comes inside him and he finds his lips again making the most out of the night for they both are unsure if they’d have a chance again. 

Bobby falls asleep with arms wrapped around Hanbin from behind. 

Hanbin on the other hand, tries his best not to wake Bobby up with his crying. He wrapped himself around Bobby’s arms as tightly as he could and held onto him as long as he could. 

The next morning, Hanbin wakes up alone in bed. He doesn’t remember when he fell asleep but he very much remembers Bobby being there. He takes a sniff on his blankets taking everything Bobby has left for him there and he cries himself back to sleep again. 

He doesn’t wake up until late that night. He reaches for his pants on the bedroom floor and checks his phone to see if he missed anything. There was one text from Yunhyeong and one from Junhoe inviting him over for lunch with Bobby and Jae Hyun for they were leaving a few hours later.

He checks the time and sees that it’s almost midnight and he groans. 

“The love of my life just left for the States and is probably never coming back. The same person I admitted my feelings to last night knowing he had a boyfriend. And I still made love to him. Kim Hanbin, what the fuck is wrong with you?!” He covers his face with a pillow and screams his frustrations out.

“Ya! Wake up! I’ve been calling you since this morning!” A familiar voice stood by his feet. 

He doesn’t remember falling asleep after waking up the night before.

“Hmmm?” He lifts his head up and when he sees Yunhyeong, he falls back to the pillows again.

Yunhyeong slaps his butt. “Get up! Take a bath and get ready for dinner.” He demands and leaves Hanbin in the bedroom to prepare their meal.

Yunhyeong promised Hanbin a meal before he went back to Jeju. He prepared a couple of Hanbin’s favorite dishes and wine, ham, and cheese to cap off the night. 

Hanbin was mostly silent during dinner. Yunhyeong noticed something was wrong but he didn’t rub it in. He also knew Hanbin was going to tell him anyway since they were going to be drinking right after.

He sets up the cheese and ham platter in the living room and Hanbin comes out from the kitchen with two wine glasses and a bottle of Merlot. 

They start drinking in a slow pace as Yunhyeong goes off again about how much he hated Hanbin living far away from the city. 

“I mean, what even do you do in Jeju? Do you even have friends there? Aside from your neighbor’s cat.” Yunhyeong asked as he shove down a piece of cheese from the wooden platter on top of Hanbin’s coffee table.

Hanbin laughs and continues to pour his third glass of wine and pours Yunhyeong some too. “It’s the peace I love. The air, the warmth during the summer and cold it is during the winter. And I don’t know, I love the place. It’s not hectic, people are nice, food is good.”

“Ya! All you eat here is the food I cook. Are you implying I’m not a good cook?!” Yunhyeong throws a piece of salami towards Hanbin’s direction.

“Stop!” Hanbin says laughing. “You’ll get grease all over my carpet you know I don’t have time to have it cleaned.”

“You know sometimes I think you found yourself a boyfriend in Jeju. The city life is busier yet when you were here, you had time to at least answer my texts. You never do when you’re there. You call me back three days after my initial call. It’s so unlike you. You seem so distracted.”

“Boyfriend my ass.” He laughs again. “There’s just so much to do there than be on my phone 24/7. I told you, I live a peaceful life there.”

“So no boyfriend? Not even dates?”

Hanbin shakes his head.

“Why not? We’re not getting any younger. Don’t you think it’s time to settle down?”

“Says the person who’s been single his own life.” 

“That’s a choice I’ve chosen for myself. But you, I know you always wanted someone to grow old with. Ew that sounded cheesy but you get what I mean.”

Hanbin cringes. “Yeah well that was before. What if I changed? What if I’m like you now? I don’t mind being alone until I die.”

“We both know that isn’t true.”

“Well…” Hanbin grows silent. Yunhyeong was right. Although he was so used to being alone, he always dreamed of a life where he wakes up beside someone. He loves the late night pillow talks, he loves being needed by someone and needing someone, he loves all the couple stuff.

“Is it because of a certain someone name B o b b y?” Yunhyeong breaks his silence.

“What?” He looks up. “No.”

“How was it? Seeing him after what? 4, 5 years?”

He shrugs. “Weird. He looked so different. But also comfortable because he was still the exact same Bobby.”

“Is it still him?”

Hanbin scoffs and shakes his head. He plays with the piece of pecorino cheese in his hand and lets out a deep sigh.

“Bobby’s your first true love. It’s okay to admit it you know?” 

He takes a sip from his glass. “It’ll always be him Song Yunhyeong. Happy?”

Yunhyeong grins widely and nods. “I don’t get why you just don’t get back together. I mean he’s single. You’re single. You’ve figured out all your issues. I don’t know what’s stopping you?”

“What do you mean he’s single?” Hanbin asked wide-eyed.

“Single. Alone. Not committed. Unmarried. What? You didn’t know?”

“Then who’s Jae Hyun?”

Yunhyeong laughs. “Hanbinnie Jae Hyun is Esther’s boyfriend and Bobby’s business partner! You know, they manage Korean acts who tours the States.”

“Esther’s?! Why didn’t I know this?!”

“Esther and Mrs. Kim said you don’t answer their calls too so whose fault is that?”

“Oh! Now I remember! Esther did say something about introducing a boyfriend the last time we talked.”

“See. Living in Jeju isn’t so good. You’re missing out on a lot.”

“And wait, Bobby doesn’t make music anymore?”

“He still does. They manage tours and Bobby still produces music for YG. He’s just now based in the States. A sub-label or something like that.”

“Oh.”

“Oh, what?

“Nothing.”

“What is it?!” Yunhyeong insisted.

“You know the night of the party? He walked me home.”

“Yeah? And?”

“We talked.”

“A-aaaaand?”

“We slept together. And I’ve been feeling so bad about it because I thought he and Jae Hyun were together. Why didn’t you tell me!!!” 

“I knew it!!!! I knew the moment Bobby rushed out and left us when he saw you walk out the door this would happen!! I just knew it!!” Yunhyeong screams excitedly. “So? Bobby? Single? Interested? Oh, of course you are you just admitted you still loved him.”

Hanbin furrows his brows and pouts. “It’s not that I’m not. I think he’s not. And he does live on the other side of the world so what’s the point?”

“He only moved there because of you dumbass.”

“Yeah. Because he wanted to move on from me.”

“You still don’t get it do you?”

“Get what?! Now I’m confused!” Hanbin complains.

“It’s because you live in Jeju!!”

“WHAT?! WHAT THE HECK HAS JEJU HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?!” Hanbin laughs his ass out. Yunhyeong has always been bitter since Hanbin moved to the island and he loves to rub it in Hanbin’s face every chance he gets.

“Ah fuck I’m getting cold.” Yunhyeong says out of the blue as he hugs himself and shivers. His was staring to get drunk on the wine.

Hanbin drops down to the carpet laughing. “You’re so weird and random I hate you.”

“Get me a blanket from your room please? And a pair of socks.”

“We can just turn off the air conditioning.”

“No! I like it cold. Just blanket and socks.”

Hanbin groans but gets up anyway.

He takes his comforter from his bed and looks for socks he left from is drawers. When he moves to the last drawer, he reaches inside to find the comfiest ones he can and his hand cops a smooth paper-like texture. He takes it out and figures out it was Bobby’s notebook Minkyu had left. He smiles because he remembers Bobby asking him about it the night before. He sits down on the bedroom floor and scans through the pages one by one. 

He reads the ones he read years ago but this time with a smile on his face. He’s always admired the way Bobby expresses his emotions through words. They were raw and real. They weren’t for you but you’d feel like it was. It had those powers over them. 

He remembers Bobby asking if he finished through the last page so he flips the pages until the last one and there laid a letter that was dedicated to him. It had a date on the upper right corner of the page which was dated only a few weeks after they met.

His heart beats rapidly. 

*Dear Hanbin,

I’m not the type to write letters. This is in fact the first one I’ve ever written aside from the fake excuse letters I used to write in grade school when I wanted to skip school. I’d pretend to be my mother and I would explain how I couldn’t attend class because I was sick and then I would sign it. It worked the first two times but they found out I had no mother so that backfired. I got in a lot of trouble. Anyway, that’s not the point of this letter, I’m writing this because there’s something I want to tell you. A lot of things actually. So here goes.

The first time I saw you, the moment you opened Chanwoo’s door, I honestly thought you were cute. And then you became cuter to me the moment you opened your mouth and when you insisted that no serial killer could admit that they were a serial killer. You were in a slight panic because you just let in a total stranger in your house but at the same time, I think because, your words not mine, hot people made you nervous. Not to boast, I do get called hot a lot but it never got to me until you said it. I liked it. Like how I liked kissing you that night.

That night was a good night. It was the first good night I had in two years. You were really interesting. As a person and as a friend (don’t judge we agreed to be friends for the day). I kinda wished I could’ve stayed longer the next morning but Chanwoo came to get me and he made me promise not to ‘victimize’ you.

I’m not a bad person, Hanbin. Just a really lonely one so sometimes I try to ease the loneliness by spending nights with other people and that’s what Chanwoo meant by victimize. To tell you honestly, I wanted to. You were really attractive. But I made a promise not to be an asshole to the good ones and you were a good one. You were better than most of the good ones.

The day after we met was when I found out who you were. Esther called in to tell me they were in Korea and that Mrs. Kim wanted to see me. You see, I’ve been avoiding the Kim’s the past two years. It was just too painful to face and I just couldn’t. I’ve never admitted this to anyone and I don’t know why I am admitting it to you but I guess it’s because the past few weeks I’ve known you, you made me trust you. I trust you to even tell you how I feel. You’re something special, Kim Hanbin.

Esther told me there was someone they wanted me to meet. His name was Kim Hanbin and he’s got Donghyuk’s heart. At first, I thought, how funny, the guy even had your name. Until she sent me a photo of you and just when I just had my first good night, just right after I slept smiling, my world goes crumbling down again. Ain’t my life a joke?

Kim Hanbin, I’m not in your life right now to deceive you. I’ve been sincere towards you since the first time we met. I’ve been honest with all the answers I have given you when you asked me anything. Except for this one thing. I know who you are and I know who lays within you. I know I may only be feeling what I’m feeling because I see Donghyuk in you but, I don’t know, there’s a part of me hoping I’m not. The past few weeks I’ve gotten to known you, I’ve grown to really like you. Genuinely. But I know it isn’t fair. It’s not right.  
These feelings I feel for you, I know I have to get rid of them. Hence, the lyrics in these notebooks. There was an article I read once about using reverse psychology in deceiving a person to make them fall in love with you. So I guess this is practically what I’m doing but instead of making you fall in love with me, I wrote those lyrics to deceive myself into hating you and somehow, I hope, I convince myself that you’re very wrong for me because right now, you’re all that seems to be right for me.

I maybe doing it wrong, though. If you’ve noticed, i’m not really smart. I skipped school a lot and if I didn’t, I slept. All I can do is make music. I really didn’t understand what reverse psychology meant but this is how I understood it and I just want to help myself. And you, too.

To be honest, Kim Hanbin, I’m scared. I have kinda gotten used to being around you and talking to you. I’m scared because I think I’m going to miss you. Actually no, I know I’m going to miss you. And as much as I want you to miss me too, I hope you don’t. I’m not a person that deserves to be missed. Especially when you find out who I really am.  
Kim Hanbin, I am Kim Jiwon. My friends call me Bobby. I’m Kim Donghyuk’s ex-boyfriend. The Kim Donghyuk that gave you your heart.

Kim Hanbin, I’m Kim Jiwon. And I think I have fallen for you.

Tonight’s my trip with the boys to Indonesia. I’ll be giving this notebook to Jinhwan and I’ll ask him to hand it to you when he gets back. I know I said I’ll see you when I get back, but I won’t be back. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you right to your face.

You’ve become my source of strength these past few weeks but you’ve also become my greatest weakness.

Kim Hanbin, I’m Kim Jiwon and I promise to pray to God every night to give us a chance to meet in another lifetime. I’d like to meet you again. 

Kim Hanbin, you’re one of a kind. You’re strong and you’re worthy. I hope you don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Until we see each other again, Kim Hanbin.

-Kim Jiwon/Bobby*

“Hey Hanbin, where’s my blanke- Are you okay?!” Yunhyeong rushes in the room in a panic when he finds Hanbin bawling his eyes out on his bedroom floor. “What happened?! “Why are you crying?!”

Hanbin sobs loudly. “I’m crying over a 5 year old letter. What’s wrong with me?!” 

Yunhyeong pushes Hanbin back and sits on the bedroom floor in front of him. “You scared the fuck out of me! Don’t do that ever again, okay?! What is that anyway?!” He tries to take the notebook away from Hanbin but Hanbin pulls his hand away.

“No. Mine! Yunhyeongie, you have to tell me. You have to tell me everything. What do you know?”

“What do I know about what?!”

“Bobby. Please I need to know. I need to know if I still have a chance.”

Yunhyeong nods. “I’ll tell you everything I know but we haven’t talked about you guys for a long time now so I don’t know where his feelings stand with you now.”

“Okay. That’s okay. I just want to know the things I missed.” He wipes away the tears from his face. “Ahhh!! Kim Hanbin you are so fucking stupid!! You never know what you have until it’s gone!!”

“Uhm, okay you’re kind of freaking me out now. Wait I need more alcohol.” Yunhyeong stands and rushes out the room to take the bottle of wine and their glasses. He sits back down on Hanbin’s bedroom floor and pours Hanbin and himself wine. “Okay shoot. Ask away.” He says as he takes a sip.

“Why’d he move to LA?” Hanbin starts.

“At first it was a ploy to get you to talk to him. Stop him from leaving or even tell him good bye. You haven’t talked to him in 9 months that time and he was desperate. The company had offered him a job in the States. It was only for a few weeks though but when you didn’t show up in the airport, he decided that maybe it was right to move there for good. Well he didn’t decide right away in the airport but when he was offered to manage the label in the States, he agreed to take it.”

“Why didn’t he talk to me? Why didn’t he say good bye?”

“Are you dumb?!”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Hanbin realizes it was his fault. “What else?”

“After that, he would always say he’s only waiting for you and that he knows one day when you’re ready, you would come to him. He said it didn’t matter how long it would take. He’ll wait for you.”

“When did he say that?”

“He kept saying he’d wait for you until two years ago I think?”

“But that’s a very long time ago.” Hanbin pouts. “He’s moved on hasn’t he?”

Yunhyeong shrugs. “Honestly, I don’t know. But you did sleep together! That meant something! It must’ve!”

Hanbin finishes the wine on his glass and pours himself another one. He releases a deep sigh and so does Yunhyeong.

“It did. Final goodbye sex.” He says bitterly. “He didn’t say anything about his feelings. Even after I admitted mine.”

Yunhyeong looks at Hanbin sadly and drinks more of his wine. “You did make him wait for a very long time.”

“I know. I should’ve known the no one waits that long. Not even the Kim Jiwon’s of this world. So Yunhyeongie, if a time comes a person loves you, don’t take advantage of it. Especially when he fights for you until the very end because the only one who’s going to live with regrets is you.”

“So you have regrets?”

Hanbin nods. “I was okay two years ago. I could’ve flown to LA then but I didn’t. Now it’s too late.”

“You think Bobby has regrets? For leaving?” Yunhyeong asks.

Hanbin shakes his head. “How could he when he knows he’s done everything he can to fight for me. I gave up on us way before he stopped fighting.”  
“But what if it’s not too late? What if he still feels the same?”

Hanbin shakes his head. “Before the party, I was wondering what reason could the universe have to let us meet again after all these years and to tell you honestly, I kinda wished it was for us to be together again.”

“But what if it is? Why are you giving up so easily?”

“Because it’s not. Yes we met for a reason and that reason was for closure. I was given a chance to explain my side and him too.” He says as he raised the notebook in his hand. “I’m just sad because I know I’m never going to meet anyone who’s going to love me as much as he did. And I’m going to be living in regrets for the rest of my life because I didn’t love him enough the way he deserved to be.”

“You have to forgive yourself for that too, you know. He has.”

“I know. I will.” He smiles and assures Yunhyeong. 

They move their conversation to Hanbin’s bed. Yunhyeong lies down on his side while Hanbin laid down on his back facing the ceiling.

“You want me to be honest with you about all of this?” Yunhyeong asked.

Hanbin looked down on him and nods. 

“Bobby is the most patient person I’ve ever met in my life.” Yunhyeong says sincerely. “And I know you’re my bestest friend and I don’t know what I’d do without you and I love you so much but no offense, he deserves better than you. Hanbinnie, you saw how much he did for you. Right in front of your two eyes. But here you are making up excuses on why the universe in conspiring to not get you back together.” Yunhyeong mocks Hanbin. “I love you, Hanbinah, but this is one of the times I hate you too. Stop crying about a problem you have a solution to. You love him? Go after him! Stop whining and stop crying because you’re not even trying. Bobby gave up his life he had here in Korea with his friends who were family to him with hopes that you talk to him. He moved to the other side of the globe just because he wanted you to talk to him. You could’ve spoken a word to him and it would’ve been enough. That’s how much he loved you. That’s how much he needs to be loved too. So if you’re not going to do anything about it, forget about him and move on because if you can’t give him what he deserves, maybe someone will.”

Yunhyeong has always been gentle on Hanbin with words. This was the first time he actually spoke his mind on a situation. It hurt Hanbin. It did right to the bones but he realizes it hurt because everything he said was true. He knew exactly where he was wrong. He knew exactly what Bobby deserved and now he was thinking, maybe Yunhyeong was right. There was going to be someone else who could offer more than he ever could and that was what Bobby deserved. It wasn’t him. 

“That hurt. But thank you. And I’m sorry. I hurt your friend. I hurt him a lot. And to the very end, he still was so good to me. I’m such an ass and I don’t deserve him. I never did.”  
Yunhyeong stops responding to Hanbin with words but snores. Hanbin laughs and gets up from the bed to clean up. He tucks Yunhyeong in a blanket and takes the bottle of wine and the wine glasses out the kitchen. He washes the glasses and places them back in the cupboard. 

He moves to his living room and sits there staring blankly. So much thoughts in mind running.  
-

Bobby gets home from work quarter past 1 in the morning. He goes straight to the shower to bathe because he didn’t even have the energy to eat anymore. He hasn’t slept since he got back from Korea a few days ago because of jet lag and it was just about time his body finally gave up.

He puts in his pajamas and he lies in bed shirtless like he always does. 

He closes his eyes feeling all the comfort from his mattress and he prepares for a long slumber.

His doorbell rings startling him and he groans. “Please not now.” He whispers. 

He wraps a pillow around his head and ignores the door but the bell rings again.

“AISH JINJJA!!!!! WHO THE FUCK RINGS A DOORBELL AT THIS HOUR.” He stomps his heavy feet out of bed and checks the door.

“Who is it?” He says through the intercom. 

A faint voice answers. 

“Ugh! You better not be the drunk hobo again.” He opens his door and sees the last person he expects to see in his doorstep 5,730 miles away from home.

“Hi, stranger.” Hanbin greets him grinning so widely.

“What are you doing here?” Bobby can’t believe what he was seeing.

Hanbin walks up to Bobby and pushes himself onto him making them fall to the ground. “Sorry.” He giggles.

“Are you drunk?!” Bobby asked.

“Hmmm. I might have had a little bit to drink before I came. I wanted to be it to be romantic. Just like how we first met.” He explains.

Bobby drops his head to the carpeted floor laughing. “You’re one of a kind, Kim Hanbin.” He says. He grabs him by the back of his neck and pulls him closer. “Come here, you.” He says and he kisses the hell out of Hanbin.

Bobby makes love to Hanbin in his living room floor and they lay there in each other’s arms right after.

The physical activity has gotten Hanbin past his tipsy phase and was close to normal again. He had his head rested on top of Bobby’s chest while Bobby ran his fingers on Hanbin’s hair continuously.

“I read your letter.” Hanbin said.

Bobby thinks for a while and remembers the notebook. He laughs.

“It was bad wasn’t it?”

“It was so bad I bawled my eyes out crying.” Hanbin said in a joking manner. 

Bobby gets embarrassed and nudges him. “I did say it was the first letter I’ve ever written!”

“I was kidding. It was good. Too good, even. You beat my letter and I’m supposed to be the writer.”

Bobby laughs. “Thanks but I don’t believe you. You should’ve just thrown it out.”

“No way.” Hanbin said. “Bub? He asked for him silently.

“Bin?”

“Do you think you can give me a chance to make it up to you?”

Bobby smiles. “I was just waiting for you, Bin.”

“You were still waiting for me?”

“I promised I’d wait didn’t I?”

“But promises don’t work like that. They’re meant to be broken. Aren’t they?”

Bobby laughs. “Not in my vocabulary.”

Hanbin looks up and reaches out to his lips for a kiss. “I don’t deserve you.”

“You do too.”

Hanbin tightens his hug and makes sure there was not even a little bit of space was between them. 

“Bin?” Bobby calls out softly. 

“Hmmm?”

“My contract here doesn’t end until 16 months from now. If I knew this was going to happened, I never would’ve signed for another year last month. You think you could wait for me until I come back home?” Bobby asked expectantly. 

“Do you want me to wait for you?”

“I want you to do what you want to do.” Bobby says wholeheartedly. 

“What if I told you I wanted to move here to be with you?” 

This surprises Bobby. He sits up pushing Hanbin away and grabs him by his arms. 

“You’ll move here?! In LA?!”

“Well, yeah. I mean, if you wanted me to? I mean if I won’t be too much of a bother to you at work. I’d love to. But I can also wait back home if it would make you uncomfortable.”

“Are you kidding me?! I feel like i’m dreaming!” He exclaims excitedly. “But wait? What about your house in Jeju? I thought you loved it there? You said it was peaceful and calm.”

“It’s not like we’re not coming home anymore. The house will be fine. I’ll figure something out.”

“It’s hot here. Traffic is bad. People are rowdy. It’s messy. It’s not home.” Bobby sets out expectations. 

Hanbin smiles and embraces Bobby. “Home is where you are, Bub. We could live in Greenland the hell I care.”

Bobby grabs Hanbin by the chin and turns his face from left to right. “You’re real right? This isn’t a dream? I haven’t slept in days i’m afraid I might be losing it.”

Hanbin laughs. “I’m real. I’m here. And i’ll be where you are. If, of course, you give me a chance.” 

Bobby leans in to kiss Hanbin and he makes it last a while this time. He wraps Hanbin in his arms as they laid back in his carpeted floor and embraces him tightly. Hanbin wraps his arms around Bobby and rests his head against his chest. 

Bobby kisses the top of Hanbin’s head and he says, “We’ll be alright, Bin. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5 months. 188 pages. 72,974 words. 
> 
> This is my fifth fic/au and also the hardest thing i've ever written. It was draining mentally (sometimes emotionally haha) but having to receive messages saying how much this story helped them made it so worth it.
> 
> I'm not a writer. I never wished to be one nor do I want to pursue it. This is just a hobby I happened to find out I can actually do. I'm just lucky some of you find my stories interesting so thank you. 
> 
> I read all your comments. It's one of the things that keep me going so even if you hate it, i hope you continue to leave some so that I know where I can do better in. 
> 
> Thanks for giving this story a chance and for giving it time.  
> I'll ever get tired of saying thank you. :)
> 
> Til the next one! - kai
> 
> P.S. iKON IS 7


	14. we go way back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prologue(-ish)

“Baby, it’ll take 20, 30 minutes tops. Please?”

 I nod my head in agreement. As if I still had a choice we were already here.

 Donghyuk can be so sly sometimes. He knows how much I hate waiting so he doesn’t necessarily tell me exactly what his plans are when we go out. I hate going out unless it’s necessary. I hate the little stops at bookstores which honestly takes so much of my time because Donghyuk studies every book he sees. He also likes shopping which I hate the most. I don’t get how a person takes more than an hour choosing and fitting clothes they won’t even buy. In other words, my boyfriend loves the mall and I hate it. It’s too crowded, there are little kids crying, couples on dates, everything is just simply annoying.

Donghyuk decided he wanted to buy new lamps. There’s nothing wrong with the lamps we have at home but he thinks it’s out of style for the season so he decided to spend a whole lot of money on things we already had.

My roommates, Chanwoo and Jinhwan, of course appreciated everything Donghyuk did. They worked on interior design and architecture and all that crap so they got along well.

Actually, if there was someone to blame with all this interior design obsession, it would be those two. They’ve been influencing him on taking up classes for interior design and giving him books and teaching him all the lot but good thing Donghyuk loved his kids too much to leave them.  

Donghyuk, my boyfriend, is a pre-school teacher. He loves his job. He loves his students. Sometimes I think even more than he loves me. But that was one thing I loved about him. The way he loved other people.

I watch him listen to the store manager as he explained what one lamp can do and what was better to get. He listened so attentively as if it was something so important.

I walk towards them carrying the paper bags full of clothes he also just bought and spent hours on. “I’ll be at the coffee shop at the second floor.” I tell him and I kiss the side of his head before he gives me a sweet smile and a nod.

I walk out of the home section of the department store and I look for the coffee shop we passed by earlier. Once I eye it, I walk in and place the paper bags on one of the empty tables by the corner before I order my coffee.

“A medium sized iced americano and a medium sized iced caramel macchiato.” I tell the barista.

“Hot or iced?”

I raise my brow at the barista and I scoff. “I thought I just told you iced?”

A good-looking guy takes over the counter and pushes the barista aside gently before apologizing to me. “I’m sorry he’s new and is still very nervous to be working.” He smiles shyly. He punches in my orders before repeating them once again. I take my wallet out of my back pocket and take out my card to hand to him. He takes the card with both hands and swipes it by the monitor. He asks me to sign before handing me back my card.

“Your order will be served to you in your table.” He says and I nod.

I go back to the table I left my things in and sit down to wait. I am served two cups of coffee a few minutes later and a fancy looking toast.

“It’s on the house.” The on-training barista said as his hands trembled along with the plate. “I apologize about earlier.”

I laugh and tap his back. “It’s fine don’t worry about it. You’ll do good.”

He flashes me a smile and walks back to the counter.

I nod at the good-looking man and I say thanks for the toast and he smiles and nods back.

I was still full from lunch but it did look appetizing so I couldn’t resist but to try it.

I take a bite and hell, it was good. It was French toast with  _kaya_  jam. I know  _kaya_  jam cause I’ve had it in Singapore and Donghyuk actually tried re-making it at home but he failed every time. Even with Jinhwan’s help. And Chanwoo’s too.

_“Baby, I got you coffee and toast hurry your ass back.”_

_“Their kaya jam is bomb !!!!! “_

“OMG really?!!!!”

 

 _“Save me some!!!!!”_  

 _“Can you ask if they sell it in jars?!!!”_  

 _“Also wait, I think we need new sheets and duvets too.”_  

And there he goes again. Totally immersed in shopping. This is going to take a few more hours and I’m going to bet a hundred thousand won he’ll end up buying duvets for Chanwoo and Jinhwan too.

I makes myself comfortable since I know Donghyuk wasn’t going to be back in at least an hour. I observe the people around and there wasn’t much in. Well it was a weekday and it was lunch time maybe that’s why.

A little family was having lunch at the far corner table. A couple sitting across each other both on their phones. And a guy working on his computer totally invested on whatever he was typing.

I take a sip from my coffee and check my watch. It’s been 33 minutes. I’m starting to get irritated. The plan was to have lunch and that was it. He could’ve went shopping alone and I understand that he likes it when I drive for him and carry the things he just bought but wasting time on waiting just doesn’t cut it for me. I have a job that takes up so much of my time. I barely have time to rest or sleep. 

_“Babe, it’s been 35 minutes. You know I have to go back to the studio before 7.”_

_“Almost done babyyyyy.”_

I have been here almost an hour now. The family left, and so did the couple. The guy working on his computer is still working. And speaking of working, I haven’t seen him look up from his screen once. Now I’m starting to envy him. I wish I had his attention span. i can only imagine the amount of music i could make if i had his motivation to work.

The good-looking guy, probably the manager or the owner of the store sits across the guy that was working and goes through his phone. I watch them sit across each other and not say a single word. Jinhwan would’ve been pissed if he were in the table with them. He hates it when people sit together and don’t make conversation. We're not allowed phones on the dinner table and when we have our movie nights which is actually a really good thing. We get to talk on how our days went while we share a meal and we get to focus on what we're watching when watching a movie. 

I’ve finished scanning two magazines and I’m so bored I’m actually about to read a book when a tall, handsome-looking man enters the café. He walks towards the table beside me and taps the store owner on the back lightly. Damn, why are these people so good-looking?

 “Oh, you came?” The owner looks back and smiles widely after seeing the tall one.

“Yeah. My client meeting finished earlier than planned.” He says and he walks towards the guy working. He kisses the top of his head but the guy doesn’t bother. He doesn’t look up even for a second. I mean come on, his boyfriend just walked in and he didn’t even look up? If it was Donghyuk, he would freak. If I don't kiss him hello when he arrives home from work, it's going to end up in a fight. Especially when i'm in a middle of a game with Chanwoo. 

Does this guy even notice there are people around him? Or maybe they fought? He's probably ignoring him.

The tall good-looking guys sits beside the busy guy and starts a conversation with the other good-looking guy. A bunch of good-looking guys. If Donghyuk, Chanwoo, and Jinhwan were here, these people could probably make an idol group or a boy band or something.

I try not to eavesdrop on their conversation but I can’t help but overhear. I was at the table next to them and the place was too calm.

“How long has he been writing?” The tall one asked.

“A couple hours. He’ll be done soon. He's had his third cup so it'll be over soon.” The owner responded.

Seemed like they were used to him working like that. Weird. How does one get so invested in something? What is he writing anyway? A research paper? He does look young. But if his friends owned a café they cant be that young. And the tall man looked mature. Maybe he’s taking up his masters or something.

They talk about plans on building a cafe in one of the buildings in Itaewon and a bunch of stuff I don't really understand. and then they start talking about a guy named Hanbin. Maybe the other guys' name is Hanbin. 

They’re actually talking about him in front of him and he doesn’t notice? He doesn’t budge? He doesn’t even look up? What the heck is this person even human? These two can probably make out in front of him and he won’t notice. Weird. 

Their table grows quiet before the tall one whispers, “He’s been crying again, Yunhyeongie. It’s getting worse.”

The owner pouts. “Does he talk to you about it?”

The tall one shakes his head. “All he says is that I was just a bad dream. A nightmare. He hasn’t said anything to you?”

The owner shakes his head. “He seems to be in a good mood every time he comes here. Well, until he’s working. And then he starts to frown as he types, he sometimes tears up too. Hell be fine. He'll come to us when he needs us. He always does.” He says assuring the tall handsome guy and the tall handsome guy nods like he trusts him. 

They start talking about a total different thing after the quiet conversation and the tall handsome guy starts laughing out loud. 

He looks so smug and arrogant. They're talking about gym stuff and weights and cardio and shit. He seems to be teaching the cafe owner routines and workouts. He flashes him a photo of, what seemed to be like, himself, and he zooms in his arms and his abs as he described what specific workout out went well on the specific part of the boy.

Eh, he's so vain. Are good looking people required to be vain. Well, Jinhwan's vain too. Donghyuk, hmmm? Kinda? he is obsessed with how he looks like especially with the clothes he wears. But Chanwoo isn't. Or is he? He just doesn't show it? Chanwoo seems to be a really neat person. He hates it when his shoes get dirty or he stains his shirt. I guess that's a certain level of vanity too. Wow, good looking people are required to be vain. Is this why i'm not? Cause i'm not good looking? This is actually making me think. 

I look at the guy on the computer to distract myself from the thoughts of vanity and notice how his brows were furrowed as he typed in his laptop. His eyes looked… sad? Mad? Upset? Frustrated? Hurt? Lost? They looked broken.

My phone buzzes receiving a text from Donghyuk. I stare on my screen and I groan in frustration at what I read.

_“Baby I swear I’m almost done. Just looking at wine glasses.”_

How did buying lamps move to buying wine glasses?!!! I swear Kim Donghyuk, you really get into my nerves sometimes!

I slam my phone on the table and take my cup of iced coffee that’s already warm cause the ice’s been melted since an hour ago. I look up to see the handsome men looking at me confusedly. I bow my head slightly to apologize. I didn't realize I banged my phone that hard on the table. The tall handsome looking  _jerk_ was raising his brows at me. Who does he think he is? Is he the only one allowed to make noise in here? He looks away and gives the store owner back his attention.

I shift my head towards the guy beside him who was looking up at me. This was the first time he looked up from the screen. But this time, it was the other two who didn't notice because they were back to being busy obsessing with their bodies. 

I stared at him back and he tilted his head to the side as if he was trying to figure out something but his eyes were still on me. I mimic his gesture and tilt my head the same way and he presses his lips into a flat smile. He looks back down to his screen and type in a few keys before closing his computer down shutting it completely and stretching his arms up in the air. 

“You’re here?” He asks the tall guy when he finally notices and leaned in for a kiss. 

He kisses him back and pushes his hair back rubbing them slowly. “Tired?” He asked. 

The writer nods. He leans on his broad shoulder and closes his eyes as the tall one wrapped one arm around him taking him in. 

“You hungry?” The owner asked. 

He nods, still eyes closed and smiles as soon as he hears the owner say he’ll prepare something for them. 

He rests his head on the tall guy’s arm and looks up to him like a kid. 

“You okay?” The tall guy asked. 

He closes his eyes and nods. 

He didn’t seem okay though. It looked like something was bothering him, hurting him. And it seemed like the tall handsome jerk knew but he didn’t insist by asking again, but instead, he leaves a kiss on his forehead and takes him in into a hug. 

It must be tiring to be with someone who’s 'high-maintenance'. Someone you know you have to look extra care for because you know at some point, they’re going to break. It probably must be so exhausting having to deal with the unknown and having to carry the baggage along with you without even knowing what was inside. 

One thing I appreciated about Donghyuk was that, he handled himself well. He was clingy and touchy and sweet but he was open, he knew what he wanted, he spoke his mind and his feelings, and between us two, he was the one leading the relationship. He was a baby but he was mature even for his own good.

Now that I've witnessed a relationship other than mine, I realize how lucky I am. I don’t think I could ever handle a guy as emotional as this one. It will take too much of me. I’m so lucky with Donghyuk sometimes I wonder what the hell I ever did to deserve such a blessing. 

A very smiley Donghyuk walks in the café with a bunch more bags full of whatever he bought that lasted almost two hours. 

“I’m sorry I got carried away there were so many things I wanted and I’m actually thinking of…” Once he stands right by me, I reach up to him and I crash my lips into his leaving a hard kiss before he finishes talking. 

He slaps my chest and I laugh. “There are people around.”

“I missed you.” I tell him. I did. 

Sometimes I forget how grateful I should be for having such a wonderful man love me. 

He grins. “I'm surprised you're not in a bad mood yet."

"I was. You're lucky my mood changed quickly."

"So, do they sell jam?"

"Oh, I forgot to ask."

"Aish." He says and he leaves the bags on the table while he walked to the counter. 

He buys three bottles of jam adding it to the thousands of won he spent in a span of 5 hours and jumps happily. "I'm actually so excited to try it. Let's go home." He says as he grabs the lighter bags full of clothes leaving me with the bags filled with the glass and the blankets and the box of lamp.

I take the bags resting on top of the table and I look up to the other table one last time before I leave. The writer still had his eyes closed while he rested on his boyfriend’s chest. He then opens his eyes slowly and when he meets my eye, he catches me staring at him. He smiles awkwardly and I realize I was still staring so I rush away from the table.

Shit. That was awkward. Why was I even staring?! 

I step out of the café quickly without looking back and I catch up with Donghyuk who found another thing to be busy about. He's now talking to a baby and the baby's mom asking about how old the baby was and what milk he drank. I was gone literally 30 seconds and here he goes delaying things again. 

“Hey, man!” 

I look behind and see the tall handsome jerk running towards our direction. Donghyuk says good bye to the baby and brings his attention to me. 

“My boyfriend saw you drop this on the way out.” He says handing me a brown leather wallet. 

I tap my back pocket and they were empty. I take the wallet from the tall guys’ hand. “I didn’t even notice. Thanks, man.” I tell him. 

“No biggie.” He says as he raised his brows and turn his back around to face us and walk back to the café. 

“Nice, good looking guy.” Donghyuk said. 

“Seemed like a jerk to me.” I tell him but he laughs. 

“He literally gave you back your wallet. Is that how you repay kindness?” 

“I’m grateful, yes. But I still think he’s a jerk.” I say. I honestly didn’t like the vibe around him. His aura seemed suffocating. 

“Oh, shut up.” Donghyuk laughs. “Let’s go.” He says taking my hand in his and starts walking away.

 

-

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can't seem to let go yet haha here's a short snippet a few years before hanbin and bobby met. this will be from bobby's pov. will post another one with hanbin's pov about their life in la before i close and let go of this fic for good. hope you guys like it. :)
> 
>  
> 
> P.S. iKON IS 7


End file.
